What has God been speaking to me about?

 I'm obsessed with Susie Larson's daily radio show.  I download nearly every episode.  She begins each show by asking her guest, "So what's God been speaking to you lately?"  I pondered that question and thought I'd write about it.  One of the many things I love about my walk with Jesus is how He works on my spiritual growth and maturity.  No matter how long I live on this earth, as long as I'm pursuing Him I will always have room to grow in my faith.  As I'm faced with challenges in this earthly life I will continue to learn more and more about God's character.  It truly fills me with joy to know I'll never be done growing and maturing in my faith.  It's why my favorite bible verse is Philippians 3:14, "I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."  In my Good News bible it shows a picture of a stick man running a race and it uses the word run.  I can literally picture myself as this stick person, running my race everyday, and failing miserably because of sin, but getting up each and every day knowing full well I'm not worthy but because of what Jesus did on the cross I get to run my race and pursue Him.   

I've struggled with fear and questioning God for years.  Questions such as why didn't He heal my friend (My dear friend, Angie, who passed away 2 weeks ago).  Why is my mom declining so rapidly?  Her healing doesn't quite look like I wanted it to look 5 years later.  If I'm honest my biggest fear is something happening to my boys.  In my sick head I try to think of scenerios where I could possibly lose them because as I've written before, it's the things you don't see coming that hit you the hardest.  If I've thought about it, then it won't come to fruition because I've already thought of it.  Crazy and exhausting, right?  The Lord has really been working with me on this.  His patience and mercy continue to amaze me.  I've thought of Job many times.  At the end of Job the Lord asks him what seems to me are a million questions.  Did you create the heavens?  Did you create the ocean?  And the inquiry goes on and on.  Of course Job had to answer No to every single one of God's questions.  The simple fact is God is God and I'm not.  Recently I read what was probably one of the best and most profound books I've ever read.  It was a memoir written by Joe Anderson.  I won't go into a summary of the book but if you want to read about a man who has been struck by tradegies and how God loved him but also molded him into who he is today, read the book.  I was riveted (and you know I don't use that word very often).  At the end of the his book he said he has ambidextrous faith.  Mr. Anderson defines it as taking the blessings of God in one hand and life's heartaches in the other.  It's trusting God to use both to equip us to accomplish His will.    

When I look back at my hardships, the most difficult times have all occurred within the last 7 years.  During my hard seasons I can pin point exactly how God worked and how He blessed me along the way.  I am more spiritually mature today than I was 7 years ago and it's because of  God's faithfulness during those seasons.  God never promised us an easy life.  But He sent his only son so that we may have life and have it to the fullest.  John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full."