5 question rule

I have a teenage boy in my house.  Most teenage boys don't like to chit chat with their mothers.  It's not like Jay did enjoy chit chatting - EVER - with anyone but most especially his mother but still, it's been an adjustment for me to see him growing into a man before my very eyes & watching the conversation between us slowly dwindle to nothing but nods and grunting.  I try (oh, how I try) to self reflect (often).  About a month ago it occurred to me that I had to change in order to change my relationship with Jay & continue to grow with him as he ages.  When I reflected on what I thought most annoyed him in an instant I was struck with my questions I ask him.  And to be fair, I suppose I asked insignificant questions.  When I would do this, it was my way of trying to feel him out, getting him engaged in some kind of conversation but really, with Jay, you just have to wait for it.  He'll tell you when he's ready and sometimes he's never ready and somehow I had to get "okay" with that.    I came up with a plan.  I decided I would only ask him 5 questions per day.  On the flip side I wanted him to respond back to me when, for example, I drop him off at school and tell him to have a good day.  Instead of a grunt, I made it clear I wanted him to at least say, "You too."  I realized that by limiting myself to 5 questions I really had to pick and choose what questions I would ask him.  No longer could I ask him if he had everything he needed for basketball practice.  I had to let go of some control and in all honesty I'm not a control type of gal but still, I'm a mom, it has been my job to ask my ADHD teenager if he had his bag packed correctly for the past 2 years of middle school.  But I came to the conclusion that was one question that had to go.  I guess if he forgot his stuff he would suffer the consequences of doing so.  Before I ask Jay one of my allotted questions, I ask myself, is this question significant and even before I speak I ponder, is what I'm about to say of any importance?  Let me tell you, it's been quite a challenge for me.  The results have been exactly what I was hoping for.  Jay and I are joking together more and the other morning when I asked him if he slept well (yes, I used a question on this but I was worried about his sleep, I'm still his mother), he responded with, "Yes, and You?"  I beamed.....why Yes, Jay, thanks for asking.  I use to "put Jay to bed" every night.  I'm not consistently walking him up to bed anymore.  Some nights I put myself to bed first.  On those nights before he goes to bed he comes into my room, hops into the bed with me and asks me what I'm reading.  I tell him and then wait for him to say more.  Some nights he does, some nights he doesn't and I'm good with that.  Last night the two of us studied for a test he has coming up and all the while he was texting back and forth.  I used one of my questions to ask him if he and his girl were "amped" up again - meaning back together.  He smiled and said No and we continued on with studying.  I so wanted to follow up that question with more questions but I restrained myself.  There are still questions that eat away at me.  I want to ask him how his basketball team looks this year.  Who does Coach have starting this year?  What are you guys working on in practice, etc....?  But I don't ask those questions, after all, they really are insignificant.  I will see Jay's basketball team play next week at which time I'll see with my own eyes how they look and how they play.  Somehow I get feeling that I'll just get this parenting thing down pat and then my boys will leave and then who will want all this great knowledge I've gained? 

Badger

My neighbor, Jami, is a vet.  About a month ago she was describing an animal she had to exam.  As she described this animal her face scrunched up in disgust.  She said he had a rounded body with long claws.  For some reason she couldn't remember the name of the distasteful animal.  I knew what animal she was describing instantly, a badger.  Why would I know about a badger or why would I care, you ask?  Jay has become obsessed with them.  In late August Jay and Curtis were cruising the internet looking for four wheelers ("shocker).  When they found one they liked, they came up with the word, Badger, as in cool.  At first it was funny but as is always the case with my children, they kill it because they say or do something constantly, to the point where it gets down right annoying.  They take something that was funny initially and then make me want to shove an ice pick in my forehead because I've heard or seen they say or do something so often.  Curtis was and is just as obsessed with the word as Jay.  He recently formed a "Badger Nation" at his school and got reprimanded because if he was going to form a group, badger or no badgers, he needed to include everyone.  The first word and last word out of Jay's mouth nearly everyday is badger.  Our drives to school usually consists of conversations between the boys as to who is considered badgers and who is not. We've clearly established I am not a badger.  Jenny is just as sick of it as I am.  We surmise that between the boys, they must say the word 500 times a day.  I did tell Jay that if he was going to say the word badger 500 times a day, he had to know how to spell it! While there are worse words they could be using, let's just say the word badger is one word I won't soon forget or miss (when they finally stop saying it!). 

Near and dear friendships

 I am careful of how I approach pictures with Jay in them these days, mostly because they annoy him.  Jay is easily annoyed anyway but then you put his teenage hormones into the mix and let's just say I have to mix up my approach.  Ha.  I have loved watching Jay and his friends through the years.  I imagine that once they are grown, having boys in and out of the house is something I will greatly miss.  I've watched Jay and his friend, Aaron grow up right before my eyes.  They have been friends since second grade.  Love them both.  The above picture was taken just last week.  Aaron is 14 and Jay will be 14 in January. 

 One of my all time favorite pictures.  I think the boys were at the tail end of their 5th grade year in this picture.  Two adorable skinny boys!!  Ha. 

 Jay, Reece and Aaron have been friends since 2nd grade in Miss Snowden's class.  The boys have spent countless hours together with sleep overs, playing sports together and of course, air soft wars. Little brother got to join in on this one.  The majority of Jay's friends are older siblings and I've never had an issue with them including Nick.  The issue is usually with big brother himself. 

                                                                  Halloween - 2012

I'm fairly certain this was taken in second grade.  It's bad that I can't remember but I can say with certainty it was second or third grade.  It's another one of my favorites!  Three innocent smiles! 

And I can't do friend blog post for Jay and not include Curtis.  The boys were 8 years old in this picture.  They are 3 months apart to the day.  In the early years I always felt they were so different but they got along and enjoyed each other.  As they have aged they have discovered they have a lot in common & of all the boys, Curtis has spent the most nights at my house.  He's like my 3rd son!   These two yahoos came up with the genius "Badger" phrase (I've alluded to this ridiculous phrase several times, I promise, more on "Badger" in another blog). 

Weekend Bliss

 We had another whirlwind weekend but that's par for the course.  This weekend was beautiful, weather wise and we really enjoyed hanging out as a family.  We pile into my "clown" car (this is what the boys affectionately refer to my car as) and travel to football games.  Let's just say it's close quarters.  I love the picture of the boys (above).  Work is being done at froggie island.  At first the boys were kind of excited about it but as the work progresses it's hard to say what froggie island will look like once it's all said and done. 

 Jay and Nick recently found a hill (imagine that).  This is one steep hill and my boys run up it like it's nothing.  Nick convinced his friend J. not only to climb it but then to slide down it.  The picture above really doesn't do the hill justice in terms of how big and steep it actually is.  Thankfully no injuries were incurred from the slides.  Ha.

 On Friday night we went to our neighbors and Nick helped carve pumpkins with the kids.  I love our neighbors.  We have lived in our house for 11 years and for 9 of those years we never had awesome neighbors.  I am so thankful we do now! 

 On Saturday my grandpa and Uncle Mike traveled to Nick's game (see what I mean about weekend bliss and spending time with family).  It was a COLD morning but I love those kind of mornings in October.  Nick's team lost but it was still a good game. 

 Sunday was Ausili's 18th wedding anniversary.  They came out for Jay's game and then dinner.  Jay's team got stomped on (again).  Faith was providing Jay with a little moral support after the game.  ha.

All about Jay

I feel like I've left Jay in the dust lately as far as my blog is concerned but there has been a lot going on with him.  First off he is really enjoying football.  This past weekend although his team lost, Jay played really well.  All of us enjoyed watching him catch the ball in mid air and take off.  One thing Jay has never lacked in is speed.  Last year during XC Jay complained a lot that XC was too much pressure.  But what I don't get is how XC is more "pressure" than football.  For example, Jay often plays wide receiver and the QB is throwing the ball to him and Jay has to catch it!  It may not seem like much but when you have a herd of other plays charging at you and you have to somehow stay still enough to catch the ball and watch the play, to me that is a lot of pressure, just saying.  Not to mention he has to keep track of all the plays in his mind.  I asked Jay if he felt any pressure from football. He replied that he felt no pressure in football.  He said his coach puts no pressure on him.  He only asks that his players give it their all and have fun playing the game.  Now that is a coach I can appreciate.  A good friend of mine put an interesting spin on it which I hadn't thought about.  Given that Jay has some attention issues, maybe football really is the perfect fit for him.  His body and mind have to be thinking and moving all the time.  In XC all you have to do is run so yes your body is moving but because it's long distance, you really just have to "be" in your mind.  That is why running is so therapeutic to some people.  Maybe Jay couldn't center his mind during those long runs.  I would certainly say Jay has a really hard time just "being." As far as school goes, Jay is doing excellent.  He really wants to make honor roll this year.  He has the grades right now to achieve it but one C can sink him.  Fingers crossed.  We had his IEP meeting yesterday and it was really good.  We have things fairly well mapped out for Jay when he starts high school.  He presented at his meeting and had to talk about what he wants to do, career wise.  Granted, it's almost comical for an 8th grader to try and pin point what they want to do with their life (at the ripe ole age of 13) but it's good to think about it.  Jay has a lot of interest in agriculture.  He truly is a natural when it comes to the outdoors and I've seen him work a farm before.  He requires very little direction.  He simply gets the job done and loves that kind of work.  I joke with Jay often that he has no business sitting in a cubicle one day.  Talk about not being able to settle himself.  Ha.  I am really proud of him.  His work ethic is strong and I just can't wait to find out what the future has in store for him. 

The 3 F's: Football, Farm and Field trip

 As if I haven't posted enough about football, here I go again except this time I have a good reason.  These three football pictures were taken by a very kind parent who clearly is way more talented than I in the picture taking department.  My in motion pictures always tend to have my kids looking like blurry bugs.  Anyway, this parent snapped these pictures of Nick during his last game (the game that Nick rocked) and I thought they turned out so well.  Check out the look on Nicks face in the second picture (below).  His face says, "You're going down!" And that's exactly what happened.  Thank you for sharing these great pictures, Mr. Hopkins! 

 I took Nick and his friend, J. to Rader farm yesterday.  I took Nick and J last year too and when I asked them if they thought they would want to go next year, since after all, they will be in 5th grade, they both said there is no doubt, they will want to go.  J. also had to remind me that he's a year younger than Nick so of course he'd want to go.  Way to play, J, way to play it. 

 Each of my boys have friends that are near and dear to my heart.  For Nick, it's J.  There is no doubt in my mind that J. was placed in Nick's life by God.  Nick finished 2nd grade with a broken spirit.  We spent that summer repairing it and getting Nick ready for third grade.  Academically and socially he was just struggling.  I prayed a lot during that summer, that 3rd grade would bring out the best in Nick and that he'd make some solid friendships and boy did God deliver but I love how He delivers because they are in ways we least expect him to.  When Nick was in second grade, J. was in first grade.  He's a bright kid so they moved him right into Nick's 3rd grade class & the rest as they say is history.  J.'s calm spirit brings out the best in Nick they so enjoy each other's company.  

 Today Nick went on a field trip with his class.  I wasn't able to go as I was out of vacation days but my friend, Mandy, took pictures for me.  Thanks Mandy!  What boy doesn't like to climb rocks during the school day?

I've posted a lot about Nick lately but there is news with Jay.  We have conferences next week and IEP meetings!  Never a dull moment. 

More football

My blogs are all about football these days.  I'm kind of over it but we have 4 more weeks to go.  It's been a grueling schedule with games on Saturdays and Sundays.  This weekend Nick played an out of town game and I don't mean to brag but he rocked it.  He had an awesome game with lots of tackles and he played offense and carried the ball to make a first down.  Way to go, Nick.

                                                    Look closely and you'll see my #96. 

 Nick was all smiles after this game.  His team won again and he played awesome!

 The kiddos.  Mike went shooting with Ausili on Saturday.  Jenny came out to get him picked up and we all had a quick bite to eat.  Jenny made chicken and noodles - yum!

                                          The ladies seemed to have enjoyed Nick's company! 

 And here we are again, ready to head off for football on Sunday afternoon.  So exhausted by last night. 

We treated Jay to dinner and a skillet cookie after his game.  His team got beat but he deserved it anyway.