The fleeces

 As I thought and fretted over what I would write about today it suddenly occurred to me that I would go along with the daily questions asked in my "On Purpose" study.  There is no sense in worrying about what to write about everyday.  It kinda of defeats the purpose, just saying.  The question posed today was what fleece are you going to lay out to God?  The exact questions were: 

What questions do you have about God's ability to use you?  What ministry or calling feels far-fetched and overwhelming right now?  

I know I have serious doubts in whatever God may ask me to do.  I'm really trying to wrap my head around the fact that I truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, that I can do nothing on my own.  I can only do what I'm called to do because of Him.  I remember this so vividly five years ago when Mike lost his job.  I still tell people it was like we sat in the backseat of a car while God took over the direction and handling of the car.  

Answering the second question is challenging and I've spent most of the day thinking about it.  What I can say is this I will soon be entering the empty nest season of my life.  Nick will be 18 in three years and Jay is moving out in two weeks.  Anyone who knows Nick knows he always has a plan.  Even at 15, he's rarely home.  He's always off to the next thing.  So although I'm still busy, I'm finding I have more time for myself, something I longed for in my 30's.  However, as I inch my way forward into this next season I find I have feelings of uncertainity, doubt and a bit of lonliness.  Afterall I work alone from home all day and live with boys - enough said.  

Additionally, I am not happy in my job.  Join the club, right?  I don't know how an upcoming empty nest phase and being unhappy in your job intertwine with one another but I am open to the possibilities.  I had a quick thought today (it was literally in my head for a second) that I could minister to my minister.  I think strong pastors who lead churches are under a lot of pressure and stress.  I think that culturally it will only get worse. The journey is fresh and new.  I'll keep on keeping on to see where it leads me. 

On a funny note, my 30 day journey is going well...so far.  Mike, however, would beg to differ.  I have probably been a wee bit edgy at night but that's only because I'm starved for conversation and if you know Mike, he's not a conversationalist.