Ever since my mom had her stroke and the Ausili's left I knew I was entering a new chapter in my life. A new chapter where I wanted to have a better handle over the decisions I was making, the whys of those decisions. Many times I do things and I wonder why am I doing it. Although it is true that with age I can answer this question more often than not, but still, I knew I needed and I wanted to make a list of my whys. As I thought about this this week I came up with a list and got to apply them this week. First I was going to start a bible study, it's the same bible study as I did last year. I really enjoyed it, grew in my faith and it was something I got to do with my mom, but this year it does not fall into my why category. Stay with me for a bit. Then last night there was a big high school football game. With every fiber of my being I did not want to go to that game and my nasty, tiresome issue with guilt crept in just a bit. Our school district is relatively small. Everyone who loves our school, and yes, I do love our school, was going to be at that game, cheering on our boys. But going to a high school football game does not fit into my whys. So what are my whys? I'll tell you and please keep in mind as I list these, they are not in order of importance. They all share in equal importance.
*Making every reasonable attempt to go to church regularly. This is why the bible study doesn't fit for me right now. It is more important I keep my focus on getting the boys to church every Sunday. Why? Because for the past year I believe our behavior has demonstrated to the boys we don't value going to church, and that is something that is not acceptable to me.
*Getting healthy. Why? Because I have factor 5, I'm overweight and I have just witnessed the devastating effects of what diabetes and stroke can do. If I skip a high school football game because I need to get a walk in, then that is what has to happen.
*Helping my mom and sister. Why? Because I love them, they are a priority to me and they need my help.
*Be an engaged mom and wife. Why? Because it's ever so clear to me what a blessing my marriage is, and since the Ausili's left, our social life has slowed down significantly. It's painfully clear that in the years to come, it will literally be Mike and I. Jay is a junior. I have 2 years left to be his momma. My time of influencing him is over (some may disagree with this but trust me, that ship has sailed), but I want to enjoy him, and be a present witness to how he evolves over the next 2 years. And Nick is going to keep me busy year round in sports. There may not be coming up for any air where he's concerned.
*Stay an active member in my book club. Why? Because it's the book club my mother formed and is a part of and books continue to bring me joy.
*Spend time with friends and family/trips to see the Ausili's. I have been intentional and purposeful in planning my trips to TX the next year. Why? Because I knew this first year with the Ausili's being gone would be very hard for me, and them. I have given myself permission both with my time and my money to visit them once every 3 -4 mos. The second part of the why factor with this is that I get my energy from my family and friends. People congregating in my home brings me joy.
*Work. Why did I even include work? Because my work is important. It sustains this family. It's a good job for me and to me.
*Work on my book. Yes, I'm writing a book with my sister. Why? Because I've wanted to for a LONG time and now is the time. Enough with my excuses for putting it off, and enough of the self defeating talk. If I miss an event, that does not fall into my Why(s) category, it's because I needed to stay home and write.
As I move forward, anything I am asked to do, I will ask myself if they fit into any of my why categories and if they don't, guess what, I'm not doing it.
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