5 question rule

I have a teenage boy in my house.  Most teenage boys don't like to chit chat with their mothers.  It's not like Jay did enjoy chit chatting - EVER - with anyone but most especially his mother but still, it's been an adjustment for me to see him growing into a man before my very eyes & watching the conversation between us slowly dwindle to nothing but nods and grunting.  I try (oh, how I try) to self reflect (often).  About a month ago it occurred to me that I had to change in order to change my relationship with Jay & continue to grow with him as he ages.  When I reflected on what I thought most annoyed him in an instant I was struck with my questions I ask him.  And to be fair, I suppose I asked insignificant questions.  When I would do this, it was my way of trying to feel him out, getting him engaged in some kind of conversation but really, with Jay, you just have to wait for it.  He'll tell you when he's ready and sometimes he's never ready and somehow I had to get "okay" with that.    I came up with a plan.  I decided I would only ask him 5 questions per day.  On the flip side I wanted him to respond back to me when, for example, I drop him off at school and tell him to have a good day.  Instead of a grunt, I made it clear I wanted him to at least say, "You too."  I realized that by limiting myself to 5 questions I really had to pick and choose what questions I would ask him.  No longer could I ask him if he had everything he needed for basketball practice.  I had to let go of some control and in all honesty I'm not a control type of gal but still, I'm a mom, it has been my job to ask my ADHD teenager if he had his bag packed correctly for the past 2 years of middle school.  But I came to the conclusion that was one question that had to go.  I guess if he forgot his stuff he would suffer the consequences of doing so.  Before I ask Jay one of my allotted questions, I ask myself, is this question significant and even before I speak I ponder, is what I'm about to say of any importance?  Let me tell you, it's been quite a challenge for me.  The results have been exactly what I was hoping for.  Jay and I are joking together more and the other morning when I asked him if he slept well (yes, I used a question on this but I was worried about his sleep, I'm still his mother), he responded with, "Yes, and You?"  I beamed.....why Yes, Jay, thanks for asking.  I use to "put Jay to bed" every night.  I'm not consistently walking him up to bed anymore.  Some nights I put myself to bed first.  On those nights before he goes to bed he comes into my room, hops into the bed with me and asks me what I'm reading.  I tell him and then wait for him to say more.  Some nights he does, some nights he doesn't and I'm good with that.  Last night the two of us studied for a test he has coming up and all the while he was texting back and forth.  I used one of my questions to ask him if he and his girl were "amped" up again - meaning back together.  He smiled and said No and we continued on with studying.  I so wanted to follow up that question with more questions but I restrained myself.  There are still questions that eat away at me.  I want to ask him how his basketball team looks this year.  Who does Coach have starting this year?  What are you guys working on in practice, etc....?  But I don't ask those questions, after all, they really are insignificant.  I will see Jay's basketball team play next week at which time I'll see with my own eyes how they look and how they play.  Somehow I get feeling that I'll just get this parenting thing down pat and then my boys will leave and then who will want all this great knowledge I've gained?