As the days turn into weeks this whole social distancing thing is really starting to get to everyone. It's understandable. I get it. I think often of the health care workers who must be exhausted. I think of our elected officials who are making decisions that affect the entire American population. I can't imagine our President or Vice President are sleeping much. I think about all the single people who haven't had physical contact with someone. I live with three people and I hugged Nick this morning (that's probably against the guidelines but he had a blanket over his head so I figured it was safe). I long to hug my mom, my sister and my friends.
I've tried to keep everything in perspective but last night I reached my breaking point. Nick had signed up to go on the 8th grade class trip to D.C. over Memorial Day weekend. I'm not stupid. I knew it would be cancelled, but when I got the official email last night that the trip was indeed cancelled the ugly tears came out. Along with that email I had another email that all track meets, including the state meet are all cancelled. Again, no surprise but reading it in actual print and getting the confirmation was the straw that broke the camels back. In that moment my heart broke in pieces over all the things my boys are missing out on this spring, and the weight of all of it hit me like a ton of bricks. My mom's loneliness during this season, adjusting to my new job and missing the connection with my friends. I know it sounds selfish, after all my blessings are plentiful these days but what really gets to me is the overwhelming sadness I feel for my kids. The truth is I had lots of plans for my family this spring and none of them will come to fruition, at least not during this season. I have no choice but to turn my plans over to God. It's another example of how I know nothing and it's just better if I relinquish control. God will decide when this pandemic is over and in my own life He will decide how we celebrate Nick's birthday and mine. He will determine if Jay will have a graduation ceremony and when his grad party will be. He can decide if Nick will be able to go to D.C. another time, and perhaps it will be even better than he imagined. Maybe God's plans are Nick will participate in next years state track meet. He will make our plans on Easter this year. I believe all God has asked me (and perhaps all of us) to do is to live for today.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34
No comments:
Post a Comment