Guilt

I always try to use my blog as a way to document the funny things in my life so this blog may seem like a bit of a downer so I do apologize in advance. I am not in a bad mood and I certainly have many things to be thankful for but there are a few things that really make me feel guilty almost daily and tug at my heart.
My 60 year old father will be living the rest of his life in a nursing home and I'm finding I'm lucky to get to the nursing home for a visit every 5 days. After I put the boys on the bus the other day I had a thought, wouldn't it be wonderful if I didn't work and I had from 8:00 - 10:40 every morning to run errands, visit my dad or get something done at home? I would pick up a cup of coffee for me and a donut for my dad and visit him everyday. And that leads me into the second thing I feel guilty about, the constant daily rush. If I were to make a list of the few things I wish the boys don't remember about me or their childhood it would be how much we rushed around. Rushing around makes me impatient and short tempered.
I try not to dwell on these things because it is what it is. My dad is in a nursing home and I have to work. I can't control either of these options. All I can do is do the best I can everyday and I certainly give it my best effort. I just feel my best effort is consistently medicore.