Embrace the change(s)

 I don't like new years resolutions so therefore I don't make them.  I do, however, like to come up with a thought, word or phrase every new year.  Last year I didn't come up with anything.  When 2020 ended I was just happy to see it from my rear view mirror.  2021 brought many blessings but as I slowly step into the possiblities of a new year, the weight of all that was 2021 is heavy.  I am bombarded with prayer requests (which I am humbled by and thankful for).  The suffering is real and raw and there are days I depend on the holy spirit to pray for me because the suffering among those I love is so deeply is  overwhelming.  My immediate family is doing fine which I am so thankful for.  There have been so many changes these past five years.  I could say I've accepted these changes but I'd be lying.  There is a part of me who just wants her 30 something year old self back.  I was so sure by the time I reached my age I would be sitting on easy street.  Wrong again.  I'm reminded of what I tell Jesus everyday.....I know nothing.  As I turn a new year I think it's finally hit me that more changes are inevitable.  I might as well embrace them.  More dear friends of mine will be leaving Illinois which breaks my heart but maybe this time it will be better equipped to repair itself since I just experienced a similiar loss a few short years ago when Ausili's left.  My mom's speech won't get any better without a miracle.  More decisions will rest on my shoulders and Kim's as we navigate mom's health.  I may never have a back and forth conversation with my mother this side of heaven.  Covid will continue to be a thorn in everyone's side.  Friends and family members will still encounter health crises.  My boys will continue to age and hopefully get married, bringing different dynamics to the family that will require change and adjustment, not to mention they will certainly endure times of tribulation balanced out by times of celebration.  

This year I want to embrace all the change(s) from the crappy to the joyous.  While I have always prided myself on being a glass is half full kind of girl I am giving myself permission to mourn what I have lost but also keep perspective of what I have gained.  Mary (of course it was Mary, right?) gave me such good advice right after Christmas when she could see I was struggling.  She said to start creating my own magic, decide how I want to bring that magic alive in my house.  I don't know what my year will look like - only Jesus does and it's through Him that I can get through another year of changes whatever they may be, embracing them one prayer at a time.