What I want

Here I am on a Sunday night reflecting on a few things that are on my mind. We are still living in a pandemic watching the numbers rise. Our nation is divided. The riots continue. The hated and Satan seem to be winning - even though I know with every fiber of my being God wins and love always comes out on top. So tonight I decided to make more than a wish list for my fall.  I want it and I want these things badly. There is no particular order to these so don't judge on order.
*I want unity and God is the only one who can make this happen.
*I want to sit on my patio with Jenny and Mike and enjoy cocktails at dusk. I want to get up in the morning and have coffee (me) and Pepsi One (Jenny) with her.
*I want to enjoy every minute with my children during these months. Recently I have looked at my children and other children differently. All children are treasures from God.  They are a gift and should be protected and treasured. I've always known this but for some reason my heart is screaming for children lately which I can only say is the Holy Spirit.
*I want this pandemic over. I want a cure or a vaccine.
*I want to go places without masks.
*I want to spend a day with my mom doing everything she wants to do.
*I want to grow closer to God. I want Him to use me for his purpose.
*I want to see what happens with the new opportunity for Mike (more on this later).
*I don't want to miss an opportunity to do anything - ever.

That pretty much sums it up.

Nick's first day of high school

This year would have been a bit different anyway because I only had to register and buy school supplies for one child. The pandemic of 2020 has changed everything. Thankfully our school district gave the option of in-person learning or virtual learning. Teachers, parents and kids have had to readjust how they teach, how they learn and parents are along for the ride, trying to figure out how they will home school their children and hold down a full time job. It's computer screens and chrome books, lost football seasons and masks.  On Monday our teachers went back to school.  My friend, Laura and I spread kids and parents at the schools with signs to welcome them back (hence the picture above).

I feel like I had my emotional breakdown with this pandemic in the spring. At this point I've gotten better rolling with the punches that seem to hit hard almost weekly these days. I am incredibly thankful that our school district is at least giving in person learning a fighting chance and I'm praying all the time that our district can be an example to other districts. Today was Nick's first day of his freshman year. My heart was a little heavy this morning knowing my baby is starting high school and my other baby is working a full time job. If I really stop to think about all the changes over the past two years it almost takes my breathe away.  As I was driving home from dropping Nick off this morning it did occur to me that things are slowing down with parenting.  I'm well aware that I have another four plus years with Nick but he's incredibly independent, as Jay is. I'm looking forward to the years ahead and maybe focusing on some things I want to do. Enjoying my home more, enjoying my husband's company more and sucking the life out of Nick (ha, just kidding, kind of).

Notice how Nick is holding his fishing pole. I just love this kid. He makes me laugh everyday. Fishing is his passion. The school start time starts an hour later this year (thanks Covid). Nick has big plans to get up really early and get a few hours of fishing in before school starts!  I saw a neighbor today that lives on the lake and she told me she would missing seeing Nick out fishing in the mornings.  I told her to keep her eyes open and she will still find Nick out on most mornings. I am certain that if you ask Nick in 10 years what he can remember about the pandemic of 2020 he will say it was the best time of his life! His life has been carefree centered around the things he loves; fishing, time with friends, hanging with family and just living his best Nick life!

Praying for a wonderful year for this kid!

Our Weekend

Life during COVID is challenging and it feels like it's only getting worse with no end in sight. This weekend was really nice because I did "normal" things and I was able to refocus some of my energy into something positive. Laura and I are orchestrating a welcome back get together for our teachers tomorrow morning. It's a small thing we can do to let our teachers know how much we appreciate them especially since our school district is one of the few that is opening for in person learning - many districts are doing virtual learning only. Laura came out on Friday night and we made our plans over cocktails! Laura is my friend who gets things done. She is awesome!

On Saturday night we had our annual shrimp boil. I enjoy this more and more with each passing year.

Another alligator was smoked this year.  It's kinda gross to see them come out of the smoker but they are really good to eat.

Here's me trying to be discreet and snap a picture of Jay with his friends.  It takes very little to amuse me.

                                              A selfie with Jenna and Erin - two of my favorites.

And the food! And there was a lot of it this year.  I'm pretty sure the IL Dept. of Public Health would say this is not COVID approved. The food was again delish this year.

                                                         Me, Brooke and Darla!

This is Nick and J. - she's going to be a senior and she is the sweetest!  She is also good friends with Jay. I don't know what they were talking about but it was sure cute.
I went to church today in Minier.  The christian church was having service outside in the local park. It felt so good to be in church, at a service, with other people - social distanced of course. It was lovely.

Schmidt family get together

When my grandparents were alive we would all get together on a Saturday in December to celebrate Christmas.  As they aged we started gathering in the summer months so the kids could swim. Now that they are gone we no longer get together in December anymore but we still try to have a summer get together.  Yesterday we went to Uncle Mike's. We really enjoyed our time together. We ate which is typical for Schmidt gatherings. We swam and talked and of course played cards. 

                                                              Harpy in the pool!

I just realized that I included a picture of all the kids except for Luke.  I think I missed Luke because he spent his entire day driving the Gator. He loved it. I have to say that grandma and grandpa would be proud of their great grandkids. Our bunch of kids are respectful and just nice. It made me smile thinking of grandma and grandpa watching down from above seeing their family together.

    Mom and her brothers........what a crew. It's hard to take Rod seriously in that hat.

My sweet momma.  She really enjoyed the day. It helped that it wasn't 110 degrees with no breeze. It was actually a reasonable temperature and a nice breeze all day. Such a great way to spend a Saturday!

46

No one really knows this but age 46 really gets to me - like wakes me up out of a dead sleep gets to me. I will wake up and look around my room with the moon shining in through my windows with my husband asleep next to me and I'll think about my dad. At 46 my dad was single, working like a crazy person and sadly wasn't the best father and probably numbed a lot of his physical and mental pain with alcohol but no one knew an aggressive brain tumor was literally growing inside his head.  Sure there were signs but I was too young to know what those signs meant.  Did my dad know? Did he awake at night, alone, in a panic because he knew something was wrong with him? I'm 46 and my dad has been gone for 2 years and I think of him nearly every night now, in the dead of night when everything is still and perhaps a little scary.  I can say that at age 46 I've lived through a pandemic, my country being totally turned upside down from riots to the economy but thus far I haven't had a health crises besides my P.E. a few years ago which would have killed me instantly anyway so there was never a question I would endure any suffering, but once my dad knew he had this brain tumor he surely knew he would suffer. He was newly divorced and his relationship with his children was broken. He surely was petrified. Age 46 was also not kind to my mother. She was diagnosed with diabetes and her twenty three year journey with that disease hasn't been easy or fair. She now lives in a body that is broken. The older I get the more I see this earthly life is simply a stop on our way to our forever home.  Knowing my parents love Jesus is probably the only thing that gets me through some days and helps ease my "middle of the night panic attacks."  I know that my dad is finally home, walking and talking and is the dad I can remember from my childhood.  It's just as I said at his funeral.  I know when I arrive in heaven he'll be waiting for me with arms wide open and a voice I can understand saying, "Welcome daughter, I've been waiting for you."  It helps me to know I can and will get through age 46 - even if the Sh** hits the fan.  I'll be okay.  I've seen both my parents suffer at age 46 and beyond but through all the suffering we have the hope of what Jesus did on the cross. I've thought so many times that surely there is more than this earthly life and there is!

It's Happening

I don't think I've mentioned this in my blog but my sister and I have written a book! We started it in late 2018. We wrote most of it in 2019. We turned it over to a publisher in late 2019 and went through two edits and now we're in the publishing phase. I could recite the book in my sleep at this point. This week we will receive our book in actual book form at which time we have one last chance to review it and when were ready we can hit the green light and it will be a book that will be available for all the masses. How do I feel about this? Well I'm nervous but mostly I'm proud. To be honest it's rare that I set a goal for myself and actually accomplish it. Remember how many times I've said I'm a "good enough" gal. I don't have any expectations for the book. I do think the book is very relatable peppered with faith, grace and humor, however, I'm leaving it all up to God and what He chooses to do with it. The book was written to honor our parents, hence the name, "Dear Mom and Dad, A Love Letter to Our Parents." It's a book that tells our history that will hopefully be carried down in our family for generations. It's a short, rainy Saturday afternoon read. Below is the write up for the back of our book which is what people will want to read before they decide whether or not they want to purchase our book. It gives a glimpse of what our book is about:

Some phone calls can change life as you know it in an instant. Amy was a young college student. Kim was in high school when the sisters received a call that would change everything and take them on a twenty-two year journey with their dad. The second call came four months after burying their dad. This time it involved their mother. It would test their faith and each other.

Dear Mom and Dad, A Love Letter to Our parents is a memoir written by two sisters. They give snapshots into their fun loving father and devoted mother. They navigate through their parents divorce and the devastating health crises each parent endured. During those challenging seasons Amy and Kim's faith sustained them and their bond as sisters was cemented. Their story is one of brokenness and redemption told with love, grace and lots of humor.