First day of Sophomore year

The first day of school has sure changed for me from getting littles ready and out the door to this....only one child left in high school.  Nick set his alarm this morning.  I made his breakfast and his ride had him picked up by 6:50 and he was off.  There were some summers I could not wait for the boys to go back to school.  This was not one of those summers.  The house is eerily quiet this morning.  Nick kept himself busy this summer, as only Nick can but it's still quiet, knowing he doesn't need a ride anywhere or asking me what there is to eat (like 20 times a day).  

Nick and Chase spent a lot of time together this summer, especially the last few weeks as football is back!  Chase's mom and I trade off rides and it works well.  Out here it just takes a village sometimes.  

My prayer for Nick this school year is that he is a light unto others.  That God places godly people in his path and that God leads me somewhere where I can get Nick "plugged" into a youth ministry/group. It's challenging out here and Covid certainly hasn't made things any easier.

This school year is certainly brighter than last year but our kids are still going back to school in masks thanks our governor.  Apparently parental choice doesn't mean anything anymore.  Our school district voted weeks ago that masks would be optional (in other words left up to parents) but our governor issued another one of his "mandates."  I've told Nick to make the best of it.  Our administrators and school board have made decisions based on what I believe to be in the best interests of our kids with what the governor has threatened them with.  Everyone is just trying to do the best they can at this point but the divisions are becoming more and more apparent.  It's worrisome but that's for another blog.  Until then I can only hope our kids will be out of masks soon.   

 

Preparing for Empty Nest 101

 I started this blog YEARS ago.  Like seriously I think Nick was 2 or 3 and Jay was 6 or 7.  Nick is now 15 and Jay is 19.  The boys still preside in our home but are never home.  Jay is a typical 19 year old.  He works full time and hangs out with his friends.  We see him in passing.  When he gets up in the morning I see him in the kitchen packing his lunch before work - trying to limit the amount of questions I ask him, knowing he's not the greatest morning person.  Mike and I usually see him when he gets home from work.  He showers and jets off to his next activity.  Nick who is as social as the day is long is also rarely home.  He's always planning his next adventure.  Since he's only 15 I imagine this will only accelerate when he turns 16.  Mike and I are spending many dinners alone.  The biggest difference is we stay at home.  When we were dating before marriage and kids we went out to eat...constantly.  Now we live in the stix, about 30 minutes from the nearest restaurant and I'm 47.  My waistline can only afford to go out so many times.  Although Mike has started a new job endeavor he still seems to be working 7 days/week.  It's annoying.  My prayer is he can figure out his schedule and make more time for us in the months to come because as I've told him, we're coming full circle - right back to where we started, just the two of us. It's not that I wish I was back to giving kids a bath every night and reading them a story, although I'd jump at the chance for just one more night.  Young mothers, you have no idea when the last bath or the last bedtime story will come.  I think it might be God's gift to us.  It's best we just don't know that.  As a mom it is a hard adjustment to know you aren't as needed as you once were.  Pre-empty nesting is like getting your freedom back but it's a freedom that is tainted by years of mothering, knowing what you're capable of  and knowing your entire being has been centered around your children for years - making plans for them, implementing them, supporting them and building them into the kids God made them to be.  I was always sure I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do.  I was and am sure I was exactly where He wanted me to be.  I still don't doubt that and I'm confident His plans for me far outweigh my own because I really knowing nothing.  Life is just a series of adjustments and I rest in God's plan for my empty nest phase.  

How I'm feeling......for real

 My blog this week centered around my blessings which are plentiful and I don't deserve.  But lately I've had this annoying feeling.  The best way to describe it is a feeling of being unsettled.  I realize how crazy this sounds.  Overall my life is pretty settled and probably a little predictable so what's the deal?  When I start to feel unsettled I instantly berate myself.  How dare I feel bad or complain about anything especially when I live in a culture where "Me" is front and center and I despise that - another problem of mine - being too critical. But today as I was driving I started asking myself questions - a strategy I learned from my mother.  What is it that bothers you?  In my head I went through the changes in my life over the last 5 years (2016-2021)

*Mike lost his job in late 2015 

*Mike started his own business in 2016.  He ran his own business for 5 years then recently started a new endeavor. 

*My grandparents passed away and I have thought about them a lot - especially recently. 

*My dad died

*Jay graduated from high school

*My mom suffered a stroke.  As the years have gone by Kim and I are more entrenched in care-giving. 

*The Ausili's left 

*My job changed dramatically 18 months ago 

*Covid hit

There has been a lot of changes in 5 years and although the changes have been challenging, each one of them has blessings peppered in the journey.  Perhaps my next blog will about the blessings that came from each one of them.  Right now I am trying to give myself some grace.  I can literally hear my friend Sarah in my ear right now saying...."Girl, you haven't dealt with all this stuff, get some counseling."  Sarah is another huge blessing!  I have reminded myself of the importance of just living for today.  I shouldn't worry about tomorrow.  Live today for what it is, own the feelings I have, work on what I need to work on and know that each day I fail but today is today, tomorrow is a new day.  I can get up the next morning knowing I serve a loving and faithful God.