Worry

I have spent this past week worrying.  What a colossal waste of time.  I know worry doesn't help anything and most of what I'm worried about is silly but it was like the last seven months just hit me full force.  I've spent months being strong for Mike and the boys, months monopolizing conversations with my closest friends (thank you Ausili's) and family (thank you mom) and all of the sudden I decided I was worn out from all of it.  I'm tired of bad decisions that still linger.  However, I haven't felt that Mike and I have made one bad decision since Nov. 11.  Honestly, I think every decision we've made has been faith based and we've taken our time.  I just wish all of our decisions for the past 17 years would have been bathed in a whole lot more prayer!  Part of being a Christian is owning up to your past mistakes, asking for forgiveness and moving on.  I know this and understand this but I haven't done a great job at it.  Just this morning I was asking God for his forgiveness because I have not kept my end of the bargain.  When I started praying for Mike and God intervened, I promised him over and over that I would trust him.  I'd say I'm about 50/50.  I try to trust but some days it's hard.  Recently I read an article entitled, "3 Graces to Allow Yourself When You Are Adjusting to a New Normal."  The basic three were; The Grace of Time, The Grace of Space and The Grace of a Pure Heart.  Wow did these speak to me.  The beautiful thing about the holy spirit is if I stop to listen to it, really stop, I can hear it.  This morning as I took my walk God reminded me that he has taken care of everything.  There is not one thing in my life right now at this very instant that I need to worry about, not one.  Worrying about what may happen is nonsense.  I can either choose to let go of my worry and live each day knowing who is really control or I can spend my days worried and that bogs me down.  I confessed some concerns to Mike about my worry and he acknowledged them but now it's time to move on from that blanket of worry.  After all, I'm so not in charge and as I've stated many times in my blog when it comes right down to it, I really don't know a whole lot!  I may think I do but I don't.