Zip it

Jay is 15.  He's got a dry sense of humor, he loves basketball, he tolerates school, and he hates it when his mother asks too many questions.  A few years ago I could tell my barrage of questions was starting to annoy Jay so I limited myself to 5 questions per day.  I also remember his complete rejection of me in third grade.  Yes, I am still bringing that up.  It was because of that rejection I realized I would have to change my entire idea of what I thought my relationship with Jay would be like or what it should look like.  It was more important to me to have a relationship with Jay on his terms so I did what most mothers do, I changed my thinking and over time I've changed my behavior.  Jay would probably vehemently deny I've changed anything, but I would point out to him that he's only 15.  He's a bafoon!  Wait and judge me when you're 40 and you've been married nearly 20 years with kids of your own.  I make it a point to not ask Jay too many questions and to keep my distance.  He offered to give me a hug and kiss on the cheek the other day if I took him to Taco Bell.  I jumped at the chance.  Those small and yes pathetic moments help sustain me.  Many of the books I've read lately about teenagers have the same common theme, engage in conversation with your teen, but do not offer an opinion of your own.  I go back to what I blogged about in late May.  I stand on the advice my friend, Sarah, gave me; bake, hug, show up, repeat, but I'd like to add that zipping it is also really good advice.  Homecoming is coming soon.  Jay mentioned this week he needed me to go to the store with him so he could get poster board so he could work on his homecoming proposal.  I happily took him, zipping it the entire drive.  I never asked what his proposal would look like or the most important question being who was he going to ask!  Instead I pulled out my wallet, paid for the poster board and kept my mouth zipped - no questions asked.  So, here it is a day later and I still don't know the skinny, but I'm okay with that.  Jay will tell me when he's ready, on his time and his terms.  Until then, I'll keep it zipped.