I'm such a clot.....in a boot

This week is one that I will never forget.  On July 25 at around 3pm I started to have some chest pain.  I've had chest pain before and it was a virus.  When I went to bed on July 25 I figured I had pulled a muscle in my chest from using my crutches.  All day Tuesday it annoyed me and the "pulled muscle" seemed to get worse.  My friend, Jami, brought me her muscle relaxers and Mike suggested I lay on the floor and stretch my body out, which I did.  As the pain increased I didn't pray, it's true, but I would have short conversations with God that if something was really wrong to make the pain more intense or I'd continue to think I had pulled a muscle, even though that was painful enough.  On Tuesday at 9:30 p.m. I woke up to the most excruciating pain.  I compare it to gall bladder pain - it was through the roof painful.  Our boys were gone (thank goodness) and I came out to the living room, on my scooter and in my cast, crying hysterically.  You have to know Mike.  He doesn't get too worked up about anything.  He asked me what I wanted to do and I just kept feeling so stupid.  We had just made a trip the ER for my ankle and our medical bills were piling up and knowing we were living on one income I just didn't think it was an expense we needed to incur (for a pulled muscle) so I got myself put together, propped myself in my chair and tried to get some sleep while Mike slept next to me on the couch.  I woke up on Wednesday, July 27 and it took every last ounce of energy I had to take a shower and put myself together.  Not only was I still non weight bearing in a cast but my chest was killing me.  I could hardly catch my breath.  It was on Wednesday morning that I knew I had to see my doctor.  I made an appointment and Mike took me.  My doctor took one look at my legs (the right had swelled) and after discussing my symptoms he was certain I had a blood clot.  An ultra sound confirmed I had the clot in my leg which had moved to the lung.  I was put on blood thinners and I'm told I'll be on blood thinners for 6 mos.  Here it is Friday, July 29 and I feel so much better, like 100 times better.  I also got put in a boot today so I feel a little more free and clean.  I can't fully weight bear but I'm into the next stage of recovery and I'm thankful for that.  My doctor told me today my xrays looked perfect - a bright spot to a hard week.  I will spend more time in the weeks to come sharing what I've learned on this journey but I will say this, my orthopedic doctor gave all the credit to my primary care doctor for saving my life and I am thankful to my primary doctor for not missing a beat but I give all the praise to God!  I give God all the glory.  If my pain hadn't intensified I would have continued to ignore the pain and that's an outcome I still can't wrap my head around. 

Thanks Mom

I'm intolerable these days.  You know it's true when my mom tells me she's reminded of how I was when I was a child - WHINY!  All I can say is I pray Jesus forgives me for my bad attitude during this season of my life.  To make matters worse I have pulled a muscle in my chest and for about 8 hours I fretted I might be having a heart attack but after nearly 14 hours my friend, Jenna, told me that if I was truly having a heart attack I'd probably be dead by now.  Good point!  No doubt I've pulled a muscle because it hurts when I catch my breath and when I stretch out the pain feels better.  When I sit in a chair, probably "scrunching" the muscle, it hurts!!  So I'm laying on the floor, stretching my body, with my 20 lbs cast!  Anyway, I digress.  I've proven my point by how long I complained in this blog and that is not the intention of this blog post.  This blog post is to thank my faithful and devoted mother.  She gets me.  She knows this is not "her Amy."  I remember when Jay had his finger surgery.  Right after his surgery I had to help him to go the bathroom because his operated finger was bandaged and he needed help.  I remember his 3rd grade face and voice vividly, almost like it was yesterday.  He looked at me and said, "thanks mom for being here and helping me."  My quick response was, "where else would I be?"  As moms we want nothing more than to comfort out kids during their times of need.  We don't think twice about it, we just know our "babies" needs us, no matter what their age.  I imagine that is exactly how my mom feels.  Her 42 year old baby has needed her (desperately) these last 4 weeks.  My mom has showed up on my door step for some good company, with food, shampoo, conditioner (oh yeah, she even washed my hair one day) and she's brought me so many books.  I'll be reading well into 2017.  She's thought of fun ways to get me out of the house and I know it's scary for her to watch her unbalanced daughter on those crutches!  So thanks mom, as your oldest grandson once told me, "Thanks for being here and helping me!"  Love you!

Happy Birthday, Grandma

 July 17 was my Grandma's 87 birthday.  I love my grandma.  Practically the entire family got together on Sunday afternoon to have some cake with her.  My mom and sister encouraged me to go with them and my husband gave me a gentle nudge, telling me due to my mental state I needed to get out of the house.  He was right.  My mom and sister took care of me all day and it was good to get out among people. 

This picture is a classic.  My grandma and I on our scooters.  Let's just say this is a month I will never forget. 

14 days down, 11 days to go

Yes, I'm frantically counting down the days I have until I get this blasted cast off my leg or at least I'm hoping to get it off in 11 days.  My doctor made no promises but I'm sure hoping and praying.  Having your mobility taken from you is no fun.  If you didn't love me, and I mean really love me, you would have no desire to be around me these days.  Even Nick told my mom privately that he was about to flip out, that he needed a break from his "handicapped" mother.  This season of my life has forced the boys to make do on their own.  They are having to figure out what to eat for breakfast and lunch (I still make dinner), along with many other small chores around the house.  I view their new forced independence as a positive thing and on days when I've felt guilty that we've spent the entire month of July staring at each other in the living room Mike is quick to remind me that the boys have access to a lake in which to fish in, kayaks, a trampoline, bows and an archery stand in the back yard (which they never use) and four wheelers but yet the boys still walk around like caged animals and argue.  I'm worn out!  I surrendered everything to God this weekend.  I just can't do it all anymore.  I can't cater to my children's whims, I can't quiz Mike about what business contacts he is or is not making (talk about a naggy wife), I can't handle every situation with a positive attitude, as much as I wish I could.  Recovering from my injury is now my number priority and I'm not use to putting myself as the number one priority but I have no other choice.  This injury has kicked my heinie and in order to be better for my family, I have to get better.  I know God is teaching me something and I'm trying to learn what it is.  Some days it's clearer than others. 

Tic...Toc

You know how everyone always says the summers go way too fast?  Well, I am not feeling that way this summer.  The month of July is going entirely too slow for my liking.  Being laid up with a bum leg, two boys, and a husband trying to launch a business is not how I envisioned my summer going but it's my new reality.  Another reality is I'm not handling the situation well at all.  I'm frustrated, agitated, crabby and if you didn't love me, you'd have no desire to be around me right now.  My mom called me twice yesterday and I had to give her credit for calling me twice in one day.  I'm hard to take these days.  The boys and I are spending our days literally staring at each other in the living room, while Mike works.  I spend my days pulling myself up and down the steps to go to work (when my internet decides to work) and putting out fights between the boys.  My family and friends are shocked at how badly I'm handling the situation and quite frankly, I'm a little shocked myself.  I try to remind myself that this is only temporary....next month at this time I should be mobile (with a boot) and I'm reminded of what the bible tells me, be thankful in all things.  So, here goes.  I'm thankful I work from home as I'm not sure how I'd be getting myself to an office everyday.  I'm thankful this happened to me and not Mike.  An injury like this would have shut down his business for months.  I'm thankful for my mother who not only endures daily rants but she's constantly trying to think of ways to improve my days. I'm thankful the boys are 10 and 14.  They are helpful to me and if I had small children I'd need someone to come in during the day to take care of them.  And most importantly I'm thankful this is only temporary.  I've thought of our military men and women who come home with permanent disabilities.  I've thought of my dad, whose lived changed forever when he was 44 years old.  One thing that isn't surprising to me (or to anyone else who knows me) is I am trying to learn something from this experience.  What I've learned thus far is to never take your health or your mobility for granted.  I've learned that in the future I must be way more mindful of what I'm doing.  I will probably be a big party pooper after this experience.  I will never get on a trampoline or bike again, or anything that I could get injured on - ever!  And once again, my impulsivity got the best of me.  I thought I was past conquering my impulsivity but clearly I'm not and I'm going to be more aware of that in the future.  So until I get this dumb cast off I'll keep keeping on! 

Our "Modern Family" Episode

 Yesterday was my cousin Michelle's wedding.  Sadly I did not get a picture of Michelle.  She was a beautiful bride.  I simply wasn't at my best yesterday which is my excuse as to why I didn't get a picture of her and her groom.  But the day did provide some laughs and as the evening went on I kept wondering how a major TV network hadn't picked up our family for a sitcom.  The day started off with my family getting me into the car, loading my scooter, and getting my leg propped (see picture above).  Nick took one for the team and within 10 minutes he was complaining his leg was numb.  My cast weighs a ton!  I then decided to prop my leg on the center consil (I have no clue how to spell that) and then Mike and Jay complained that my foot stunk (which is probably does but there's nothing I can do about it).  As we were driving around downtown Springfield I noticed Mike kept making wrong turns.  When I kindly said something to him, his response was, "Do you want to drive?"  I'm sure by now you are getting a real picture.  When we got to the reception my sister spent 90 minutes entertaining three kids under the age of 8 and one of them was my nephew, Luke.  Kim took the three kids on a walk then she had to keep Luke from pulling up her skirt during cocktail hour.  We proceeded into the reception area and couldn't find our table.  Meanwhile I'm hobbling around on my scooter and I have my three crabby boys (yes, Mike included) asking me where our table was.  I respond with my usual, "I don't know, I'm not in charge."  We do finally find our table and sit down at which time Luke starts saying vagina over and over again. Kim finally has to take him to the bathroom and wash his mouth out with soap.  I'm sitting in my chair with my leg propped up on my scooter and to top things off I wasn't drinking (for obvious reasons).  Lauren and Luke proceeded to start jumping on Jay (see picture below) and Jay informs me that he has poison ivy on his private parts!!!  It was about the time that my leg started hurting and I learned that Jay had an epic case of poison ivy that I thought it might be time to depart.  It was such a nice wedding and I was so glad I was able to go and see my cousin get hitched!!  Hopefully my Aunt Karen will give me some pics of Michelle!

 Jay and my Aunt Susan.  She is the oldest sibling of my dad and my Aunt Karen. 

 Here's me at the reception.  My leg and scooter didn't make this cut.  My sister got a real "beauty" of me at the church on my scooter.  Good times. 

 Here's Luke and Lauren jumping on Jay.  I'm pretty sure all Jay is thinking about it trying not to itch his privates! 

And finally, here's my sister trying to have a meaningful conversation with her nephew, Nick.  Again, a picture is worth a thousand words. 

Marriage

This morning Mike had to give me a shower, which is something he's having to do once every 3rd day so you can imagine by the time I get a shower, I smell.....bad.  Despite my nightly attempts at giving myself a sponge bath, it really doesn't do the trick.  I have to rely on Mike to shower me.  It's our new normal, at least for the next 3 weeks.  As I got in the shower, he started spraying me with the water.  Yes, I felt a bit like cattle.  Then he started squirting the pump soap all over me without any care in the world.  Literally, he was pumping soap in clumps all over me, which I desperately needed but I didn't really appreciate.  I told him I didn't like the pump soap, that I preferred the Irish Spring bar soap.  He ignored me.  Don't get me wrong, Mike got the job done and I'm clean, so clean, that I feel like a new woman this morning (even got my hair washed) but Mike is a problem solving man.    In his mind it wasn't about caregiving but about getting the job done in a reasonable amount of time with the least amount of mess, in the most efficient way - mission accomplished.  All the while, we were cracking up at ourselves and the predicament I got myself into with my broken ankle.  We've been married 18 years and in the last 8 months we've endured a devastating job loss, the start up of a new business and now a significant injury and somehow we're still laughing (if we don't, we'll cry).  I'd say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.  Despite all the brokenness, all the struggles and changes, Mike is still that sweet 21 year old boy who showed up at my door 22 years ago.  In marriage you have to change and adapt, I've learned this but the history you build along the way with your one and only is worth the climb, even though the climb is super hard and super exhausting.  I know Mike and I will get through this season of our life and marriage.  Our boys have been able to witness first hand that life is not fun sometimes and when life isn't fun, Mike and I bonded together and made the best of it (or at least we're trying)!   

Fourth of July

 This fourth of July will be one we won't soon forget.  We were invited to a shrimp boil with Jay's friends parents but sadly by the end of the evening I had broken my ankle due to an unfortunate bike race.  I am now blogging in a cast which I will remain in until at least July 29 and sadly after that I'll be in a boot or splint for the next 3 months.  To say I'm discouraged and frustrated is an understatement but I'm trying (boy, am I trying) to stay positive. 

 We had our annual fourth of July parade in our neighborhood.  The boys always love it1 Noah got in for this picture too

 Lobster (Nick's fav) was included in the shrimp boil.  The picture above is Nick checking out what he was about to ingest.  Ha.

 Jay and his friends eating the shrimp.  The shrimp boil is always SO good.  There are potatoes, corn, shrimp, lobster...yum!!!

Nick and his buddies, Cole and Kel.  It really was a fun fourth, until I broke my ankle.  Needless to say we won't be forgetting this fourth of July anytime soon. 

CIY, Pedi's and Uncle Mike's

 Jay got home from his Christ in Youth trip yesterday.  He loved it and so did Curt.  The pic above is of the boys with their other roomie, Sam.  Jay fell asleep in the living room last night at 5:30.  He got up at 6:30 to eat dinner and was showered and in bed (for good) at 7:30.  He slept until 8:15 this morning.  I don't think the boys slept more than 3 hours a night on their trip.  Jay wouldn't fully confess to me and I had to remind him that I wasn't mad, after all I went to camp when I was a kid.  I remember vividly living on very little sleep and lots of fun nights.  After sending both my boys off to camp this week it gave me an opportunity to reflect on my time at camp.  I was raised in a Christian home but it was my time at camp (when I was away from my parents) that I felt the closest to Christ and grew in my faith.  I am thankful to my parents for sending me to camp and giving me that opportunity. 

 On Friday I went to Laura's for some fourth of july pedicures.  It was just what I needed after a long week. 

                               Nick is in the picture but there was no pedi for Nick!  Ha. 

 Jay, fast asleep in the bean bag after returning from his trip.  Seriously, he hasn't fallen asleep in the living room since he was about 8 weeks old (kid you not) and even then, he'd fall asleep and then cry.

 My mom and Nick went to Sterling yesterday to visit grandma and then go to Uncle Mike's for fireworks.  A good time was had by all!