Yesterday I contacted Jay's teacher to discuss a display of math scores she has in her classroom. Every time a child passes a math test, they get a sticker on their "chart." Jay is the only child in the class who has 1 sticker on his chart. Several times during the last few weeks Jay has mentioned he feels stupid and told me the math chart bothers him. Several children in his class only have 2 stickers but Jay is the only one who has 1. I came to a resolution with the teacher (who I really like and Jay really likes) but it's one that I'm still not truly comfortable with. The charts are still up and Jay is still trying to move on to the next level to earn his sticker. Jay is fiercely competitive so perhaps this is a good learning lesson for him but to me, this is a fine line between a competitive learning lesson and just feeling down right bad. I'm monitoring the situation and we'll see what the next few weeks bring.
I'm discovering that when parenting a learning disabled child you wear several different hats: I think one day my resume might look like this:
- Excellent experience with school management/organization
- Outstanding communicator both in writing and verbally
- Demonstrates knowledge of child psychology
- Extremely resourceful
- Is able to multi-task
What I've found most challenging with Jay's learning is being able to distinguish when to parent with my heart or with my head. I never want to let Jay know I feel sorry for him or that he should feel sorry for him, in fact I don't feel sorry for him or myself, we just learn differently. This is why Mike and I make a good team. So many times I parent with my heart but Mike is good with parenting with his head. When it comes to determining the best strategies for Jay, sometimes using your head over your heart is the best solution.
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