Motherhood

 Last night I decided to read through some of my blog books.  I grabbed a book from 2013 which quite frankly feels like a life time ago.  In 2013 Jay was 11 and Nick was 7.  All I can say is thank goodness the Lord gave me a spiritual gift of writing.  Clearly I'm not a best selling author but I have a gift for words and I enjoy putting pen to paper and using creativity in my writing, especially when it comes to my boys.  My blogs have proven to be a wonderful source of distant memories, laughter and heartwarming joy.  Having children has given me a small understanding of the Father's deep love of his children.  It is never lost on me that as much as I love Jay and Nick, God loves them more.  From the moment they were born it has been a shaping and growing process of who I am and who I've become, in all the good ways.  Who would I be without my children?  How would I view the world without my boys and most importantly, what would my faith look like without them?  The best part of this life season is enjoying the fruits of our labor.  Jay and Nick are the two of the most amazing humans.  My relationship with them no longer requires me to schedule their appointments or monitor their comings and goings.  It is however a season of reconizing and establishing boundries on my end - knowing not to overstep, giving unsolicited advice and figuring out which media is the best way to communicate with them (Jay, it's snapchat; Nick, it's a good old fashioned phone call).  My mother once told me her wish was for me to have children who would bring me as much joy as Kim and I brought her.  I wish the same for my children.  Motherhood truly was and is the best gift God blessed and entrusted me with.   

Mom's 75th Birthday

I'm late in writing about mom's 75th birthday.  We celebrated her birthday on the night of Feb. 28.  We took this picture of all of us.  Mom had such a nice time and we surprised her with Kathy Levins!  That night per mom's request we made hamburgers, hot dogs and I fixed her favorite cocktail, long island ice teas.  I made her own individual helping of apple crisp to take home. 

Kathy Levins and mom have been friends since I was a kid so at least 45 plus years.  They don't get to see each other very often any more so they were thrilled to spend an evening together! 

 Another surprise for mom was on her actual birthday.  Jay has been laid off at work and just happened to be off on nana's birthday.  He surprised her and showed up at L.O. to serve cake with her friends, Faith R., Faith M. and Leslie.  You can see by mom's smile how happy she was to see her oldest grandson.  

Mom continues to live her life with joy and I know her eternal rewards will be plentiful.  She is a bright light to others and has never lost her sense of humor.  Life isn't easy for her but she rarely complains.  I am thankful for provisions God has given her.  

CWA - Cookies for Cops

About six weeks ago I was sitting in church when an idea came to me.  It was an idea to serve our law enforcement and the holy spirit whispered "Cookies for Cops."  Right after church I told Shannon about my idea who was exactly the person I needed to tell first.  Shannon has a huge heart for law enforcement and she helped run with the idea and provided much needed encouragement.  With the help of my C.W.A. ladies we planned for this event and we were able to bless law enforcement.  

Here is Shannon helping serve a local sheriff.  The event itself did not generate a lot of people, however, as all of us said we were obedient to what God was calling us to do.  It was for His glory and He is in control of the outcome, not us.  The beauty is we don't know what seeds were planted that night but what I do know is despite terrible weather that evening (we are talking horrible thunderstorms), six of us ladies and Luke too (ha) laughed together in fellowship and enjoyed serving others.  

After the storm God showed up and gave us a rainbow!  

My sister and Stephanie baked and decorated these cookies.  Not only were they good but super festive. 

Next to my mother my sister is my biggest fan.  She has supported me from the start with C.W.A., even though she didn't really have a heart for it.  All that has changed, she loves being a part of C.W.A. and I would not be where I am today if it weren't for her support and encouragement!  

By the end of our evening we realized we had way too much food left so we delivered the left overs to two local fire stations and a police station.  We were also able to donate chips and coffee cups to church.  Nothing was wasted that night.  As this was our first year doing this we learned a lot and we'll tweak a few things next year but we'll definitely do it again.  One thing we'll add is treats for the K-9's.  One officer brought his dog with him which we loved. 

 

Life these days

 I'm entering week 4 of empty nest.  I've gone through the stages of emotions.  Week one was the honeymoon phase.  Week two was the grief stage.  Week three was the acceptance stage.  I can say with confidence that I'm adjusting better than I thought and I've settled into this new role.  These past four weeks I've had some time to reflect and I've noticed a few things.  First, I would never say I was a helicoptor parent and I'm fairly certain Mike and the boys would agree with me, however, I'm also a typical mom and I think the weight of worry I carried was real and something I wasn't fully aware of until the boys moved out.  I still worry about them but I've noticed I sleep better and I'm not concerned on where they are at night which is quite freeing.  When your kids live with you, no matter their age you are aware of their comings and goings.  For example the other night Jay was in our neighborhood spending the evening with friends.  Since he had been drinking he quietly let himself into our house to spend the night instead of driving home.  He didn't need to ask, nor were we aware that this was his plan, which is fine.  Our home is his home and it was obviously a good decision to stay. I was aware Jay was hanging out with friends but I've noticed I'm better with "let go and let God," attitude when they don't live with me.  I figured that if he had drinking he would make the right decision to stay at our house.  I went to bed and didn't think about it.  Normally I'd be up several times checking life360, listening for the back door to shut, watching for headlights in the driveway.  Between having adult kids that live with you and menopause sleep disruption has been a challenging reality for me but I think I didn't realize the weight of anxiety I carried until the kids moved out.  Mike and I had no idea Jay was even in the house until the morning when we saw his car parked in the drive and the loud snoring coming from the bedroom above ours (ha).  It occurred to me I had slept peacefully through the night.    I know my girlfriends have been praying for me during this new chapter and boy have I felt those prayers.  I am looking forward to this new chapter.  

One week later

 Nick officially moved out a week ago tonight.  I quickly went through the honeymoon phase over the weekend, cleaning and getting rid of things that were left behind from Jay and Nick (that I knew they didn't want).  It felt freeing.  No longer will we go through a full bag of laundry soap on a weekly basis.  Our cases of bottle water should last us months now instead of weeks.  However, none of that matters.  It's just stuff.  If the laundry soap is being used it means people live here and are using it.  If we replace our bottled water on a weekly basis it means people are here and drinking it.  The reality is the house is eerily quiet.  Mike and I crawled into bed last night and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying.  It's just going to take me a hot minute to adjust to my new normal.  I always try to live with a spirit of thankfulness.  I'm so thankful my boys have bought their own homes and are good men.  Most of all I am thankful for my connection with them even though raising boys who grow into adult men is like a slow break up for us boy moms.  It's figuring how to still connect with them without annoying them.  Would they rather talk to me on the phone once a week, or snapchat or share memes over instagram?  Sometimes it's a simple text.  With time I will find a new rhythm.  Until then ignore me if you find me crying for no reason.  I'm just adjusting to my very empty nest.  

Nick's House

 Nick in front of his new home!  This home is tiny but perfect for Nick.  It's one bedroom, one bath but it's newly remodeled.  Mike will be installing a washer/dryer combo unit for Nick soon and then he should be set.  One of the best features of this home for Nick is the large two car garage.  Plus it's only 10 minutes from work.  Such an exciting time for him. 

January/February Birthday Celebration

 

Last night I hosted a birthday dinner for Jay, Rylan and Luke (more on what each of them are up to at the bottom of this post).  One of my favorite things to do is host family and friends for dinner - truly.  As we inched closer to the date Rylan asked if she could bring a friend and so did Jay.  So many times when the boys were growing up I couldn't always say Yes to things but I always say Yes to having more people in my home.  The more the merrier.  Mike always makes plenty of food and filling my house with people I love is such a blessing.    

Jay's crew.  I love all these kids. From left right, Aaron, Nicholle, Reece and sweet Hannah.  

Nick has moved into his house now.  I'll post on that in a separate post.  I am so happy for him.  Rylan is too.  She has helped him with decorating and is so proud of him.  They are such a sweet couple.  Mary isn't in any of these photos (boo) but Mary and John came last night and so did my mom.  I thanked Mary for always being my Yes friend.  I ask her to do things or I invite her to things and she simply says Yes.  She and John are family to us.  

Jay - He turned 24 on Jan. 16.  He and Hannah are so good together.  Their home is so cozy and warm.  Jay is into his 3rd year as an electrical apprentice and enjoys the job.  Work has been a little slow for him but hopefully it will pick up soon.  Jay is a foodie.  One of his first big purchases for his home was a nice grill.  Last night he brought pork belly that was delicious and gone by the end of the night.  Ha!  One of the best things about Jay is his kind heart, his sweet nature and his love of animals.  

Rylan - She will be 19 on Jan. 27.  I couldn't have known when I met her for the first time in my driveway (with Mary by the way) in June 2024 what a blessing she would be to Nick and our family.  She is patient as the day is long.  She is talented at everything she does (no joke) and she is incredibly thoughtful and kind.  She just started nursing school, in addition to working at the place where my mom lives and running her own photography business which she's so good at.  

Luke - He will be 15 on Feb. 9.  How my mom's youngest grandchild is going to be 15 is beyond me.    He loves to grill now (maybe he'll be a foodie too) and try anything new Mike makes that is meat related.  Luke loves the Lord and is truly interested in people's lives.  Kim has been leading in the youth ministry at church and Luke has invited several friends to go with him.  He proudly wears whatever he wants to school - sometimes even pajama pants (ha) and is currently in driver's ed.  Most Sundays he goes to church with his grandma and poppy.