Dad's legacy

This morning at 2:10 a.m. my dad went home to be with our Lord.  Kim and I were blessed to be at his bedside when he took his final breath.  It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but God was once again at work.  As I reflect on the last two weeks I experienced a range of emotions.  I couldn't understand why God would do this to my dad after everything he went through and there is still a part of me that won't understand this side of heaven.  However, I see the gifts He placed on our journey.  My sister and I had the honor of spending my dad's final days with him, just the three of us.  We adore our Aunt Karen - like seriously adore her, but for some reason God chose March 5 for the day that dad would get sick.  It was also the day that Aunt Karen committed to watching her granddaughter full time.  Due to that, my sister and I handled dad's care and spent countless hours with him, just the three of us.  In some ways, it was like old times.  We laughed together and Kim and I made it our goal to make it as light as possible for our dad in his final days.  My relationship with Kim was strengthened.  One of the best compliments I received was from my Aunt Karen who said  (while my dad only had 12 more hours to live) that Kim and I had provided my dad with such love and value during his final days.  My dad also leaves me with a sense of courage and perseverance.  Additionally, I have such admiration for hospice workers and nursing home staff.  People at the end of their life have just as much value as anyone else, and deserve love, kindness and dignity. Last night at 12:17 a.m. my Aunt called me and said the nurse on duty, Mike, called her and said my dad only had hours to live.  God bless, Mike.  Had he not called, we would not have had the opportunity to be with dad during his final hour.  Kim and I drove to dad with knots in our stomach, as we knew that what we would be walking into would not be pretty, and it wasn't, but it was also the most moving, God-filled, moment of my life.  God made sure Kim and I made it in time.  Our dad needed his daughters to send him off into heaven.  During my drive I prayed for strength.  God granted my request.  Kim and  I sat over dad, whispered we loved him relentlessly, told him it was okay to go home, recited the Lord's prayer and finally, we told him we told him we knew he loved us and I told him that I would continue to see him in Kim's sense of humor, Jay's handsome good looks, Nick's work ethic, Luke's silly faces, and Lauren's affectionate nature.  It was at that time dad drew his last breath and went to his eternal home.  Thanks be to God and his gift of salvation through Jesus Christ!  It's because of that gift the gates are open to us.  One day I know dad will be waiting for me at the gates with a healthy body, a voice I can understand clearly, with arms outstretched as he says, "Welcome daughter, I have been waiting for you."

I see God

It's funny how life can change in an instant.  I always say it's the things you don't see coming that hit you the hardest.  I think back to what my day looked like last Sunday and the boys, Mike and I were tearing up our carpet, jamming to music with the windows open and eating burgers for lunch.  Even though we were doing physical labor, it was a good day.  Then at 2:38 a.m. on Monday morning, it all changed with a phone call.  My dad was being rushed to the ER.  He was admitted and by Wednesday my sister, aunt and I heard the news we never saw coming.  My dad has a large, aggressive, malignant and inoperable tumor at the base of his tongue.  After everything my dad has been through I was not and am not prepared to see him go out like this, but then death is never fun.  The past few days all I've had to hang my hat on God's promises to us.  My dad is a believer.  My sister and I have held firmly onto Romans 8:18 (the pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming).  I know my dad will soon be in the presence of his Heavenly Father.  Today I caught him looking at the framed picture of his parents in his room.  I think he knows he will soon be with them. Over the past few days I have seen God at work and I know he has not forgotten my dad and that he loves us all.  It started on Friday morning with the stranger who told me to tell my dad "the best is yet to come."  Then the ENT doctor who called my aunt personally to tell her as a family we were making the right decision in terms of proceeding with hospice.  This was the affirmation we needed.  Every family member questions whether there was more they could do or if there was something different they could have tried.  The ENT doctor put any doubts we had to rest.  We saw God in the tears of the nursing home director who cried and assured us that it would be an honor to service our dad in his final days.  My dad has been a resident for 8 years and he is loved by the staff and they are now in the process of saying their goodbyes to my dad.  I saw God on Friday when He gave me, my sister and my dad the gift of time.  The three of us spent the entire day together in dad's hospital room.  My dad was awake most of the day and although many times I could see fear in his eyes, there were other times we saw our dad from our childhood in his expressions and his laughter.  It was truly a gift for all three of us.  We made him laugh and he made us laugh. Kim saw God through his nurse on his first night back at the nursing home.  Her name was Brandi and she cried with Kim and assured Kim that dad had been her patient for 8 years, she would take extra good care of him.  As I write this my dad is dying.  It is horrific to watch, but I am thankful for hospice and my dad seems to be in very little pain.  I continue to pray for peace and comfort for him until his Heavenly Father calls him home.

Psalm 34: 18

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. 

Every so often my kids can really blow it out of the park with ah-ha moments.  Since we found out the Ausili's are moving I have used the words broken hearted many times.  I question what our life is supposed to look like without them since they will be living 12 hours away from us.  I imagine Mike and I looking at each other in July and asking, "Well, what now?"  Ha!  Last night Nick told me he stumbled across a bible verse that he found comforting since we are a bit broken hearted these days.  It was Psalm 34:18.  He read it out loud to me and I was instantly reminded of God's love for all of us.  This bible verse reassures me that God knows of our crushed spirit and He is close to us in our sadness.  I am fully confident our families will continue to thrive and our times together will be that much more precious.  It was a good reminder of His faithfulness and how he once again uses the most unlikely - Nick - to get His message across.  I love how God works!  

Picture catch up

 I'm so proud of Nick.  He and Mike have found a HUGE (used) fish tank about 2 hours from here.  Mike wants to hire movers to simply get the fish tank out of the basement.  Nick has been calling movers to find out if any company would move the tank from the basement and into Mike's truck.  I give him a lot of credit!  He is polite, articulate and asks the right questions.  Sadly, however, he still hasn't been able to find movers to take on this small of a job.

 Ausili's came out a week ago.  As I write this Faith is feeling SO much better, but on this night she was still not feeling the greatest so she cuddled up on the couch and got some love from Jay, Cole and Curt.

 Basketball ended for Nick two days ago.  Hallejah!  It was a LONG season.  It always is, but sadly this season presented some challenges for Jay and Nick.  Challenges aren't a bad thing and I believe they will overcome them, but it was challenging enough that it made for a very long season.  The picture above is of Nick and his friend, B.

 Nick is number 55!  I did see Nick improve through the season and I saw the most progress the last two weeks.  Also, on a positive note Nick displays exceptional sportsmanship, which is noticed by many.  Good job, Nick!

 I am really behind in blogging.  We had Luke's bday party about two weeks ago.  I look like death but it's because I was just getting over from being sick - like really sick.  Kim had breakfast for dinner for Luke's party!

Happy 7th Birthday, Luke!!

Catching our breath

I admit I've been in a sour mood this entire week.  I am trying to slowly recover from last week.  I'm trying to absorb the news that Ausili's are leaving, and it's really hard.  I've pretty much walked around the house with a Kleenex in hand and puffy eyes.  But through all the sadness I see light.  God is good at that.  Last night Sarah, Jenny and I had dinner together.  When Jenny got up to use the restroom, Sarah reached across the table, grabbed my hand, with tears in her eyes she said she hoped that even though Jenny was leaving that it wouldn't change our friendship.  With tears streaming down my cheeks I told her this common hurt we share will only make us stronger & closer.  As usual God has continued to bless me with amazing friends.  The news continues to be dominated about the school shooting in Parkland, FL last week.  As a parent of a middle schooler and high schooler, my heart is broken over the devastating loss of the 17 precious children & teachers who lost their lives senselessly.  Then Billy Graham died this week, although it's sad, it's also joyous.  Reverend Graham was 99 years old and loved Jesus Christ.
I am committing to blogging more.  My goodness I haven't even posted a picture of the boys lately.  In regards to the boys, they are good!  Jay is done with basketball.  It wasn't his best season personally, but his team won games, which was refreshing.  Jay will be having more private basketball lessons.  Whether or not he decides to play his junior year remains to be seen, but he was interested enough to continue his private lessons, so we'll see.  Nick has his final basketball tournament tomorrow.  His season was just okay also, and I don't know if he'll play next year or not.  His biggest challenge will be whether or not he can make the team.  I want to spend the next several months just trying to catch my breath.  I'm so thankful for so many things.  Mike's business continues to do well.  My boys are healthy and I'm surrounded by family and good friends.  Life is good, even during times of change.

What the heck happened this week?

What the heck happened this week was a question Nick asked just last night after a week of disappointments, illnesses, a car accident and the straw that broke the camels back, Ausili's are moving to Dallas.  Not to mention the absolute sadness I feel over the lives lost in Parkland, FL from yet another school shooting.  This was when Nick finally asked the question in his big booming voice, "What the heck happened this week?"  It was like this week literally blew up in our face.  Some weeks are just like that but this week tested me in every way. It all started with illness.  Mike got sick about 3 weeks ago and this week was so sick he missed an entire day of work.  Mike has to be near death to miss work, so yes he was near death.  This was no joking matter.  I forced him to go to the doctor and as I write this blog he's turned a corner and is slowly coming back to life.  I was sick all last week, like super sick, and haven't felt like myself since before I got sick.  It's like I've been walking around in a fog, which leads me to first big hit this week.  We had such gloomy, foggy weather that Faith got in a car accident this week.  She is okay and so were the others involved in the accident.  All I know for certain is God's hand protected her and the others, and in the midst of my heartache and disappointment this week I have a thankful heart.  I hugged her so tightly today that I thought I'd strain her already strained neck.  Life is precious, friends, as if I even had to tell you that.  Several weeks ago I learned that my dear friend, Mary, was moving "back home."  In fact she had put an offer in on a house (and they had accepted) only 20 minutes from me.  I was elated, but I also knew there was a chance the Ausili's could get a transfer with Mike's job at any time.  I pushed it out of my head as I could almost feel God saying, "Amy, I'm taking the Ausili's, but I'm giving you Mary."  And I've learned that I know nothing.  God is God and I am not.  Mary texted me this week and the sale on her house that was only 20 minutes from me fell through.  That's not to say she is not moving back home, but things are up in the air for her and John right now and it most definitely means she won't be living 20 minutes from me.  This news came from Mary on the day after Faith's accident.  Then last night I learned that Ausili's will be moving to Dallas.......13 hours from us.  I don't even have the words to write articulately at this point.  I only write to document.  I am not thinking clearly and my only laughter comes from my friend, Sarah, who loves Jenny as much as I do.  Her and I are joking that we'll have Sieb make us a She Shed and we'll drive it down to Texas and we'll make Sieb be our bartender!  In every situation I try to see some humor and I've certainly learned to be thankful in all things.  I am thankful for Sarah.  I am thankful that although things are up in the air for Mary, that house she was going to buy was not the right house for her.  There will be another house for her, in fact it will be "the house" and it will be just right for her and John.  I am thankful, oh so thankful, that Faith is okay.  I am thankful for my mother who feels every bit as sad over this news as I am, and sees the Ausili's as an extension of her family.  I will continue to pray that Dallas is where God wants the Ausili's to be and that He uses them for His glory.  In the meantime I will allow myself to feel just a little broken and devastated over the changes that are sure to come.  My husband is losing his brother, as that is what Mike Ausili has been to him, a brother, who not only was his childhood friend, but who stood by him during his job loss, prayed for him for years and then baptized him.  In putting a positive spin on this, there are good times to be had in Dallas and there is a direct flight from our local airport.  I've already promised Jenny that on the day she leaves I will never touch another cosmo again, unless I'm with her, as that is our cocktail!  I promise in the months to come I will have a more coherent blog filled with wisdom and encouragement.........Or at least I'll try anyway.

Pulling Staples

I have a new appreciation for my husband and the work he does.  Last night the boys and I assisted Mike in pulling staples out of a floor and it was awful.  The boys had done this work for Mike before and were "pros" at it.  Me, not so much.  After 3 hours my hands, wrists and shoulders were on fire, and even though I only had maybe another 30 minutes of work, I quit.  That's right, I quit!  I threw my tool down and said I was done!  Then I confronted Mike about this whole staple pulling business.  Was this something he did consistently?  He smiled and patiently said that it wasn't something he did consistently, but when he does floors (which he does a lot in my opinion) the staples have to be pulled.  I asked him how long that takes him, on average?  He said depending on the space it can range anywhere from 4 - 6 hours!!  Four to six hours, that insanity, I exclaimed!  He said he puts his ear buds in, plays music and pulls away.  Mike also does things ergonomically correct, so there is very little strain to his body, although he tells me his body feels pain everyday.  There was nothing ergonomically correct in the way I was pulling those staples.  Nick and Mike took every opportunity to tell me I was putting way more strain on my body than I needed to, which after awhile their well intended advice got annoying.  In any case, my point is, Mike works hard, literally, and although I have always known this, I had to experience it to fully appreciate it.  It's kind of like being a parent.  No one can tell you what it's like until you actually do it and experience it.  The reality is I didn't even get to experience the full extent of Mike's work but it was enough for me to know, I never want to pull staples again!