What an experience

Today marked the last day of my developmental opportunity in Public Affairs. I head back to the wonderful world of workers' compensation on Monday. As my previous blogs reflected, I was never fully convinced the job in PA was right for me but that being said, I really enjoyed my time there and feel like I am leaving wearing my "writer's hat." I have discovered that writing is truly what I like to do (I just don't want to write speeches for executives). I also worked with a great group of people, especially the person who mentored me. He was truly one of the nicest guys I've ever met!
I am looking forward to returning to my "work comp family." They are people I've worked with more than 10 years. I can get back to talking about our boys with Kristi, talking with Jen about what clothes or shoes we want to buy and walking with Karen.

My Parenting Resume

Mike and I met with I.S.U. last night to discuss Jay's reading intervention program. We were really impressed (but we should be considering it cost us $400) and feel like the strategies they gave us will really help Jay. Lewis, the graduate student who worked with Jay, had so many positive things to say about him. He commented that he's very adaptive to change, dedicated and motivated to learn, all good things. I truly believe that given the right tools, any child (and adult for that matter) will succeed.
Yesterday I contacted Jay's teacher to discuss a display of math scores she has in her classroom. Every time a child passes a math test, they get a sticker on their "chart." Jay is the only child in the class who has 1 sticker on his chart. Several times during the last few weeks Jay has mentioned he feels stupid and told me the math chart bothers him. Several children in his class only have 2 stickers but Jay is the only one who has 1. I came to a resolution with the teacher (who I really like and Jay really likes) but it's one that I'm still not truly comfortable with. The charts are still up and Jay is still trying to move on to the next level to earn his sticker. Jay is fiercely competitive so perhaps this is a good learning lesson for him but to me, this is a fine line between a competitive learning lesson and just feeling down right bad. I'm monitoring the situation and we'll see what the next few weeks bring.
I'm discovering that when parenting a learning disabled child you wear several different hats: I think one day my resume might look like this:

• Excellent experience with school management/organization
• Outstanding communicator both in writing and verbally
• Demonstrates knowledge of child psychology
• Extremely resourceful
• Is able to multi-task

What I've found most challenging with Jay's learning is being able to distinguish when to parent with my heart or with my head. I never want to let Jay know I feel sorry for him or that he should feel sorry for him, in fact I don't feel sorry for him or myself, we just learn differently. This is why Mike and I make a good team. So many times I parent with my heart but Mike is good with parenting with his head. When it comes to determining the best strategies for Jay, sometimes using your head over your heart is the best solution.

Restroom Drama

Jay might have just taken 10 years off my life today. The two of us were at a gas station and I had to go to the bathroom. Of course I tell Jay he has to go with me. Once we get into the restroom, he says he doesn't have to go so I tell him I'm going to go into a stall (I hope I am spelling that right) and I give him my purse and my drink to hold. When I came back out of the stall my purse and drink were sitting on the floor but Jay was no where to be found! I literally start screaming his name. I immediately grabbed my purse and head out of the restroom and the minute I walk out of the restroom Jay is waiting for me outside the door, behind a chip rack. I was beyond words and Jay knew from my face his joke had gone sour.
Our 20 minute drive home was spent in silence, which sometimes with Jay speaks louder than words. I did however make it a point to paint a picture for him of all the horrible things that could have happened to him without scaring him half out of his mind but dang, I was mad! He insisted he didn't mean to scare me but that he didn't want to be in the women's restroom.
Long story made short, Jay was remorseful and once again his impulsivity got the best of him. He was in tears when the two of us sat down to talk when we got home, which means I got through to him. I explained to him he can NEVER EVER do that again.
I'm sure mothers of boys can relate to this blog. It is such a fine line with elementary age boys and restrooms. Jay is almost 8 but there is no way in hell I'm letting him go into a men's restroom by himself or leave him unattended in a gas station while I go to the restroom. Mike and I explained to him that although we understand why he's uncomfortable being in a women's restroom, when he's with me and Mike isn't along, I have no choice but to take him with me.
So the next time any of you see me and you notice more wrinkles around my eyes or some gray hairs here and there, you'll know why.

Conversations with Nick

Mike and I often joke that Nick narrates his life. Any thought he has comes out his mouth. I often tease Jay because physically he is like a pin ball on crack but Nick's brain is like a pin ball on crack. He is constantly processes thoughts and sometimes has trouble formulating what he wants to say because his brain is moving faster than his mouth.
The other night, I asked Nick how school was and what he learned. This is how our conversation went:
Me: "Nick, what did you learn today at school?"
Nick: "I like camoflouge."
Me:I thought I would be more specific, "Nick, what letter are you learning about today?"
Nick:"Did you know it's almost Christmas time?"
Me: "So, I take it you have nothing to share about school today?"
Nick:"Curse my brain." (Nick's response to everything when he gets frustrated)

My cousin's wedding

My youngest cousin, Adam, got married to Nicki last night. It was a long drive for us but we all had a really good time.

I was even able to get a smile out of Mike!

The four girl cousins.....Cora, Kim, Amber and me. Adam, the groom, is our other cousin and Max couldn't be there because he lives in Nebraska.

Mike and I just took Jay to the wedding and he had a ball. We were so happy to sit and chat and not have to chase after Nick. Plus, Nick is still getting over one nasty cold, he's still pretty cranky.

Kylee (far left) is Jay and Lauren's 2nd cousin. Lauren did great at the wedding. She loved following the kids around and being involved in everything that was going on!

Loving with Nana!!

All the wonderful attributes of Jay

Mike and I attended Jay's school conference tonight and although it was positive, it is always very clear to me what a long road Jay has ahead of him. I have to remind myself that Mike and I both had long roads ahead of us too and we made it through. What bothers me is how Jay feels about it. So many times I've heard him say, "I can't do anything right."
Jay, my dear boy, there are so many things you do right.

• You physically work harder than any 7 year old I know. Recently, you noticed your Aunt Mimi's yard needed raked and you offered to rake it for her (I need to get you over there to do that!) and remember this summer when you mowed her entire lawn, not to mention, you're always willing to help your dad out in any capacity when it comes to our yard.
• You can have a puzzle entirely put together while I'm still trying to figure out where the first piece goes.
• Everyone would agree but no one quite put it as perfectly as Christy did when she said one of your best qualities was your unsoliciated displays of affection. When you willingly reach out to a loved one to hug them or just put your arm around them, there is nothing more genuine or sweeter.
• You try hard and in life, this goes a long way. How many times have you heard me say, just give it your all and feel good about it?

Don't let school frustrate you, Jay. Keep on chugging along. Your dad and I will be your greatest champions. And some of the best advice I've heard from your nana (so I can't take credit for this advice) is, it's not how you start out that matters, it's how you finish.

Good times on Halloween

Jay dressed up as some Star Wars character that I can't spell! We all joked that if you got rid of the beard (on the mask), that his Star Wars character really did look a lot like Jay!

Nick was his favorite animal in the world, a penguin! He loved it and it was a warm costume too!

The boys all set to go. We met up with my friend, Christy and her family. We had a good time trick or treating!