My bold prayer

In the summer of 2014 my family went with the Ausili's to our favorite vacation spot, TN!  Our boys, Jay and Curt, had made the decision to be baptized in the river that summer.  If my memory serves me correctly I believe Mike Ausili was going to baptize the boys which clearly would have been appropriate since Mike is a believer but to throw a wrench in things, before we left Jay said he wanted his dad to baptize him.  His dad happily but quietly accepted his son's proposal.  In my heart I wasn't sure it was the right thing to do and neither were Mike and Jenny.  The beauty of having long term friends like Mike and Jenny is I could sense what they were feeling and thinking without them saying a word.  It wasn't that any of us were being judgemental or critical, it just didn't feel quite right.  And friends, I'm here to tell you that if something doesn't feel quite right, that is the Holy Spirit talking to you - Don't ignore it.  How could Mike baptize his own son when he wasn't sure of his own heart, when it came to Jesus? 
We went to TN and the baptisms never happened.  All I can say is God had a better plan, although, at the time I couldn't begin to imagine what that plan would be.  I came home from TN feeling defeated.  I thought Mike was on a journey, that he was interested in learning more about the Christian faith.  I wouldn't say I thought he was "all in" but he was going to church with us more regularly.  One afternoon I sat down with Mike and I suppose you could say I had a "coming to Jesus" discussion with him but that discussion was more of a wake up call for me than it was for him.  Mike was honest with me, as he's always been.  When I asked him if he accepted Jesus as his Lord & Savior, his response was, "I hope."  And even though he was going to church with us on occasion he said he really only went because as he aged, he figured, why not?  In that moment I felt all the hope I had for Mike drain out of me.  I was exhausted.  Mike surrounded himself with believers, his morals emulated the Christian faith and he was married to a devoted and faithful wife.  There was nothing more I could do, nothing!  But when everything around you feels hopeless, God gives us the wonderful gift of prayer.  All I had left to do was pray.  So, in the summer of 2014 I started praying a very specific but direct prayer for Mike.  It was simple, really, almost elementary like.  I prayed that God would intervene on Mike's behalf.  I had no idea what that would look like but I knew it would be bad and I promised God I would trust Him.  One of the many things I've learned on this journey is I have my own ideas and God has His.  My ideas are always way off in left field and so far off.  I'm totally comfortable in telling anyone that in reality, I know nothing!  I thought that by praying this prayer that Mike or I would get sick and that would suddenly change Mike's heart.  But God had other plans and they were way better and bigger. 

My Front Row Seat

For the past 15 weeks I have been given a front row seat to the greatest transformation I have ever witnessed - ever!  I am overwhelmed knowing God blessed me, my family and our friends in giving  us a front row seat to His immeasurable love.  Friends, if any of you are reading my blog today and doubt the power of God, then grab a cup of coffee and keep reading. 
I knew I would use my blog to tell our story, I just wasn't quite sure how I'd start it.  I'm still not!  But my dear friend, Mary, told me that my first blog post about our story should be entitled, "My front row seat."  So, here it goes. After working for a good, solid company for 16 years, fifteen weeks ago Mike lost his job.  It came out of nowhere and it was devastating.  One of the many things I've learned through this process is to never say never.  The bottom line is none of us have a crystal ball and my "that will never happen" happened.  But when my "never" hit, I clung tightly to my faith. I accepted Jesus into my heart when I was in junior high.  Some people have great stories as to how Jesus came into their lives but for me He's just always been there.  Sure there were seasons when I didn't pay much attention to what He was telling me or where He was leading me.  There were too many times through the years that I did things my own way but He's always been pivotal in my life, even more so as I became a wife and mother.  However, my husband was not on the same Jesus playing field.  I knew this and accepted this about him when I married him 17 years ago.  Truthfully, I'm ashamed to admit it, his lack of faith didn't matter much to me.  I've been happily married and Mike and I are truly each other's best friends but as the years went by I was bothered by the fact that he rarely went to church with us.  He was in full support of his boys going to church, he just didn't want to take much of a part in it and I realized as the boys got older, I was getting nowhere without a father who would lead them spiritually.  So this isn't really a story about job loss.  The job loss is a small part of the story that had to happen in order to break my husband - in a million pieces.  I'm reminded of a quote by Charles Spurgeon, "Whenever God means to make a man great, He always breaks him in pieces first."  So stay tuned my friends, I promise I'll start blogging more and tell the rest of the story. 

Valentine's day & Luke's Birthday

 We went over to friends house about a week ago, right before Valentine's Day.  As you can see I got some crazy pictures of the kiddos. 

                                        This is my favorite.  N. was Jay's valentine this year! 

 I got Luke this silly glasses and mustache gift.  I knew he would love them because the boy is just silly!  Jay and Lauren decided to have some fun with them also.

February has been a challenging month.  Family friends of ours faced an enormous challenge with their newborn daughter.  My mom has a rather steep mountain to climb with an issue in her life and Mike and I are plugging along.  We have challenges, risks and decisions to make but through it all, God reminds me daily that He is good, He is in charge and to trust in Him. 

Your gut

No, this blog is not about my expanding waist line and it's not about anything gross.  What it is about is listening to that little voice inside you.  I have many faults but overall when my gut tells me something, it's usually right.  However, in relationships, I tend to ignore it and as a result it's ended very badly for me (Fault # 1) and might I add, it's been catastrophic more than once.  I'm 41 and I'm bound and determined not to ignore my gut feelings when it comes to people I choose to spend my time with.  If I had a teenage daughter I would tell her that in her life the truest, most sincere and beautiful relationships come from relationships with girlfriends.  I have been blessed immeasurably with women in my life who bring me up when I'm down, know my strengths (they know I make a killer cosmo) and weaknesses (they would never ask me to help them with their taxes) and love me just because I'm me.  My friends are a class act!  There isn't enough room on my blog to write about the classy things my friends have done for me, especially in the season of my life I'm currently in.  Since I've had some relationships with so-called friends end badly more than once I go back to how I felt when I first met them and I come to the same conclusion.  My gut screamed at me, this doesn't feel right!  Time would pass and there were things and times I'd enjoy with them but I would tell my kids that if anyone takes an underhanded jab at you, they aren't your friend.  And there is a difference between my girlfriends and I having a laugh together over the fact that when I sign my name to their cards I always screw up what I'm writing and have to cross out a word or two and start over again.  It's my trade mark and they love that about me.  But again, your gut will tell you when the jab is mean spirited.  And those kind of jabs aren't kind, they aren't funny and you just need to walk away.  There doesn't need to be any hate involved, just walk away and be done.  But yet, I've gone back for more, thinking and hoping that the cruelty was a fluke and ignoring my gut telling me it wasn't.  My mom has a famous line and I love it.  When a person shows you who they are, believe them.  My mom also said I usually had to learn things the hard way and boy have I ever.  I'm too old not to listen to my gut especially since it's been right 95% of the time.  It's time I pay attention and act on my gut feelings.  I have high hopes for my 40's!

The deliquent blogger

 I love my blog but lately I have not had the time to devote to it which makes me sad.  Like all moms, some days I look at the clock and can't believe it's 5:00!!  I mean seriously, where did the day go?  The good news is Jay's basketball season has ended (which is good, bad and sad).  Nick, however, is still playing (hence the picture above).  Around this time of year things start to slow down for us which is a good thing but February can be kind of long and down right dreary. 

 This past Saturday night we went to Kim's for dinner.  We were so thankful to have something to do and hang out with our family. 

At one point during the evening Lauren would appear in a different costume.  She kept us entertained by showing off her costumes.  Literally, I think she modeled about 10 costumes!