Christmas 2021

These pictures aren't in any particular order.  In fact these cute pics of Mike and I were taken at his work christmas party last weekend (his 49th birthday).  I thought they were pretty cute of us!  

Getting Mike to put these glasses on and take a picture was a big deal. We really did have such a fun time. 

Here is our family selfie we sent to Ausili's on Christmas day.   

I took this picture of Nick on christmas day to document the nice weather.  Notice he has his sun roof open.  After we finished with our festivies we drove to my mom's to deliver french silk pie.  It was 55 degrees here in Central Illinois today.  I am loving it while it lasts.  My cousin, Cora, sent us pictures of her and her family on the beach today.  We fly out to see Cora in a few short weeks.  I can't wait.  

My boys!  My heart.  

Mike made homemade ravioli on Christmas eve for my family.  It was ridiculous!  Mike is such an amazing cook.  

I got the boys Carhart vests this xmas.  They loved them.  I'm not gonna lie this xmas was different.  Jay doesn't live at home any more.  He went home on xmas eve and xmas day to sleep in his own bed which was fine but is does take some getting use to on my end.  I am thankful for the time we did have together as a family.  The four of us met for breakfast on xmas eve morning, spent xmas eve with Mimi and Nana and then it was just me, Mike, Jay and Nick on xmas day.  Mike made a prime rib, we opened presents.  It was a very relaxing and non stressful day.  

I love this picture.  We got Jay a tool backpack for xmas.  This picture is of father and son comparing backpacks.  

My mom and her grands.  Love, love, love! 

Somehow this picture got out of order.  This is the xmas selfie Ausili's sent to us from TX.  My heart so misses them but I am thankful for the times we had together.  Me, Mike and Nick fly out next week to spend a few days with them.  My heart is full.  
 

A Christmas Memory

 My good friend, Laura, sent me this picture early this morning.  If I were to guess, based on the sizes of my boys I'm guessing Jay was 14 (freshman) and Nick was 10 (5th grade).  Dad passed away in 2018 and we did not do socks for seniors in 2017, his last Christmas here on earth.  I'll go out on a limb and guess this was 2016.  What a group we had that night.  I could have never imagined that when this picture was taken my dad would be gone in less than 2 years and that Covid would literally decimate group gatherings.  Having a group this size together in a nursing home would NEVER happen today.  I also didn't know my mom would suffer a devastating stroke 4 months after my dads passing.  It's been a hard few years.  The times we currently live in are unsettling and the divineness Covid has caused among families and friends is depressing.  I'm certain Satan loves the havoc, the shaming and the fear that has crippled so many Americans.  I'm reminded on this day, Dec. 23, christmas eve eve, to never take any moment for granted.  I remember loving being surrounded by this group back in 2016, laughing and bringing joy to the residents of my dads nursing home.  In all the darkness that has encompassed 2020 and parts of 2021 there are rays of light.  I choose to focus on that light, giving thanks for what the Lord has blessed me with, praying and hoping there are better times ahead because even though it feels like Satan is winning right now, I know in the end he will be the one that is crippled, stomped out and gone forever.  Thank you, Jesus, for your birth on a cold winter night in the middle of nowhere.  Thank you for being the light of the world in a fallen imperfect universe that continues to be in desperate need of a savior.  Where would I be in this earthly life without you?  I shudder to think.  Thank you for the hope you brought that night and continue to bring.  

Mike's Birthday weekend

Mike turned 49 yesterday!  This man just gets better with age.  I'm not kidding.  He gets healthier with every passing year and as his wife I can truly say I like and enjoy Mike more as he ages.  I affectionately refer to Mike as God's "frozen chosen."  He doesn't have a lot to say about his faith but ever since he was saved no one can deny the transformation in Mike.  I pray this next year blesses him abundantly with good health and direction in his new career path.  He is really enjoying his home inspection.  I don't know where Cornerstone will be next year but God will continue to guide us, as He faithfully does.  

Speaking of Cornerstone Nick made this metal sign for Mike's shop.  He paid for metal and made it in his Ag Mech and Tech class.  Nick acted like it was no big deal but I was blown away by his thoughtful gift and craftsmanship.  

 On Saturday night I had a family birthday dinner for Mike.  This is Jay's sweet girlfriend, Gabby.  Their one year anniversary of dating is coming up in January. My heart was so full sitting around the table with my family, celebrating Mike.  

This Christmas Season

As every year passes, things change.  As I age I find this to be so true.  It's not necessarily a bad thing but it does take some getting use to and some readjustment.  For example this Christmas season is quiet.  Yes, I said quiet.  Gone are the years where I was juggling small kids, working, commuting to work, frantically buying gifts over my lunch hour, getting them wrapped and baking.  I haven't baked one thing this December and that brings me great joy!  I remember one year I thought it was a great idea to make red velvet cakes for teachers and friends.  I spent hours in the kitchen over the weekends making these cakes.  I'm sure people appreciated it and at the time I did enjoy it but now my 47 year old self looks back at that time and shakes her head.  Fast forward to now and Jay doesn't live with us anymore and Nick isn't playing basketball.  This is the first December in ten years where I haven't spent night after night sitting in the stands watching my boys sit the bench only to see the team lose in the end.  I've really tried to make this December my "Yes" month.  When my friend, Shannon, asked me to see "The Chosen" christmas movie with her, I said yes.  When Sarah asked me, Shannon and Mary to have breakfast with her, I said Yes.  When I was invited to a "favorite things" party I said Yes.  I've been more intentional this season and as a result I've mastered how to make an excellent cup of coffee which I sip during my prayer time.  I am enjoying morning walks, quiet time under my blanket in the evenings and special moments with friends.  I am truly thankful and blessed.  

Happy 14th Birthday, Lauren!

My sister had a delightful family gathering for Lauren on Dec. 3 (her actual birthday).  I can't believe my niece is 14!  She is so much fun to be around.  When Nick decided not to play basketball this year I was suddenly faced with a lot more free time.  I am trying to be more intentional with Lauren.  I am picking her up from school every other week and we go to dinner together.  This week we are doing shopping for her mother's christmas gift.  My sweet momma bought concert tickets (For King & Country) for me, Lauren and Kim.  The concert isn't until April but we are so excited!  

 Sweet Jensen!  He reminds me so much of my dad.  It warms my heart every time I see this boy smile!  

Our Thanksgiving weekend

Our Thanksgiving was quiet this year.  It was just the four of us and mom but if you include the dogs we had a grand total of eight.  The day was so relaxing and we have so much to be thankful for.  This year felt a little different to me.  Jay no longer living at home probably played a part in that and usually we have more people but this year Kim was with Craig's family.  Jay picked mom up and Nick and I drove her home.  The food was amazing and we enjoyed each others company.  

The picture above is our family picture we sent to Ausili's.  Not the best picture of the four of us but it is what it is. 

Our festivites wrapped up early and I got under my new blanket (that I seriously adore) and did nothing the rest of the night.  It was delightful. 

I'm learning how to be an adult parent.  I think Jay needed a hair cut but this momma kept her mouth shut.  I was just glad to see him, shaggy hair and all.  

Mike smoked our turkey and then fried it.  It was ridiculously good, as always. 

Jay made these hog wings.  They were very good and apparently very easy.  

 My mom, Walker and Cole.  Cole knows he's not allowed on the furniture but Walker has no boundries (just saying).  Since mom can't cook for herself she loves eating home cooked meal.  It made me happy to send her home with several left overs!  

Conversations with Nick

There's been so much weighing me down lately.  I'll blog about it.  It's simply a matter of me trying to figure out how to put my thoughts and feelings in writing without being all over the place.  Last night in an attempt to refocus my mind I pulled out my blog books.  Gosh am I glad I kept those books that highlight my life as a young mother of two awesome boys who helped shaped who I am today.  I laugh out loud at the stories and wonder where the time has gone.  These days the boys don't give me as much to write about but last night Nick and I ran an errand together.  He drives, I tag along.  I relish these times because once he's 16, he won't have a reason to bring me along for the ride.  Legally, he has no choice now.  Ha.  Nick shared with me that while he was out blowing leaves over the weekend he reflected how good his life is.  He said he's so thankful for good friends, great parents and living where he does.  My heart burst to hear my son so happy and what a great reflection for the week of Thanksgiving.  

Cousins are the best

 Yesterday Kim and I went and had lunch with Aunt Karen and Michelle.  The weather was beautiful and the company was delightful and of course we shared many laughs together.  I am very close to all my girl cousins on both sides of my family.  I realize it's truly a blessing.  I'm the oldest out of all of them and there's probably a little "mothering" I do from afar -ha!  I like to check in with all of them frequently to see how they are doing.  

Michelle reminds me the most of myself as a young mother but she is way more patient than I was.  I swear that girl is patient as the day is long.  She is an encouraging soul and I've always been in complete admiration of her relationship with her bonus child, Jayde.  

Kelly is my cousin that first exposed me to the University of Alabama.  Who knew that years later my sweet god daughter, Faith, would end up going to AL and that Kelly would help guide her through the rush process.  I know Kelly and Karen kept Faith and Jenny sane during that time period.  I love watching Kelly from afar.  She is adventerous, brave and determined.  She recently moved to FL and I can't wait to visit her.  

Amber is a go getter.  She doesn't let any grass grow under her feet.  She is upbeat and friendly to a fault.  The joke in her hometown is she can't go anywhere without seeing someone she knows.  She is smart, funny and level headed.  She's my "yes" cousin.  Whatever Kim and I come up with as something to do, Amber is always all in!      

Cora recently made a bold decision and moved to FL.  I so admire Kelly and Cora for being brave enough so make the moves that they did.  Cora has had to work for everything she has.  Every decision she has made has been for the betterment of her family.  She loves babies!  My does that girl love babies.  She also has an extended bonus family she has taken on as 100% her own since day one. She has sound advice and a big heart.  

My weekend

 My weekend was rather uneventful but that's okay.  The weather was gorgeous for November in central IL.  On Friday night I had a small happy hour for my dear friends, Calli and Betsy (picture above).  I know I must sound like a broken record sometimes but truly I am beyond blessed to have such amazing women in my life.  Calli is my friend through our older boys and Betsy is my neighbor friend.  On Saturday I had a quick visit with my friend, Jenna, who is now my neighbor.  Today me, Mike and Nick went to church and Nick has been at a friends all afternoon so yep you guessed, it's just been Mike and I this afternoon.  I did some meal prepping and relaxed.  All in all a great weekend. 

Saturday Mornings

 My house is quiet this morning.  Mike is working and Nick left with friends to cheer for his other friends at the state XC meet.  I was up early and got a good walk and work out in.  I'm now sitting at my dinner table with my lap top open, my dogs snoozing about two feet from me and my coffee steaming.  If I just painted a really nice visual it's because it is.  My Saturday mornings have sure changed through the years.  Most Saturdays were filled with cartoons in the background, syrup on the breakfast bar and the sounds of fighting between the boys and I loved every second of it while I was living it.  There is no one season I loved more than the others, although I'd go back just one time to hear my boys yell "Mom's home" when I got home from work and see them run across the kitchen into my arms.  It was a good thing I didn't know when the last time they would do that but one day it just stopped.  Instead these days I relish hugging my almost 20 year old when he stops in for a quick visit.  I enjoy praying with Nick everyday before school, knowing that in a blink of an eye that time will also soon be over.  I am really enjoying this season of my life and I try everyday not to take it for granted.  

I have always been uncomfortable with advice to take time for youself, to make sure you're taken care of so you can better take care of the ones you love.  Don't get me wrong there is so much truth in knowing and understanding this but it use to annoy the heck out of me.  I thought it was a complete joke when I was in the trenches of working full time, parenting and being a wife.  In fact it really just pissed me off.  In my 30s and most of my 40s, there was little time to focus on myself.  Turns out that advice is really meant for middle aged women like myself.  Ha.  These days I love that advice and soak it up nearly everyday.   I'm healthy physically and mentally.  I get some form of exercise everyday now.  Mentally I do it for my overall health, not for weight loss which is whole new concept for me but I like it.  I'm surrounded by girlfriends who fill my cup over and over again.  I can finally sit back a bit and breathe and enjoy my boys, accepting that perhaps the hard work we put forth was all worth it. Mike and I laugh more these days maybe because our boys are more independent and somehow we never lost sight of what attracted us to each other way back when.  I enjoy these quiet Saturday mornings.  They renew my spirit and remind me of what more is to come.  

My surprise TX weekend

I might have pulled off one of the best surprises ever!  I love that this happened.  I was missing Jenny and Faith a lot.  I coordinated my trip with Faith and Curtis coming home for their fall break. I surprised Jenny and Faith.  We were over the moon to see each other.  

I even got to hold Miss P!  

I am so grateful for this past weekend.  I am grateful that when I ran it by Sieb he smiled and encouraged me to go.  I am grateful I got my airline ticket for free (thank you airline points) and I'm thankful for close friends who transported Nick to and from school.  I am also so thankful for my job. A few of my teammates were also off but I was able to take 1 day off but work the other.  It worked out perfectly.  I am so glad I'm able to work remotely when I need to.  

My heart is so full!  

 

The end of the 30 days

 I'm writing this bright and early before I start my work day, hoping that my mind might be fresher.  I am loving these fall mornings and my daily routine that goes along with it.  Notice my fancy coconut cream whip with a sprinkle of pumpkin spice on my coffee.  I'm obsesssed with it.  This week will conclude my 30 days of no TV, no alcohol and no social media. My church will also wrap up its "On Purpose" study.  I have loved everything about this study and although I don't have the big idea that I had hoped for, I have still learned so much, mostly how much I can actually accomplish through and with God.  I can do nothing on my own.  

This morning as I prayed I was a wee bit frustrated with myself, frustrated that I hadn't latched on to something to ask God for.  It's entirely on me.  I'm pretty confident God would have lead me and answered my prayers had I placed something, anything at His feet.  A few of my friends have come up with ideas that I absolutely adore and I am genuinely excited for them and hope I get an opportunity to help them launch their big God dreams.  For now my prayer remains simple; light a desire in my heart, God and then help me to grab onto it and guide me, knowing and trusting He can do far more   

During certain seasons of my life I have often felt like God has prepared me for something before it happens.  I'm at such an interesting season of my life right now.  I feel good, mentally and physically.  I've finally settled into my new job (even though I'm not crazy about it).  My oldest son has moved out of the nest.  Mike is nicely settled in his new career endeavor and Nick's 16th birthday is on the horizon.  It has occurred to me that maybe I don't have this great heart desire for a big God dream right now because my service is to my mother.  In any case I'm really content right now in all things, big and small!     

Football

Nick's football season is about to conclude.  I wish I would have taken better pictures because he looks pretty cute playing!  The picture above is him coming off the field right after he made a crazy good tackle.  He loves playing the game even if it makes me cringe at times.  Although on a level of making me nervous football doesn't hold a candle to ice fishing and the ocean. I'm pretty sure ice fishing and Nick's antics in the ocean have taken at least 5 years off my life.  Just sayin.  

It was an absolute joy to watch these boys play the game this season since last fall they weren't able to play - thanks for our fantastic IL dictator, I mean governor and Covid.  

Nick says he's not playing basketball this year.  He's played basketball every year since 3rd grade.  I see his reasoning and I support him.  I'm pretty sure Nick will find ways to keep himself busy.  

 

Jay - making his own way

 I haven't written much about Jay lately but there is a lot to share.  He started his plumbing apprenticeship in late April.  In early October his good friend, Aaron, reached out to him to let him know there was an opening at the electrical shop he worked at.  This was the same place Jay really wanted to work right after he graduated high school but there were no openings.  To make a long story short Jay applied and got the job and started this week.  He handled the entire transition professionally and respectfully.  Philip, his plumbing employer, had been good to Jay and Jay knew it.  It all worked out and I'm so happy for Jay.  He's in full adulting mode and living with his buddies, Kaden and Mason.  He's working in the profession that his heart desires and he's been dating the same girl for almost a year now - yay!  Do I miss him?  Yes, of course.   I miss his work stories and conversating with him but tonight he stopped by after work.  He sat at the breakfast bar with me.  I heated up some left overs for him and we chatted about his week.  It was the best blessing of my week!  I took this picture of him today, holding his dog who has been a part of his life since he was 10.  

The transition in Jay moving out hasn't been as hard as I thought.  First off he's not far away and I still see him about once a week and I have the perfect excuse to hug him now.  Ha!  Plus it's kind of freeing. Mike and I have done all we can for him.  We instilled a work ethic in him, pointed him to Jesus, and demonstrated what marriage looks like - the good and the hard parts.  Sure we made mistakes and like I always say parenting is really a crap shoot - you can do your best and it's a toss of a coin.  But I am sure looking forward to the years ahead to see what Jay does.  I sure love that boy of mine!  

My 30 days continues

 I've gotten derailed blogging about my "On Purpose" study and my 30 days of no alcohol, no social media and no TV.  But first what is going on with my mom.  Her MRI demonstrated she did not have another stroke.  Although that is great news, we are perplexed by the fact she can't form words.  Her speech continues to hinder her.  She is beyond frustrated.  My daily prayers continue to center around asking and sometimes begging God to restore her speech.  Last weekend my sister and I made the difficult decision that mom should no longer drive.  Today we are selling her car.  I pretty much hate myself but Kim and I are confident that we made the right decision.  Mom wasn't thrilled (who would be) but she accepted it with grace and strength, as she always does.  Between everything going on with mom, Jay moving out and Nick's schedule I haven't had a lot of time to focus on the "On Purpose" study, although I read my book daily.  I've had an idea on my heart but honestly I'm not sure if  it's coming from me or the Holy Spirit.  I listen to a podcast, The Unfolding.  So many of the people they interview talk about the Holy Spirit and how they can discern the HS and how the HS has clearly lead them in their own walks.  Honestly I'm green with envy of people who discern the HS.  I believe I have heard/experienced the HS once.  It was when Mike lost his job and he was literally in my lap with his face down.  I could literally hear the HS say to me, "I have heard your prayers, Amy, and I have answered them, now trust me."  So many times in my walk I question whether something I'm doing is god's actual call for my life.  I have gotten better in living by a doors open, doors close policy.  If a door opens for me, I walk through it, knowing that if God doesn't want me somewhere He will close the door.  I've seen this play out in my life time and time again.  

Last night I was with my girls - my bible study group.  What an amazing group of women and I find it ironic we met at just the time where the "On Purpose" study is focused on community, congregating with other believers and encouraging one another.  I am almost through my 30 days and full disclosure I did cheat and had a cocktail a few days ago but I got myself back up, dusted myself off and I'm forging ahead.  We talked about the effects of social media and TV and the roles they play in our lives.  Since I can almost see the finish line for my journey I can say I'm pretty sure I'll be cancelling Netflix at the end of this.  TV is what I have missed the least.  I'll pick up social media again but very cautiously.  Mary described social media as the devils playground and she's spot on.  As for alcohol I have missed it the most - hence my cheat day.  I haven't noticed any changes in myself physically which surprises me.  I haven't lost an ounce and my energy is the same. Regardless it has been nice to clear my mind these past weeks. 

Homecoming 2021

Nick had homecoming this past weekend and what a weekend it was. Friday night started out with the football.  We got beat...badly.  The weather was beautiful on Saturday and we took pictures outside.  Our school put up an outdoor tent so the kids could enjoy their homecoming mask free.  Nick's date was the cutest.  She was sweet, funny and converstaional.  She actually reminded me a lot of Faith which really just made me miss Faith more than I already do.  Boo.  

Somewhere I have a picture of these two together as babies.  Calvin and Nick have been friends a long time.  Clearly, Calvin towers over Nick now.  

Me and my boy.  I so enjoyed watching Nick and his friends experience their first homecoming since Covid ruined everything last year.  

The big moments of Saturday was the after party hosted none other by yours truly.  We had 18 kids at our house on Saturday night and 7 boys spent the night (see picture above, the one circled is Nick).  As you can see the boys were barely awake at breakfast.  The kids seemed to have a really good time and in all honesty they are a great group of kids.  I enjoyed hosting them but it was also my one and done time.  Next year another parent can host because I'm getting too old to stay up all night!  Ha.  

 

My Yes friend

 Mary is my friend who I text and ask (last minute I might add) Hey, want to go with me on a road trip to watch Nick's game?  Her response is Sure!  Last April she traveled with me to watch his game in the freezing cold and last night we sat in the rain.  If that isn't the mark of a true friend then I don't know what is.  We always say God sure knew what He was doing when he put us together.  She fills my cup every time and Nick doesn't think she's bad either.  ha!  

My journey of no alcohol,  no TV and social media continues.  I have 19 more days to go but who is counting?  Right now I'm too busy to think too much about it.  This upcoming weekend is Nick's homecoming and I'll have 10 kids over after the dance.  I'm pretty sure I'll wake up Sunday morning looking like the living dead.  

I do actually have something on my heart in relation to my "On Purpose" study but I want to continue to pray about it and see what happens.  

It happened

 I'm way behind in blogging this week.  Here's a quick recap of what's been going on.  On Sept 18 my mom suffered what Kim and I believe to be another small stroke.  It has greatly affected her speech.  We have a MRI scheduled on Oct. 8.  Mom is doing fine but her health and future have weighed heavily on my heart and mind this week.  Nick's football schedule continues to grueling.  That isn't something new but it's usually at this time (right smack in the middle of the season) that the schedule gets exhausting for the boys and the parents.  I took one day off work this week to meet my cousin, Cora, halfway to get my grandma's hutch so Mike could get a whiskey cabinet.  My mom came along for the ride.  It was good for her to get out.  We listened to podcasts going there and back.  It was a blessing for both of us to share the morning together.  I also got my new company car that day, my Ford Bronco.  I'm convinced it's a great car to turn 50 in.  I'll have the car for at least 4 years, so although I'm a ways off from 50, I consider the car my 50's fun ride.  Finally for the finale of everything going on, Jay moved out today - like this afternoon.  I knew it was coming but when it actually happened I felt defeated and just sad.  I might have had a small pity party for myself.  In all fairness, he had given me every sign his move was right around the corner.  He moved his bed, his TV and taken all the tubs that Mike and I filled for him with kitchen accessories from the garage.  I was just sure I had one more week with him.  I was wrong.  I will miss him terribly but I've known for weeks, maybe even months, that it was his time to spread his wings and fly.  He has been on the runway long enough.  I probably haven't thanked God enough for the time He gave me with Jay after graduation.  It was truly a gift.  My relationship with Jay has grown and matured.  During these 18 months I was able to laugh with him more, witness him making decisions and good ones at that.  His work ethic is just like his dad's.....well maybe not quite (because really no one can copy Mike's work ethic) but close.  I believe Mike and I have instilled a deep sense of family in his heart.  I will miss his work stories.  Whether it was landscaping or plumbing, his work stories always had me in gales in laughter.  I will also just miss his presence in the house and his discussions with Mike around the grill.  It will take some adjustment on my part as I live life now with just one teenager in the house which leads me in to the whole "On Purpose" study.  I just find it interesting I'm doing this study at what is probably the most perfect time in my life.  I wish I could say I've had some big life altering idea to live my life more purposely but I don't.  That being said I am learning more about myself and how God sees me, like really sees me.  Full disclosure going with alcohol, TV and social media has not been easy.  Tonight I'd love nothing more than to have a cocktail to help bandage my fresh wounds from my oldest moving out but I won't.  I'll write more later this week on my perspectives and insight into how giving all these 3 things up is going.....so far.  Until now I'll drink my La Croix and keep reading books!   

The fleeces

 As I thought and fretted over what I would write about today it suddenly occurred to me that I would go along with the daily questions asked in my "On Purpose" study.  There is no sense in worrying about what to write about everyday.  It kinda of defeats the purpose, just saying.  The question posed today was what fleece are you going to lay out to God?  The exact questions were: 

What questions do you have about God's ability to use you?  What ministry or calling feels far-fetched and overwhelming right now?  

I know I have serious doubts in whatever God may ask me to do.  I'm really trying to wrap my head around the fact that I truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, that I can do nothing on my own.  I can only do what I'm called to do because of Him.  I remember this so vividly five years ago when Mike lost his job.  I still tell people it was like we sat in the backseat of a car while God took over the direction and handling of the car.  

Answering the second question is challenging and I've spent most of the day thinking about it.  What I can say is this I will soon be entering the empty nest season of my life.  Nick will be 18 in three years and Jay is moving out in two weeks.  Anyone who knows Nick knows he always has a plan.  Even at 15, he's rarely home.  He's always off to the next thing.  So although I'm still busy, I'm finding I have more time for myself, something I longed for in my 30's.  However, as I inch my way forward into this next season I find I have feelings of uncertainity, doubt and a bit of lonliness.  Afterall I work alone from home all day and live with boys - enough said.  

Additionally, I am not happy in my job.  Join the club, right?  I don't know how an upcoming empty nest phase and being unhappy in your job intertwine with one another but I am open to the possibilities.  I had a quick thought today (it was literally in my head for a second) that I could minister to my minister.  I think strong pastors who lead churches are under a lot of pressure and stress.  I think that culturally it will only get worse. The journey is fresh and new.  I'll keep on keeping on to see where it leads me. 

On a funny note, my 30 day journey is going well...so far.  Mike, however, would beg to differ.  I have probably been a wee bit edgy at night but that's only because I'm starved for conversation and if you know Mike, he's not a conversationalist.  

30 days

This is me: imperfect, unworthy, broken.  I continue to be a work in progress.  At 47 I had hoped I would have more figured out about life but I don't......not even close.  I live by my favorite bible verse, Philippians 3:14, "So I run straight toward the goal in order to win the prize which is God's call through Christ Jesus to the life above."  I've learned life is no sprint but a long winded marathon.  During my life run I've fallen many times, too many times to count, but because of Jesus I get up, dust myself off and keeping running towards the goal.    

On Sept. 24 I decided to give up alcohol for 30 days.   At the time I made that decision to cleanse my physical body but then yesterday (Sept. 26) I had an ah-ha moment that changed my entire thought process and goal(s).  I want to clear out all the distractions that get in the way of my relationship with God and His plan for my life - my purpose.  My pastor has been preaching about living "On Purpose."  The sermon he preached yesterday really spoke to me and then I got together with my sister and dear friend, Mary, who once again filled my cup.  Mary planted another seed and encouraged me to also give up social media and TV for 30 days.  I think I might have gasped when she mentioned it but then I really got to thinking about it.  If I'm completely honest alcohol, social media and TV (in no particular order) are three of my biggest distractions.  I figure I might as well rip the band aide off, painful as it may be and conquer all three at once.  In these next 30 days I really want to hear and see what the Holy Spirit wants me to do and how I can better serve God.  Giving up my three vices for 30 days won't be easy but I believe that at the end of this quest I will find it was so worth it.   

Come along side me as I go through these next 30 days.  

I did it

 I'm not going to post before and after pictures and I'm not going to write a big blog about how or what I did but as of today I finally reached my goal weight.  I wanted to lose 21 lbs and I did.  I started in early March 2021 and ended today, Sept. 22.  It took me nearly 6 months but I did it.  I pretty much did a happy dance on the scale this morning.  Life is good and I'm thankful. 

What's going on

 I have wanted to blog for weeks but wow things have been busy at work and in my personal life.  I decided to take just a little bit of time today to write an update on what's going on with everyone.  

Amy - Eighteen months ago my job changed.  Saying there has been growing pains is putting it mildly.  But slowly I'm starting to adapt to the new territory I handle.  I miss being out and visiting my people but I am happy to have a job and work from home.  I've lost 20 lbs.  My goal was 21 lbs.  I'm oh so close.  I feel so much better.  

Mike - Mike is home inspecting full time now. I stand in awe over how God has worked in Mike's life.  In the summer of 2020 Mike was really feeling worn out with Cornerstone.  Mary pitched the idea of home inspection to Mike and then hooked him up with a company she works with and the rest is history.  Mike began home inspecting for them in the spring of 2021.  He has kept Cornerstone and still works for the sorority that he's worked for since he started his business.  In time he may end up closing Cornerstone for good.  There are still a lot of unknowns but we've grown accostomed to that during this wild ride we've been on for 5 years.  

Jay - Jay is plumbing full time. He works for a friend of mine that I used to work with at State Farm.  Philip and I started together at State Farm and when he had an opportunity for a plumbing apprentice he hired Jay.  Jay will be with Philip for 6 months at the end of October. He seems to like the trade.  Jay is living at home but will be moving out in the next few weeks.  The blessing of having him home these past sixteen months (since he graduated high school) is another blog post all together.  Again I give all the glory to God.  It is time for Jay to move out and spread his wings but I will miss him terribly. 

Nick - Nick is living his best life.  He is a sophomore, playing football and doing all things Nick. He loves football but the schedule has been grueling.  He dresses varsity but plays JV.  He has games every Friday and Monday night. Most days he's out the door by 6:45 and home at 7pm at night. We bought him his first vehicle a few weeks ago so he could start driving it and getting use to it.  He has a date to homecoming.  I'm thrilled because if you talked to this boy this summer he thought homecoming was stupid and he was not going to participate.  I'm glad he changed his mind.  After what was a challenging freshman year (because of Covid) he said to me the other day how much he is enjoying high school.  It's refreshing to see kids back doing normal things.  We're not 100% yet but it's better than it was. 

My Mom - My mom is doing well.  We had an opportunity to get her into assisted living which she was agreeable to.  Kim and I welcomed the social part of it and having all her meals provided and simply less up keep with her home.  But it was not to be.  Walker was the issue.  The facility required that he be on a leash to go potty and mom simply can't do that.  Kim was super disappointed but being at home is where God wants mom to be right now.  Mom struggles with her speech but through some guess work Kim and I can usually guess what she's trying to say. 

I'm enjoying this season of my life right now.  Sure there are some challenges but I think every season is unique in its own way.  I remain deeply concerned with where my country is headed but I'm reminded every day my hope is not in the ways of this world or the culture.  My hope rests in Jesus and Him alone and that gives me extraordinary peace during the unknowns of todays world. 

Girl Trip - Cheaper than therapy - Labor Day Weekend

 My good friend, Betsy, pulled the trigger and booked a girls trip for us.  Me, Kim and four of my friends (Betsy, Laura, Taylor and Calli) went to New Buffalo, MI.  We had such a good time.  We rented a house and spent our weekend laughing, eating and drinking.  I mean does it get any more perfect?   We also went to the beach where I ended up losing my favorite and expense sunglasses.  I had no idea the lake waves would be so strong!  Anyway, I sure enjoyed my long weekend with these gals.  Such a wonderful time. 

Sieb and Nick spent their labor day weekend in TX with Mike and Jenny.  Needless to say it was a fun filled weekend for the Siebert family. 

America's Rebirth

 *This was my writing piece I wrote for my club in August.  I am proud of what I wrote and it took courage for me to read it, knowing I am a conservative minded woman in a group of liberal minded women.  My country is a changin' and I wrote this with concern in my heart.  

Disclaimer: It is 3am on Tuesday, Aug. 10.  I am up in the middle of the night writing this because  the idea came to me, it was keeping me up and it’s something I am most disturbed about these days.  In writing this I certainly hope I do not offend anyone.  Much of what I write will be based on my personal experiences and observations.  After I finished writing this and was able to self reflect I believe a major take away from it is that I understand and appreciate both sides.  It’s fair to say I fall somewhere right in the middle. That being said I’d like to start with a few facts about myself:

#1 - I am vaccinated and so is my husband.  I got vaccinated because my mother is classified as one of the most vulnerable.  My husband got vaccinated because he is in the public everyday for his job.  My children who are 19 and 15 have chosen not to get the vaccine at this time and I respect their decisions.  I would say it is about 50/50 for my friends who are vaccinated.  50% are and 50% aren’t.  

#2 - I believe Covid is real.  I am not a conspiracy theorist.  I am well aware it is a deadly disease to the most vulnerable.  Even people who have recovered got very sick and it remains unknown what the long term effects will be on their health. 

 

Alan Jackson wrote a song entitled, “Where were you when the world stopped turning?”  The song was about September 11, 2001.  The day America came under attack by terrorists.  Most people know exactly where they were when the first plane hit the World Trade Center.  The same question could be asked about March 2020, specifically March 13, 2020.  That was the day schools shut down and lock-down orders were implemented.  Americans were asked to stay home for two weeks to flatten the curve in order to not overwhelm the hospitals.  Fast forward to the current day, eighteen months later.  What was supposed to be 10 days turned into three months of being locked down in Illinois.  In my opinion things have gone from bad to worse.  Usually I have a positive outlook on most everything but recently I expressed my pessimism with my friend, Sarah.  I shared with her that I feared the life we knew in America may have ended on March 12, 2020.  She disagreed with me and pointed out that pandemics last on average three years and life as we know it will come back.  I’m glad there are Sarah’s in the world and I’m blessed to call her my friend.  It seems to me that America has been in a rebirth before the pandemic but March 13, 2020 really set things into motion.  A month ago I traveled to Hawaii.  There were many hoops that my vaccinated self had to jump through, not to mention the additional hoops my unvaccinated boys had to jump through but we were after all going to paradise so I jumped through the hoops, knowing that once my family arrived the hoop jumping would all be worth it.  I understood that when we got off the plane we’d have to go through a line and show our QR codes issued to us by the state of Hawaii.  I was dreading the process, thinking TSA might herd us mainlanders like cattle but to my surprise the process went well.  Sure it felt a little like Nazi Germany, standing in line and showing our special codes in order to be accepted and then ushered in but I can appreciate that Hawaii draws in tons of tourists from around the world.  My biggest irritation came when we checked into our resort.  The resort clerk indicated we’d have to show our QR codes again to prove the airport granted us passage into the big island.  I smiled at this worker who was only doing her job but I asked her, “How do you think we got here?  There’s only one way to get into the big island and we sure didn’t swim.”  To me that wasn’t following the science.  Just last week NYC advised that unvaccinated people can no longer go out to eat, go to a gym or attend concerts.  Restrictions throughout the country loosened in the late spring of 2021 and employers started to talk about what a return to work would look like.  A major employer in central Illinois brought some of their employees back to work but unvaccinated people were kept separate from vaccinated folks.  Granted this has changed some since the Delta Variant has wreaked havoc. I can appreciate the liability employers face and making those decisions are way above my pay grade but the human side of me struggles with it.  An unvaccinated friend of mine who returned to work compared the isolation at work to wearing a big scarlet letter.   And whatever happened to HIPAA, the privacy act?   I handle workers compensation claims and the only thing I can inquire about is a workers’ work status.  Asking about their overall health status is unheard and down right unethical in my line of work.  A woman I know who has attended the same church for upteen million years and has been an active member of her church choir was recently told she could no longer sing on Sunday mornings unless she was vaccinated.  I think that was when I took a step back and asked myself what in the world is going on?  The Covid 19 vaccine is not FDA approved.  The death rates are down especially when you look at January 2021 compared to August.  Never in America’s history have we locked down the healthy.  Perhaps part of my frustration is in the mixed messages we as a country have received.  First we were told masks were not necessary.  Then we were told masks were vital to stop the spread.  Then we were told two masks worked better than one.  After we were vaccinated we continued to wear the masks due to again mixed messaging that yes we could still spread the virus to finally hearing that No, we couldn’t.  Currently we’re being told that vaccinated Americans should wear masks in high risk areas but then Delta arrived.  On July 29, 2021 Newsweek reported that according to the CDC the Delta variant is equally contagious amongst vaccinated and unvaccinated and they can spread it equally.  It reported the CDC acknowledged they were wrong but said people still needed the vaccine to lessen the symptoms.  It is becoming increasingly difficult to decipher facts from fiction.   

Will vaccinated and unvaccinated people soon be walking around with big UV (unvaccinated)  and V (vaccinated) letters tattooed on their body or stamped on their clothing indicating their vaccination status?  All rational thoughts tell us absolutely not, those are what the vaccine passports are for, right?  When our media publicly declares that life for unvaccinated people needs to become very difficult I shudder.  I truly do see both sides of this. A good friend of mine is a nurse at one of our local ER’s.  She is seeing an uptick in Covid positive hospitalizations and most of them are unvaccinated.  All of these factors weigh heavily on my heart and I wonder what is to come for America.  Is there a rebirth happening?  What does that even look like and at what cost?  Only time will tell.  Perhaps I’m overthinking things.  If I ask myself what really bothers me the most it comes down to the ones I care deeply about; my children and some of my dearest friends who are very intelligent individuals I might add have made the choice not to get vaccinated.  Personal health choices have always been championed in America but it feels almost as if a darkness has spread throughout the country and pitted us against each other.  I’m reminded of a verse from Mark (Mark 3:24) “If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand.” .  

First day of Sophomore year

The first day of school has sure changed for me from getting littles ready and out the door to this....only one child left in high school.  Nick set his alarm this morning.  I made his breakfast and his ride had him picked up by 6:50 and he was off.  There were some summers I could not wait for the boys to go back to school.  This was not one of those summers.  The house is eerily quiet this morning.  Nick kept himself busy this summer, as only Nick can but it's still quiet, knowing he doesn't need a ride anywhere or asking me what there is to eat (like 20 times a day).  

Nick and Chase spent a lot of time together this summer, especially the last few weeks as football is back!  Chase's mom and I trade off rides and it works well.  Out here it just takes a village sometimes.  

My prayer for Nick this school year is that he is a light unto others.  That God places godly people in his path and that God leads me somewhere where I can get Nick "plugged" into a youth ministry/group. It's challenging out here and Covid certainly hasn't made things any easier.

This school year is certainly brighter than last year but our kids are still going back to school in masks thanks our governor.  Apparently parental choice doesn't mean anything anymore.  Our school district voted weeks ago that masks would be optional (in other words left up to parents) but our governor issued another one of his "mandates."  I've told Nick to make the best of it.  Our administrators and school board have made decisions based on what I believe to be in the best interests of our kids with what the governor has threatened them with.  Everyone is just trying to do the best they can at this point but the divisions are becoming more and more apparent.  It's worrisome but that's for another blog.  Until then I can only hope our kids will be out of masks soon.   

 

Preparing for Empty Nest 101

 I started this blog YEARS ago.  Like seriously I think Nick was 2 or 3 and Jay was 6 or 7.  Nick is now 15 and Jay is 19.  The boys still preside in our home but are never home.  Jay is a typical 19 year old.  He works full time and hangs out with his friends.  We see him in passing.  When he gets up in the morning I see him in the kitchen packing his lunch before work - trying to limit the amount of questions I ask him, knowing he's not the greatest morning person.  Mike and I usually see him when he gets home from work.  He showers and jets off to his next activity.  Nick who is as social as the day is long is also rarely home.  He's always planning his next adventure.  Since he's only 15 I imagine this will only accelerate when he turns 16.  Mike and I are spending many dinners alone.  The biggest difference is we stay at home.  When we were dating before marriage and kids we went out to eat...constantly.  Now we live in the stix, about 30 minutes from the nearest restaurant and I'm 47.  My waistline can only afford to go out so many times.  Although Mike has started a new job endeavor he still seems to be working 7 days/week.  It's annoying.  My prayer is he can figure out his schedule and make more time for us in the months to come because as I've told him, we're coming full circle - right back to where we started, just the two of us. It's not that I wish I was back to giving kids a bath every night and reading them a story, although I'd jump at the chance for just one more night.  Young mothers, you have no idea when the last bath or the last bedtime story will come.  I think it might be God's gift to us.  It's best we just don't know that.  As a mom it is a hard adjustment to know you aren't as needed as you once were.  Pre-empty nesting is like getting your freedom back but it's a freedom that is tainted by years of mothering, knowing what you're capable of  and knowing your entire being has been centered around your children for years - making plans for them, implementing them, supporting them and building them into the kids God made them to be.  I was always sure I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do.  I was and am sure I was exactly where He wanted me to be.  I still don't doubt that and I'm confident His plans for me far outweigh my own because I really knowing nothing.  Life is just a series of adjustments and I rest in God's plan for my empty nest phase.  

How I'm feeling......for real

 My blog this week centered around my blessings which are plentiful and I don't deserve.  But lately I've had this annoying feeling.  The best way to describe it is a feeling of being unsettled.  I realize how crazy this sounds.  Overall my life is pretty settled and probably a little predictable so what's the deal?  When I start to feel unsettled I instantly berate myself.  How dare I feel bad or complain about anything especially when I live in a culture where "Me" is front and center and I despise that - another problem of mine - being too critical. But today as I was driving I started asking myself questions - a strategy I learned from my mother.  What is it that bothers you?  In my head I went through the changes in my life over the last 5 years (2016-2021)

*Mike lost his job in late 2015 

*Mike started his own business in 2016.  He ran his own business for 5 years then recently started a new endeavor. 

*My grandparents passed away and I have thought about them a lot - especially recently. 

*My dad died

*Jay graduated from high school

*My mom suffered a stroke.  As the years have gone by Kim and I are more entrenched in care-giving. 

*The Ausili's left 

*My job changed dramatically 18 months ago 

*Covid hit

There has been a lot of changes in 5 years and although the changes have been challenging, each one of them has blessings peppered in the journey.  Perhaps my next blog will about the blessings that came from each one of them.  Right now I am trying to give myself some grace.  I can literally hear my friend Sarah in my ear right now saying...."Girl, you haven't dealt with all this stuff, get some counseling."  Sarah is another huge blessing!  I have reminded myself of the importance of just living for today.  I shouldn't worry about tomorrow.  Live today for what it is, own the feelings I have, work on what I need to work on and know that each day I fail but today is today, tomorrow is a new day.  I can get up the next morning knowing I serve a loving and faithful God.   

Blessings

 All last week after coming home from Hawaii I was in a funk.  I know a big part of it was physical as I was trying to adjust back to my central time zone but the other part was all mental.  It was kind of depressing to come back to reality.  I wasn't able to ease back into reality either.  I literally dove in head first but such is life, right?  If it sounds like I'm complaining....I am.  Keep reading though.  Two days ago which just happened to be Sunday morning I woke up and gave myself grace.  I didn't worry about getting in my 11,000 steps and I ate what I wanted.  I slept in.  I relaxed.  I called Jenny and we caught up on my trip and her upcoming trip to TN.  I sternly told myself that I was going to wake up on Monday morning and get back into my routine and then the glass is half full girl within myself came out.  God reminded me in that moment of all my blessings and they are plentiful.  

#1 - Mike and I were able to take our boys on an amazing vacation.  We created memories that will last a lifetime. For me personally, our trip will forever remain a sweet spot in my heart.  I loved having my boys go with us, especially Jay, knowing he might not have been able to go because of work or choose not to go.  He is 19 after all.  I loved seeing Nick snorkel and doing Nick things which is pretty much anything and everything.   

#2 - Mike is fully engaged in home inspection.  I will blog more about this in another blog but when I look back over the last five years I have to pinch myself.  I won't say it's been easy but doors have been opened for Mike that God has blessed immeasurably.  

#3 - Nick's leg recovered.  He is now back to life on two legs.  He hasn't been cleared for football yet but that's his only restriction.  His break could have been so much worse and I know God's hand of protection was over him that day.  He wasn't able to work this summer as he had planned but the minute he recovered and we got home from Hawaii jobs have literally fell into his lap and he's working like a typical Siebert boy.  Ha!  He's working so much that he'll have saved what we require in order for him to buy a car.  It's hard to believe we'll soon be car shopping for him.  

#4 - Jay really seems to like his plumbing job.  It's funny how life comes full circle.  Jay works for my friend, Philip.  Philip and I worked together for years and I would come to work, sit in my cubicle day after day and he would have me in gales of laughter.  He made work fun.  Philip is an all around good guy.  My prayer for Jay during his senior year and after was that he would work with godly men with good character.  Talk about a prayer being answered.  Jay comes home and shares funny stories with us. Philip is patient while Jay learns and makes the job fun.  My prayer is that Jay continues to gain more confidence in his trade/career.  

#5 - As for me.  Life is good.  While it's true my job has been a thorn in my side since being thrown into a new territory almost 18 months ago I feel like I'm slowly coming out of the fog and into the light.  I'm blessed to have the job I do and I continue to love working from home and having that flexibility. 

#6 - I live in America and I'm a proud American.  

All of these blessings were a good reminder of the sweet season of life I'm in. I give glory to God for all of my blessings.  

Reality

 To say I'm having a hard time "settling back in" this week would be an understatement.  I'm in a  Hawaiian vacation fog and the five hour time difference has taken it's toll on me.  Before I left for Hawaii I was getting up every morning at 5:30 a.m. and taking an invigorating walk.  Even when I was in Hawaii I met my 11,000 step goal nearly everyday.  Since I've gotten home I've gotten up zero times in the morning to walk.  This morning I slept in until 6:45 which is pretty much unheard of for me, even on the weekends.  Somehow I'm still managing to get in my 11,000 steps but I've been sluggish.  My legs feel like lead weights when I do walk.  I decided to give myself some grace.  I need some time to get back into the reality of life when for 8 days I literally lived in paradise.  Not that I'm complaining or anything.....wink, wink!  I'm confident by next week I'll get my groove back.  I've continued to fall short of my weight loss goals.  I was within 3.5 lbs of meeting my goal before I left for Hawaii.  Clearly I need to re-evaluate that next week and prepare myself mentally for my continued health goals, even though all I really want to do is lay on the beach, laugh with my family and drink the Hawaiian vodka Mike bought for me.  Reality has a way of really biting you in the you know what. 

Our Hawaii Vacation

I'm writing this while still being on my Hawaiian high!  This vacation was no joke.  It was truly amazing.  Clearly I am in love with Hawaii and so is Mike!  The boys loved it too but their hearts are still with the cruise we took in 2019.  Don't get me wrong, that was an awesome vacation and it's not that I liked this vacation over the cruise.  In fact we all had different things about the cruise and this vacation that we liked or wished we could change.  For example the great thing about the cruise was our food was always taken care of.  We never had to think about.  The not so great thing about this vacation was our food was not taken care of and since Hawaii had just opened up from Covid there were huge staffing issues.  We found it impossible to get reservations and to make it worse our fridge in our condo didn't work.  We never starved (ha) but coming up with ideas on what to eat and then actually trying to eat it was challenging.  What I liked about this vacation was the slower pace and there weren't crowds.  I would get up nearly every morning and walk with Kim or Mike.  I loved, loved, loved every minute I got to spend with Karen and my cousins.  Lauren was an absolute joy and I so enjoyed spending the time with her and Kim. I am truly blessed by my family.  Everyday we would do our own activities and in the afternoon we'd meet up at the pool with our cocktails and laugh and talk for hours.  The weather was absolute perfection.  One day we drove the Jeep into the mountain and got 10,000 feet up.  Another morning, 1:30 am, to be precise Mike and I star - gazed.  We all snorkeled and loved it.  Nick adores snorkeling and would have snorkeled all day if we let him but my children being in the ocean tends to give me a heart attack!  Mike and Jay took a helicopter ride one day and boy was it memorable for them.  Jay was literally speechless afterwards and Mike couldn't stop talking about it.  One afternoon Kim and I sat in the pool and chatted with Jay about Jesus.  My heart was so full to learn he was a believer - that my hope when I was taking him to church all those years which he remembered vividly - even the early days of going to the little church in Danvers.  Kim and I were giddy with excitement to learn Jay's hope had been placed in Jesus and not the influence of our culture.  And speaking of Jay, Mike and I were so aware this might have been his last vacation with us.  I just felt very strongly this was our last vacation as a family of four.  It's not that I don't think Jay won't go on vacation with us again but next time he may bring a girlfriend.  Nick may bring a friend next time also. All of these future changes are wonderful and part of life.  I welcome and look forward to more family vacations with daughter in laws, friends and additional family.  There was just something so sweet about being together in Hawaii as a family of four.  Time changes everything and my boys being ages 19 and 15 is a clear indicator of that.  Check out the adorable picture I took of them above.  I could write so much more but to put it simply my heart is full.  My family filled my cup this week and this trip will be one for the memory books.  

One last thing I should mention: Traveling to Hawaii is like childbirth.  It's so painful at the time and you swear that after you do it once you won't ever do it again but then years go by and you forget about the pain and decide to do it again because you just love it so much!  Ha.  Mike and I love Hawaii and although the flight is miserable I'm pretty sure we'll forget all about it and venture to another island in the years to come!