Watching my niece being involved with CWA has been a true gift. She is an old soul, quiet in nature but always taking in everything around her. No doubt the Lord has big plans for her and I pray that every second she has spent involved with CWA will stay with her into adulthood and help mold her into the young woman God desires her to be.
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Last night I decided to read through some of my blog books. I grabbed a book from 2013 which quite frankly feels like a life time ago. In 2013 Jay was 11 and Nick was 7. All I can say is thank goodness the Lord gave me a spiritual gift of writing. Clearly I'm not a best selling author but I have a gift for words and I enjoy putting pen to paper and using creativity in my writing, especially when it comes to my boys. My blogs have proven to be a wonderful source of distant memories, laughter and heartwarming joy. Having children has given me a small understanding of the Father's deep love of his children. It is never lost on me that as much as I love Jay and Nick, God loves them more. From the moment they were born it has been a shaping and growing process of who I am and who I've become, in all the good ways. Who would I be without my children? How would I view the world without my boys and most importantly, what would my faith look like without them? The best part of this life season is enjoying the fruits of our labor. Jay and Nick are the two of the most amazing humans. My relationship with them no longer requires me to schedule their appointments or monitor their comings and goings. It is however a season of reconizing and establishing boundries on my end - knowing not to overstep, giving unsolicited advice and figuring out which media is the best way to communicate with them (Jay, it's snapchat; Nick, it's a good old fashioned phone call). My mother once told me her wish was for me to have children who would bring me as much joy as Kim and I brought her. I wish the same for my children. Motherhood truly was and is the best gift God blessed and entrusted me with.
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Mom continues to live her life with joy and I know her eternal rewards will be plentiful. She is a bright light to others and has never lost her sense of humor. Life isn't easy for her but she rarely complains. I am thankful for provisions God has given her.
By the end of our evening we realized we had way too much food left so we delivered the left overs to two local fire stations and a police station. We were also able to donate chips and coffee cups to church. Nothing was wasted that night. As this was our first year doing this we learned a lot and we'll tweak a few things next year but we'll definitely do it again. One thing we'll add is treats for the K-9's. One officer brought his dog with him which we loved.
I'm entering week 4 of empty nest. I've gone through the stages of emotions. Week one was the honeymoon phase. Week two was the grief stage. Week three was the acceptance stage. I can say with confidence that I'm adjusting better than I thought and I've settled into this new role. These past four weeks I've had some time to reflect and I've noticed a few things. First, I would never say I was a helicoptor parent and I'm fairly certain Mike and the boys would agree with me, however, I'm also a typical mom and I think the weight of worry I carried was real and something I wasn't fully aware of until the boys moved out. I still worry about them but I've noticed I sleep better and I'm not concerned on where they are at night which is quite freeing. When your kids live with you, no matter their age you are aware of their comings and goings. For example the other night Jay was in our neighborhood spending the evening with friends. Since he had been drinking he quietly let himself into our house to spend the night instead of driving home. He didn't need to ask, nor were we aware that this was his plan, which is fine. Our home is his home and it was obviously a good decision to stay. I was aware Jay was hanging out with friends but I've noticed I'm better with "let go and let God," attitude when they don't live with me. I figured that if he had drinking he would make the right decision to stay at our house. I went to bed and didn't think about it. Normally I'd be up several times checking life360, listening for the back door to shut, watching for headlights in the driveway. Between having adult kids that live with you and menopause sleep disruption has been a challenging reality for me but I think I didn't realize the weight of anxiety I carried until the kids moved out. Mike and I had no idea Jay was even in the house until the morning when we saw his car parked in the drive and the loud snoring coming from the bedroom above ours (ha). It occurred to me I had slept peacefully through the night. I know my girlfriends have been praying for me during this new chapter and boy have I felt those prayers. I am looking forward to this new chapter.
Nick officially moved out a week ago tonight. I quickly went through the honeymoon phase over the weekend, cleaning and getting rid of things that were left behind from Jay and Nick (that I knew they didn't want). It felt freeing. No longer will we go through a full bag of laundry soap on a weekly basis. Our cases of bottle water should last us months now instead of weeks. However, none of that matters. It's just stuff. If the laundry soap is being used it means people live here and are using it. If we replace our bottled water on a weekly basis it means people are here and drinking it. The reality is the house is eerily quiet. Mike and I crawled into bed last night and I had to bite my lip to keep from crying. It's just going to take me a hot minute to adjust to my new normal. I always try to live with a spirit of thankfulness. I'm so thankful my boys have bought their own homes and are good men. Most of all I am thankful for my connection with them even though raising boys who grow into adult men is like a slow break up for us boy moms. It's figuring how to still connect with them without annoying them. Would they rather talk to me on the phone once a week, or snapchat or share memes over instagram? Sometimes it's a simple text. With time I will find a new rhythm. Until then ignore me if you find me crying for no reason. I'm just adjusting to my very empty nest.
Jay - He turned 24 on Jan. 16. He and Hannah are so good together. Their home is so cozy and warm. Jay is into his 3rd year as an electrical apprentice and enjoys the job. Work has been a little slow for him but hopefully it will pick up soon. Jay is a foodie. One of his first big purchases for his home was a nice grill. Last night he brought pork belly that was delicious and gone by the end of the night. Ha! One of the best things about Jay is his kind heart, his sweet nature and his love of animals.
Rylan - She will be 19 on Jan. 27. I couldn't have known when I met her for the first time in my driveway (with Mary by the way) in June 2024 what a blessing she would be to Nick and our family. She is patient as the day is long. She is talented at everything she does (no joke) and she is incredibly thoughtful and kind. She just started nursing school, in addition to working at the place where my mom lives and running her own photography business which she's so good at.
Luke - He will be 15 on Feb. 9. How my mom's youngest grandchild is going to be 15 is beyond me. He loves to grill now (maybe he'll be a foodie too) and try anything new Mike makes that is meat related. Luke loves the Lord and is truly interested in people's lives. Kim has been leading in the youth ministry at church and Luke has invited several friends to go with him. He proudly wears whatever he wants to school - sometimes even pajama pants (ha) and is currently in driver's ed. Most Sundays he goes to church with his grandma and poppy.
Today Nick closes on his first house. He found this house in December and after the offer was accepted it was full steam ahead. I have to admit after Jay bought his house and moved out in November I was sure I had several more years with Nick being at home with us. After all he would joke he was going to live at home until he was 30 which by the way was not okay with us. That Nick is ambitious though and he wanted to get into real estate. He bought this house with the intention of eventually renting it out. Even though he's 19, he's still my little blond haired little boy who didn't start talking until he was 18 months old. I'm convinced he used those first 18 mos to formulate exactly what he wanted to say and it just took off from there. I'm super proud of Nick. Buying a house right now is not easy for Gen Z'rs but when he sets his mind to something there's no stopping him. This morning I was working out in the basement when my eyes came across the free throw line Jay drew in permanent black marker so him and Nick could play basketball in the basement. I was reminded of a time when the house was full of bickering between the boys and utter chaos most of the time. There were days I was sure I was doing a lousy job and I wondered if the day would ever come where there would actually be some peace in my house. The boys eventually stopped fighting and are actually quite close now - Praise God. So sure things got quieter but up until 8 weeks ago they both still lived here. They brought their girls into the house. The girls blessed us with happiness, conversation and laughter. That free throw line this morning reminded me that season of my life has actually been over for a long time. I've been blessed to pour into Jay and Nick's adult life and for that I'm so thankful. As I enter this new chapter of my life with Mike I realize we are right back where we started, just the two of us. It's bittersweet but I look forward to all God has in store for us.
Jay's 24th birthday was two days ago. In thinking back I believe it was probably his first birthday that I didn't see him on his actual birthday. That being said Mike and I brought pizza to Jay and Hannah last night and enjoyed a meal together around their kitchen table. I truly do enjoy seeing my boys turning into the men God created them to be; making their own decisions, buying their homes, being in relationships with beautiful girls, inside and out. Jay has settled into home ownership and he and Hannah have made their home quite cozy and warm. Jay is into his 3rd year as an electrical apprentice and enjoys the job. Jay is such a kind hearted young man. He is thoughtful and is becoming so aware of what he does and what he doesn't want in life and who he wants to be. I am so thankful God choose me as his mom. Happy 24th Birthday, Jay!
Here I am trying to stay commited to blogging twice a week. I really have nothing to write about. I knew it would be challenging for me to write in my current menopausal state and not having the boys anymore for entertainment but I digress. One thing I haven't blogged about in awhile is my job. 2025 was probably the most challenging year for me, job wise. I had training for another state and today I applied for another state license out of another state. When it's all said and done I'll be handling four states - none of which I'm any good at. Back in the "good ole days" I was so confident in my abilities and I loved what I did. I enjoyed building relationships and being out in the field. In 2025 we also got a new system and it's been almost a full year with this system and I can say I finally have the hang of it but wow the struggle was real. I am very thankful to have a job, a good job at that. This May I will celebrate 15 years with my company and I still love working from home. It's true that some days are better than others (as with all things in life) and it's challenging handling so many states, none of which are in my time zone, but I'll keep on keeping on.
