Evolution

We are hunkered down, spending a lot of time at home because the weather has been bad!  Lots of cold and lots of ice.  The other night I got out my blog books to reminisce.  As a parent you forget the daily grind of being parent but I'm so glad I started this blog seven years ago.  It has proven to be a wonderful testament to my family and what makes us tick.  My boys were 3 and 7 when I started the blog and wow have we evolved.  When I started reading my old blog posts I was instantly taken back to some scenes that I'd rather forget (ha) and many more scenes that warm my heart.  Many of my stories I can still close my eyes and remember how I felt during those moments.  Mostly I can remember how exhausting it was, and I don't mean that as negative.  I mean really, show me a parent who works full time with two children who isn't overwhelmed and exhausted.  During their younger years I remember being consumed by my kids, worrying about them and questioning myself at every turn. Sadly I let guilt play a major role in my parenting.  It didn't help the boys and it most certainly didn't help me.  One of the gifts God gave me this past year was releasing me from that guilt.  Sure guilt still creeps his ugly head every now and then but it was nothing like it use to be.  Thank you, Jesus!  These days I practically have to pinch myself that I'm where I am, parenting wise.  I am parenting a high schooler.  I mean really, it's mind boggling if I let myself think about it for too long. I'm having conversations with Jay where I'm looking up to him instead of down.  When did he get that tall anyway?  And next year my sweet Nick will be in middle school.  The elementary school days will be over. Truly, it's bittersweet.  I have no desire to go back in time and re-live those early years of parenting.  Sure I have some regrets, just as I'll have regrets now but overall I'm happy with the decisions I made and how my boys have turned out, thus far.  If I had daughters, however, I would tell them to never ever let guilt guide their decisions (that was a big one with me) and to not worry so much.  We all evolve and I like to think I've gotten better with age.  Perhaps I will have figured it all out just about the time my boys are ready to leave the nest.   Just the other night the evolution of my family hit me like a ton of bricks.  Mike and I went had Christmas plans with friends two Friday nights in a row, and even snuck out one week night to celebrate Jenny's birthday.  This would have been unheard of even as little as a year ago, as I would not have been comfortable leaving the boys alone too often.  But this year, I left the boys home to fend for themselves, not once but several times (a small miracle).  I always make sure there is plenty of junk food in the house and I pay Jay a very modest fee as a motivator to make sure there are no injuries when I come home.  Both Friday nights were great.  I can't believe Mike and I are at the point where we could take two Friday nights as a "date" night.  The last Friday night we even stayed out late (crazy, I know).  We came home at midnight to find both boys soundly sleeping in their beds.  I was waiting for the smoke alarm to go off or one boy to pop out of bed with a broken bone but it never happened.  I can only assume that whatever happened before they went to bed was uneventful since we came home to find two sleeping peaceful boys.  Now that's evolution!