My blog this week centered around my blessings which are plentiful and I don't deserve. But lately I've had this annoying feeling. The best way to describe it is a feeling of being unsettled. I realize how crazy this sounds. Overall my life is pretty settled and probably a little predictable so what's the deal? When I start to feel unsettled I instantly berate myself. How dare I feel bad or complain about anything especially when I live in a culture where "Me" is front and center and I despise that - another problem of mine - being too critical. But today as I was driving I started asking myself questions - a strategy I learned from my mother. What is it that bothers you? In my head I went through the changes in my life over the last 5 years (2016-2021)
*Mike lost his job in late 2015
*Mike started his own business in 2016. He ran his own business for 5 years then recently started a new endeavor.
*My grandparents passed away and I have thought about them a lot - especially recently.
*My dad died
*Jay graduated from high school
*My mom suffered a stroke. As the years have gone by Kim and I are more entrenched in care-giving.
*The Ausili's left
*My job changed dramatically 18 months ago
*Covid hit
There has been a lot of changes in 5 years and although the changes have been challenging, each one of them has blessings peppered in the journey. Perhaps my next blog will about the blessings that came from each one of them. Right now I am trying to give myself some grace. I can literally hear my friend Sarah in my ear right now saying...."Girl, you haven't dealt with all this stuff, get some counseling." Sarah is another huge blessing! I have reminded myself of the importance of just living for today. I shouldn't worry about tomorrow. Live today for what it is, own the feelings I have, work on what I need to work on and know that each day I fail but today is today, tomorrow is a new day. I can get up the next morning knowing I serve a loving and faithful God.
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