One step at a time

 Slowly but surely my mom is taking baby steps forward each day.  Just this week her speech improved leaps and bounds - Praise God.  She is scheduled to come home in 3 days.  My sister and I are honored to care for her until she can live independently.  Another exciting accomplishment this week is the movement she is getting back in her elbow and right shoulder.

 It was a beautiful week, weather wise.  It wasn't stupid hot and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.  One day mom and I went outside after her therapies were over for her favorite dessert, ice cream.

 Nick went to church camp this week.  This year he got two of his friends to go with him.  The week did not disappoint!

 Mike and Jay went to TX to visit Ausili's.  They had a really good time and Sieb did several things for them around the house.  It was nice for Ausili's and Sieb to know that his hand has now touched their new home.

 The kids spent a lot of time in the pool in TX.  I have to admit last night was the first Saturday night Ausili's were gone and it was also a night that I'm sure had they been in town we would have spent it around the fire.  I missed them and it made me sad, but I dusted myself off, gave myself a firm talking to and decided I had better get use to this "new normal."

I just love this picture.  It's Nick and his friend, B. on their last day of camp together.  I'm so glad Nick and his friends got to go to camp together to learn more about God, and have fellowship together.

Tears

I have spent my day in tears.  Never have so many tears stained my cheeks.  I have cried from sun rise to sun set.  I have spent most of my day crying and missing my dad like crazy.  That is how emotions catch up with you.  I have cried some happy tears today because I know my dad is looking down on his three girls and I'm certain he's proud of us, and maybe he's interceding on my mom's behalf.  Not a day has gone by since July 9 that me, Kim and my mom have not thought of him.  He's as much a part of this as we are.  During this two week journey my mom has mentioned my dad several times.  I believe she understands him more and certainly has a real connection to how he lived his life the last 22 years.  As I sat on the edge of my bed tonight I gave thanks to God for the progress my mom is making and for the deep love and affection between my mom, Kim and I.  I would give anything to run into my dad's arms and have him tell me everything is going to be alright.  It never matters how old you are, the love and encouragement from a parent is something you always seek.  I know my mom has missed her parents terribly during this time, that she too would give anything to have her parents hug her and love her and assure her that everything was going to be okay.  In the matter of four months my dad has died, my mom has had a stroke and my dearest friends have moved.  I praise God for his steadfast love because I feel like I'm drowning in an ocean but I know I have an life vest to grab ahold of in the promises from scripture, knowing that nothing can separate me from God's love and that He will work everything out for our good and in His time.

A new season

 Last night Jenny and I shared our last cocktail (for awhile anyway) around our half way made up deck.  This morning she and Faith are leaving for Alabama for orientation and then on to Texas, their new home.  Oh how that pains me to write that. I know God was preparing me for this for at least a year, but this hit me hard last night.  The Ausili's and my mom are weekenders at my house.  They are a fixture at my breakfast bar chairs with a cocktail in hand, laughing with me over something that happened during the week.  As I prayed last night, with tears streaming down my face, I heard God say, "Amy, I have not taken the Ausili's or your mother from you, they are still here."  And just like that my tears stopped.  I rejoice knowing that my mom will recover and she will be sitting back on my breakfast bar chairs, perhaps not with a cocktail (ha), but with laughter.  I rejoice knowing we get to visit TX and I rejoice knowing that the friendships between the eight of us can't be broken just because of distance.  My dear friend, Mary, said to me this week, "Amy, God must have thought it was time to move on, that in order for Him to complete the plans He has for all of you, this had to be done."  I trust God.  That is my mantra these day.  I know there are good things in store for us, all of us, including my mom.

 This was my mom a few days ago.  She is really doing well.  Everyday she progresses.  My sister and I see her everyday so we see the smaller baby steps she takes.  Her brother, Mike, saw her yesterday and he hadn't seen her in a week.  He was blown away by how much progress she had made in one week.  I am anxious to get her home, but I can guarantee not as anxious as she is about coming home.  The first thing I think about each and every morning is my mom.  Right now she's unable to just jump out of bed in the morning without assistance.  I am confident that soon she will be getting out of bed herself and making her coffee in her own kitchen.

 Along with Faith and Curtis, Daisy has been a fixture at our home for the last four years.  I love her, and I've so enjoyed getting to know her.  She loves my boys (see above).  Our last get together did look different, however, because Nick was at a party until 9 and Sieb, Jay, Curt and Ausili are in TX, so it was just us girls last night.  It was just the way I like it!  Jenny and I made our white trash meal of hamburger helper, corn and cheesy potatoes.

Our last big laugh together, at least for awhile!  How I love these women and what they have brought to my life.  I told Jenny last night that it was a sweet blessing that she was here the last two weeks.  Jenny loves my mom and not only would it have been hard on me to not have her here, but it would have pained Jenny greatly to not be here.  Jenny left today knowing that my mom is going to be okay, and there is a main floor bedroom waiting for her when we all come visit!
This next season of my life is filled with countless uncertainties.  What does our life look like without the Ausili's being planted here nearly every weekend?  What will the next two years and six years look like with my boys?  How far will my mom's recovery take her, and what will care giving look like for me?  What will our house look like when it's finally done, and how will it bless us and others?  And where will Mike take his business, will he even stay in the business?    I plan to live out this next season with patience and grace.  I plan to slow down.  I pray God opens my eyes and ears to all He has in store for me so that I don't miss it.

Do not worry

In Matthew 6:25, Jesus commands us "do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear, is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?'  If that isn't enough He goes on in verse 27 to say, "can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  There's a reason Jesus commands us not to worry.  The picture above of my sister and I demonstrate it perfectly.  This picture was taken exactly one year ago today.  We had a sisters weekend in Alabama, celebrating our cousin, Kelly's, wedding.  Kim, my mom and I live the phrase, "Enjoy every second."  We do life well and I've learned the things I worry about never come to fruition.  It's the things I don't see coming that hit me the hardest, but God is never surprised.  In every season of my own suffering I can see all He has done to prepare me for it weeks and months before they happen.  The same is true of when I'm going through the suffering.  Once the dust settles I can look back at my situation and "know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28).  Last year my sister and I dolled ourselves up, laughed, drank and ate together.  We had no clue that within the next year our sweet dad would pass away, that my dearest friends (the Ausili's) would be moving and that our dear mother would suffer a debilitating stroke, and strokes are something Kim and I are sadly all too familiar with.  In the past 2 1/2 years I've endured a devastating job loss, the start up of a new business, my dads death, the move of our sweet friends and the stroke of my mother.  I am better and stronger because of those trials.  That doesn't mean they make sense to me because they don't.  Mike's job loss did but that was my only trial that made sense to me.  During this difficult season I remind myself daily that I am not God, period.  Recently I was texting with a friend of my mom's who has known her since they were young but she has lived in another state for a long time.  She said that one day we will stand before the Lord and we can ask Him why certain things occurred during our earthly life, but then as we texted some more we came to the conclusion that when we do receive our heavenly inheritance none of this earthly garbage is going matter.  I simply want to be able to stand before the Lord and have him say, "Well done, child, well done."

In the blink of an eye

The irony of the title and theme of my last blog is not lost on me.  I blogged about how life was sweet at the moment and I was just coasting on my rollercoaster.  I said I was going to enjoy the coast until my next wild and challenging ride hit.  At the time I had no idea my wild and challenging ride would hit within 24 hours of that blog post.  On July 9 at 1:07 p.m. my mom called me and with slurring speech said, "Amy, something is wrong."  My mom had a stroke.  It came out of nowhere and has hit our family like a freight train.  My sister and I spent the first 48 hours screaming and cursing at God.  I have never in all my life screamed at God the way I did on Monday night, July 9 when I drove home from the hospital.  At first we thought mom would be okay, but things quickly took a nose dive and by 10:30 p.m. on July 9 we thought we were looking at a second stroke or worse a brain bleed, in which the doctors told us there was nothing they could do.  My eyes and Kim's eyes were opened within 48 hours of my mom's stroke that Satan was behind this, that he was placing the unimaginable fear in us, and that we needed to pray him out of the entire situation in Jesus' name.  On July 11 in a small chapel in the hospital my sister and I kneeled down before God, asked for forgiveness, and prayed that He take Satan out of our situation in Jesus' name.  God has total authority of Satan and we needed him gone.  It was the only way to move forward and trust in the plan God has for all of us.  After Kim and I prayed together we prayed out loud over our mom.  From that moment on I've been able to see God at work.  My mom didn't suffer from two strokes.  She had only one stroke that hit her in two places.  She receivd the TPA blood clotting drug for her stroke and it was successful in helping her.  She did not have a brain bleed.  She is speaking and she has movement in her right leg.  Her support system is almost immeasurable in numbers.  God has given Kim and I strength we didn't even know we had and although the road is long and challenging ahead I am confident God will restore my mother.  Remember friends, enjoy life, soak it up, and slow down.  In June my mom took a trip with friends that she was on the fence about.  In the end she decided to go because she was so aware things could change for her at any minute.  She lives a very full life and she loves Jesus and in time she will be back to her former self.  It may look different but I'm confident God will restore her to a life she can live well.

Coasting

 I knew I wanted to title my blog post, "Coasting," but I was afraid my pictures had nothing to do with what I was going to write about but then I realized that in fact they do!  They show us happy, healthy and content.  What more can one ask for?  I am coasting on my roller coaster right now and I'm loving it because I know eventually my roller coaster will take me on another wild and challenging ride.  Life right now is just sweet.  There are a few bumps in the road which include the Ausili's move, an unfortunate weight gain of 10 lbs and being pre-menopausal,  living with a teenage boy, and turning into a sloth (me) during the summer months.  All of those bumps are small things and can all be overcome.  During this season we are all healthy.  Mike's work is steady.  We finally have some extra money and are finishing our home projects.  It only took us 14 years!!!  The boys have been easy to manage this summer and Jay's pressure washing job has provided him with enough money this summer to pay his own gas, entertainment and start his own mutual fund.  There are gaps of time that I wish he had more jobs scheduled but again overall the work has provided for him and relieved Mike and I of that burden (for the time being).  Any parent of a teenager knows what a grand statement that is!

 For the 3rd year in a row we went to Jay's friends house for a shrimp boil.  This was the same place where 2 years ago I broke my ankle.  Lets just say I'm a lot less venturesome now!  This 4th of July it was HOT, like stupid hot!  Picture being out in extreme heat, standing over a table (see above) of a hot shrimp boil, sweating profusely and eating (see my sloth comment and 10 lbs weight gain comment).  The shrimp boil is delicious and after the kids dive in, the adults dig in.  The only hiccup (there is usually a hiccup where my family is concerned) is Nick going missing for about 30 minutes.  He left his backpack with his phone at the school so his GPS showed him at the school and in fact that was not where he was.  Needless to say he got in big trouble for not telling anyone where he was going and leaving his phone!

                                                              Jay and his crew

 Even though Mike HATES to eat with his fingers, over a table of newspapers no less, he loves to eat the shrimp and sausage at the shrimp boil.

 My dear friend, Shannon, turns 50 this week.  I just love Shannon.  She came into my life about 5 years ago because of Mary.  She is an example of a woman who has overcome so much and trusted God with everything.  She lives the phrase God is good all the time.

 Mary made this adorable peg board with donuts on it for Shannon's birthday.  I thought it was such a cute idea, and Shannon loved it.

My people!  During one of my theatrical story telling moments I flipped my drink over and it spilled all over my pants.  My mom threw my pants in the dryer and I sat on my mom's porch with no pants and a blanket over my lap.  The best line of the whole night was my mom saying, "Amy, let me make you a drink and get your pants."  We all cracked up!  My friends are one in a million!