As I reflect back on 2025 I try to acknowledge things I did well and things I need to improve on. Certainly 2025 was the year of trips. I am incredibly grateful I was able to travel so much. Jay bought his first home in 2025 and as I turn the calendar into 2026 Nick is in the process of buying his first home. I am not okay but I will be. The truth is it's bittersweet having my boys move out but more than anything I am so very thankful they are thriving especially since the home market has not been friendly to young Gen-Z'ers. In 2025 I was very intentional in reading my bible and I say this with humility but I noticed by years end that although I'm not great at memorizing scripture I am no longer biblically illiterate. However, one of the many beautiful things of following Jesus is that as long as I'm on this earth I will continue to learn and grow in my faith. I look forward to digging deeper into God's word in 2026. I'm also going to write more in my blog. My goal is to blog twice a week. I'm not going to lie this is going to be challenging for me. The boys are no longer the entertainment source they use to be (ha) and menopause is challenging for me but I know writing is healthy for me, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. In honor of Charlie Kirk I want to put my phone down once a week, likely on Sundays. I don't even want to pick it up. I spend too much time wasting time scrolling. To be honest I can't imagine what a day might look like without my phone so stay tuned on that.
In 2025 I found tasks for my mom challenging. I am not proud of this. I care deeply about her well being but I know I can do better and with God's help I pray I do. I'm trying to balance all of her needs from a physical, mental, emotional and financial standpoint. I've also got to do better with my overall health. I've put on way too much weight and my menopause symptoms are real. I have to keep moving and for the most part I do well with this but I've become reactive instead of proactive as far as my health goes.
I look forward to what 2026 may bring, the challenges and the joys. The older I get the simpler I become. I love my family, my girlfriends and my God. I want to be a strong leader for CWA and be a voice for issues that are near and dear to my heart.
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Although this Christmas was different, one thing remains the same. The birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, was sent to this world to save us from our sins. It's never lost on me what a beautiful gift He was and is. To think God loved us so much that He sent His only son to this decaying, morally corrupt world. As a mother I would never have sent Jay or Nick on such a mission. I would want to keep them safe and secure in paradise. But John 3:16 tells us God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. Thanks be to God for this glorious gift of salvation.
During this time of year I always remember Christmas at our home on Woodland Ave. Back then I was just a kid and so was Kim. Our parents were married and happy except for that one Christmas (but that's another blog). They hadn't gone through their divorce. The brain tumor that would dibilitate my dad hadn't happened yet and the stroke that would disable both my parents wasn't even on our radar. At that time my parents were in great health, enjoying the season with their girls. I have such fond memories of those times and I'm forever grateful to my parents. When I reflect on my dad he was always the best at Christmas and on vacation. I miss him the most at Christmas time. He just made everything fun. Every Christmas morning Kim and I would wait with anticipation at the top of the stairs while dad made his way downstairs first to ensure Santa had indeed been at our house. We'd attend Christmas eve service at our church, not knowing that one day there would be a Christmas eve service that we'd walk out of in tears because Kim, mom and I couldn't get through the service without dad (after their divorce).
My boys are now 23 and 19. Christmas doesn't look the same as it did when they were kids but that's okay. It doesn't make our time together any less special. My prayer is that one day when Jay and Nick are in their fifties they too will reflect on their childhood Christmas' with fondness. We had some stressful times but I can laugh about it now. There was the Christmas our basement flooded. The Christmas where we got a TON of snow and Mike had to spend the entire morning plowing snow because we were hosting that year. There was also the Christmas Jay got sick (2007) and barfed all over. All of those memories are pretty typical for most families.
I'm so grateful for parents who loved me, who ensured my childhood Christmas' were special. I'm thankful for my precious boys so that I could experience Christmas through their eyes. This season of my life may look different but it doesn't make it less special.
"Instead you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it."
This is the verse the Lord placed on my heart in the middle of the night. The Lord is up to something but I have no clue what. For example weeks ago I listened to a podcast about how the Lord speaks to us through dreams. What I ingested from that podcast really stuck with me. I'm noticing I'm dreaming more lately and waking up with people on my heart to pray about so I'm spending time in prayer during the night. But last night this verse from Peter woke me up. I knew it was 1 Peter and the verses that came to me was 3:5, probably because I'm more familiar with Proverbs 3:5. I was just off by one number so again this says to me the holy spirit is up to something so I'll write, even though I don't feel like it.
Years ago I blogged about this verse. What I write today will be different from what I wrote years ago but what has not changed is my unwavering belief in Christ Jesus, that He came to this earth in human form but completely God. He came to die for our sins and rose again on the 3rd day so that we may have eternal life and not only eternal life but a relationship with God. What was once broken, God redeemed. On a personal level I've seen God do the impossible. I've experienced Romans 8:28. When Mike lost his job years ago, I witnessed Mike break into pieces and watched as God rebuilt him, blessing him during the journey and using other believers as messengers to help guide us along the way. He will fail us or abandon us (Hebrews 13:5). That's not to say what we went through was easy but now that were on the other side of it, I'm very thankful for that hard time; "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance" James 1; 2-4. Sometimes I wonder what it must be like to be an athiest because personally I find this world decaying so fast. An athiest believes this life is it. Since they believe there is no God, then we all die as rot in the ground, with no hope of anything better. This world is full of disappointment, broken promises, death and violence. Our minds and hearts were never meant to consume so much hate but thanks to social media, my heart is often very heavy. When I witness a terrorist attack or learn of a young 26 year old woman who was set on fire traveling home from work on a Chicago train while bystanders watched and did nothing. When Charlie Kirk was murdered for all of social media to witness. When the news reports on jewish people being gunned down at the start of Hanukkah I'm reminded my only hope is in Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. He promises that He will wipe every tear from my eye. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain (Revelation 21:4). How I long for that, especially the older I get. I spent years wondering what my purpose is and the more I see the evil in the world I realize my purpose since the beginning has been to be a light in a very dark world; to love as many people as possible and point them to Jesus because He is the way, the truth and the life (John 14:6).
When it really comes down to it and if someone were wanting me to prove the existence of God and Jesus, I'd point them to Lee Strobel's book, "The Case for Christ." And after that it really comes down to faith. We walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). Jesus told Thomas after his resurrection, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed" (John 20:29). I live in complete anticipation and again unwavering confidence that I will stand before God one day and give an account of my life (Romans 14:12). Sure that scares me a little bit because I'm a sinner and I know how wretched I am but what scares me more is to stand before a holy God without Jesus. It's because of the cross that I can stand before God one day, living in perfect harmony with Him for all eternity. Thanks be to God for the greatest gift ever given, Jesus.
Gosh even as I sit here with my fingers on the keyboard I have no idea what to write. This morning as I finished my morning prayers in the stillness of my living room with the slight glow of the lights from the Christmas tree I felt the holy spirit say to me, "start writing." That's all I heard. For months I've known I should start writing again but menopause has really done a number on me but it's because of menopause I know writing would provide a positive outlet for me. I just haven't felt like writing. I'm probably suffering a wee bit of depression (something I've never dealt with before besides when I broke my ankle in 2016) and I'm experiencing some anxiety. I also don't feel like I have anything to offer, not like when the boys were growing up and provided me with so many humerous stories. Plus I always knew I had my mother who would read my blog everyday (back when I blogged almost daily). She would call me, usually in gales of laughter or tears of joy to tell me how much she enjoyed that particular blog. These days mom has no idea where to find my blog. On occasion I will text her a post I know she will enjoy but if you look over my blog this past year you will mostly find content with very little substance.
I am going to try to blog more and by that I mean put some effort into it. If my writing seems kind of old and depressing it's because it is but I do have so much good that's going on in my life right now. John and Judy have been our house guests since Dec. 12 and I am loving my time with them. I never could have foreseen this new relationship which is just another reason why I love God so much and love how He works. He is in the business to redeem and restore. Mike's work schedule is ridiculous once again so John, Judy and I have had a lot of time to spend together, just the three of us. It's been a joy to get to know Judy more and see how in love she is with John and vice versa.
Jay and Hannah have settled into their new home and everytime I go over the home just feels more cozy. It was a year ago today that Jay walked away from a long term relationship and in my devotional book I had written, "Lord, please heal Jay's heart." Here we are a year later - an answer to prayer.
As 2025 wraps up and 2026 is just beginning I commit to blogging more. It may not be pretty at times but I can promise it will be written with raw emotions, honesty and humility.
