My Stock Tank

Anyone who knows me knows I have hounded Mike for a pool for years.  His answer was always a hard NO!  I must admit his reasons were valid.  He would end up taking care of it and fixing it.  He didn't have much confidence in me cleaning it everyday.  The expense of maintaining it, not to mention the electric bill, were all the reasons Mike thought a pool was a terrible idea. During one of our conversations Mike had a slip up.  He said the only way I was getting a pool was if it were an animal troff.  At the time I blew his comment off but then I went away for a girls trip over Labor Day weekend 2021.  Leave it to my girls to find a loop hole.  My friend had recently bought a stock tank but at the time hadn't gotten it installed.  My interest was peaked.  

I came home from that trip and reminded Mike of his animal troff statement.  I proposed my stock tank idea.  I think Mike thought I wasn't serious but he is a man true to his word.  In April I purchased the tank and all the supplies.  Mike faithfully went and picked up the tank for me.  He dug a trench for the electrical and installed the pump for me.  He even built a deck around the tank and named my flamingos Berta and Jade.  Apparently Mike thinks flamingos are trashy so he made a fake cigarette and stuck it in Berta's mouth.  Only Mike would construct a fake cigarette that hangs from my flamingo chlorine dispenser.  It does provide good entertainment, however.  

This summer wasn't the summer I had envisioned because I've been so consumed with my mom but my stock tank is everything I wanted it to be.  Jay and I use it often.  Mike and Nick, not so much. It's been easy to clean and I've been devoted to cleaning it daily which given the size of the tank takes me all of 5 minutes.  Sometimes during my lunch break I'll go out and float for 30 minutes.  It's been good for my mental health and I'm truly thankful to my dear husband for being such a good sport about it!
 

Nick's big purchase

 If I haven't blogged how proud I am of Nick lately, well here's the blog.  At the start of the summer he scored a job that he loved.  Within a month his employer gave him a raise.  Nick went to work faithfully all summer.  At work he made friends, socialized and learned a skill.  I think given what is going on in our current culture his employer was beyond impressed with Nick.  He showed up on time.  He worked hard.  He caught on to things quickly and he conversated (oh how he conversated) with his coworkers.  It sounds like basic common sense, right?  But in this day and age it isn't.  If an employer can find a 16 year old like Nick who is ready, willing and able to work, it's a big deal.  One of Nick's many gifts is his ability to relate to people.  He can strike up a conversation with just about anyone.  Of course it helps if that person enjoys fishing or anything outdoors.  Ha.  But seriously he's easy to talk to and always has a plan which is the point of this blog.  Nick's plan was to save every penny this summer and after he paid for his own gas (which by the way, we experienced some of the highest gas prices this summer) he had enough money to purchase his own fishing boat.  He bought it exactly a week ago.  It's a project which is typical for our family.  As Mike said, "My kids buy something and it ends up costing me money."  However, Mike is a good dad.  He and Nick are making plans on what needs to be done and Mike went out this morning and purchased gravel for the driveway where the boat will be parked.  My prayer for Nick is that God uses all of his talents and abilities for His glory and that one day Jesus meets Nick out on the water and Nick experiences all of goodness that can only come through knowing and loving Jesus.      

Weekend Gatherings

Oh my goodness did I have a great weekend!  After the last 6 weeks it was so nice to be around people, laughing and enjoying good conversation.  On Friday night we celebrated with a wedding.  Ryan and Jenna have a beautiful story.  A perfect example of God's grace and redemption.  It was a joy to be a part of their day.  The picture above is of our friends that we met when our kids were in first grade.  Even though our boys will soon be 21 this group continues to be friends.  I always enjoy getting together with them.  

And speaking of first grade!  Aaron's birthday is next week.  I have a picture of these three when they were six, under my pine tree.  I'm re-creating the picture with this picture.  I just love these three boys!

                           An added blessing.  I got to spend time with Karen at the wedding.  

On Saturday some of my friends from SF came over.  Karen, Jill and Jen.  We ate dinner on my patio and posed for this picture around my stock tank.  Jill hired me when I was a fresh faced 23 year old.  She was my boss for 16 years.  We are still friends today!  On Sunday Mike and I went to church and I ended the day with my bible study group.  

I woke up this morning feeling physically tired but mentally restored.  I truly feel a season of rest and grace is coming.  
 

The Next Chapter

Yesterday we broke mom out of the nursing home.  Not really but it felt good to get her out of there.  We moved her into her forever home.  It's really a community.  Kim and I made decision to move mom into an assisted living facility that also offered skilled nursing home care.  Mom was in agreement with this.  The reason why we made this decision is so that when and if mom needs skilled nursing home care there won't be a question of where she will go.  She will stay within the community that she lives in, where people already know her.  Over time it will become home to her.  Kim and I especially feel very good about mom's placement.  We feel she will thrive in her enviroment as she continues to recover.  

 None of this has been easy.  In fact the past 6 weeks have been hands down the most difficult season of my entire life and I've had a lot of yuck the last 5 years.  Mom, Kim and I faced challenges that I couldn't have foreseen.  Each day presented new challenges.  Mom's hospital stay was bad enough but we had no idea what we were in store for at the nursing home.  I'm praying that soon the three of us will be entering a season of rest and grace.  

Finding the joy

 It's been a hard day.  My day started with a cheerful call from my mom at 7:30 this morning.  She called me three times before noon and by the third call she had sunk into a pit of depression.  This is the roller coaster my Mom, me and Kim are on these days.  I've come to a couple of realizations: #1 - This likely is going to be a long road so although I'm anxious for a breakthrough I am relying on my motto, I know nothing, God knows everything.  #2 - My Aunt Karen told me a long time ago that you have to keep moving forward, don't focus on the sad but she admits that is hard to do when it's your mother.  Most days I'm able to look past the look of defeat in my mother's eyes.  It's not that I don't care about that look of defeat.  I just have to keep her focused on moving forward.  #3 - Take it one day at a time.  I am not in control of the situation with my mom, God is.  Mom continues to tell me (almost daily) that she has told Jesus she is ready to come home.  As each day passes she almost seems more frantic in her pleas.  These are hard words to hear but at the same time there is nothing more reassuring to know my mother without a shadow of a doubt knows this is not her home.  She also knows that although Jesus may not heal her on this earth she understands His promises and that one day, like my dad, she will have two working arms, two legs that move without pain or weakness and her speech completely restored.  These are the promises God has made to us.  I was listening to a podcast a long time ago when I heard some of the best encouragment and it was a good reminder during seasons of great difficulty.  God uses our brokeness chapter of our story to showcase His faithfulness.  Our spiritual life cannot be based on our feelings (which if you ask me this is oh so hard) but God's truth.  It's the one sure thing.   

Mike is in Texas tonight with Mike and Jenny.  In an attempt to keep myself busy I was going up and down the stairs putting laundry away when I stopped and looked at the picture frames we have lined up our staircase.  All of the pictures are from our TN vacations with the Ausili's.  I stopped and smiled on them, thankful for all the good times we had.  Faith is 22, working as a nurse in Arizona.  Curtis is a junior at Univ. of Alabama.  Jay is working a full time job on a path to become an electrician and Nick, our littlest of the crew, is now driving.  Reflecting on these pictures reminded me of the blessings God provides you with to sustain you through the hard times.  As I write this I'm at my dining room table enjoying all the hummingbirds that come to my feeder.  I've struggled to attract hummingbirds but this year Jenny gave me the perfect mix and sure enough my feeder has turned into a hummingbird sanctuary.  So although my day was heavy and I anticipate many more hard days ahead I am thankful for the gift of friendship, memories and hummingbirds.  

First Day of Junior Year

Today is Nick's first day of his junior year of high school.  How time flies.  This boy fished and worked his entire summer.  He finished up his full time job at the machine shop yesterday.  He absolutely loved his job this summer.  My momma's heart is so thankful.  Last night I picked Nick up from work and we went school shopping and out to dinner.  The boy is never home so it was nice to have some one on one time with him.  Nick is a conversation starter and I enjoy his thoughts on life.  Ha!  He has an opinion on just about everything.  

 This week his good friend, Chase, is staying with us.  Chase's parents are traveling to Utah to drop his older brother off at school.  I love Chase.  He's so laid back, easy to have around and keeps Nick in check.  My prayer for both these boys is that they be a light onto others, that God's hand of protection is over both of them and that they can just be kids this year and enjoy their last 2 years of high school.  Last year they were headed to school in masks.  Honestly there hasn't been anything "normal" for these kids in 2 years but I hope and pray this year is filled with normalcy and fun for them.  

Our weekend

Nick was gone all weekend on another fishing tournament.  He and his partner, Jackson, placed 13th.  Honestly Jay is home more these days than Nick is.  Nick is working today and tomorrow and on Wednesday he will start his junior year of high school.  

On Sunday me, Jay, Kim and our dogs hung out at my stock tank.  Kim returns to work today and it was nice to relax and enjoy one anothers company.  

 I wouldn't say the dogs love the stock tank but if Jay or I get in the tank with them they tolerate it.  Ha. 

Sarah

This girl right here is such a treasure in my life.  I first became friends with Sarah many years ago through Jenny but it was when Sarah moved back to Bloomington about 8 years ago that cemented our friendship.  When Jenny moved to TX in 2018 Sarah and I became even closer.  Sarah is the most thoughtful person I know and I'm not kidding.  She is always thinking of others and how to brighten their day.  Just being around her fills my cup everytime.  She's smart, funny, beautiful inside and out.  She is also a planner.  She consistently sends texts out to me, Mary and Shannon coordinating our monthly breakfasts.  She is truly the sweetest and I love her dearly.  

 This week she visited my mom and brought cards.  Mom dictated to Sarah what the write in the cards.  Sarah wrote her words and then Mom signed the cards.  When my card arrived in the mail this week I cried, overwhelmed by Sarah's thoughtful act of kindness.  

This, that and the other

Given all the events with my mom this past month I haven't had a lot of time to blog about my boys.  Nick is living his best life.  He spent the last week in July in the Ozarks with his good friend, Logan, and his family and loved every minute of it.  According to Nick, Logan's mom is the best cook ever.  Ha.  Speaking of Logan's mom she took this picture of Nick (above) and the boys (below).  I am so thankful for the solid friendships my boys have.  Nick continues to work full time.  He made the difficult decision not to play football this year.  In May he asked Mike and I if he could quit and we said No but as time went on I could see how unhappy he was.  Mike, Nick and I sat down together in mid-July and talked about.  After discussing it as a family and hearing Nick's reasons for not wanting to play we gave Nick our blessing.  It's kind of bittersweet.  

Mike had my stock tank ready to go over Memorial Day weekend.  I have not used it as much as I would have liked this summer but Jay does.  Ha!  This past Saturday I felt like I could finally catch my breath a bit.  The weather was hot and sunny.  Jay and I (and Cole) hung out in the tank.  It's really nice being able to just hang out with my 20 year old.  

We closed on mom's house on Friday, Aug. 5.  What a huge relief.  I am so thankful for friends who helped Kim and I and sweet Mary who sold mom's house.  What a blessing!  Now Kim and I can put all of our energy into finding the right home for mom (more on that later) and make sure she gets the proper care.  Mary took us out for drinks after the closing to celebrate.  
 

Mom's House

 We close on mom's house in two days.  Soon another family will make their own memories in the house that my mom lived in and cared for.  Her house had a deep cleaning yesterday and the stager removed all of her furniture minus the furniture we left behind, purchased by the buyers, the house was pretty much empty.  I was reminded of what my dear husband has said many times, "It's just a house."  But as Mary and I walked through the house inspecting each room to make sure we hadn't fogotten anything I knew I had to keep moving.  In that moment I couldn't reflect on the Christmas' we spent in the basement.  The sandbox mom had in her side yard for Jay, who of all her grands loved the sandbox the most.  The basement bedroom where my sister finished out her high school years, probably sneaking out and my mom's beloved reading room where she spent a lot of time with Jesus and reading good books. 

This morning at 4 am it hit me.  I was awake, reflecting on mom's house and suddenly the light over her kitchen sink popped into my head.  When Mike was remodeling her kitchen he had picked the light out.  At first my mom hated it but she trusted Mike's eye for design and agreed to it.  Of course that light complimented the look of the kitchen and mom ended up loving it.  Her kitchen is a true masterpiece and the memory that I carry most dear to me is witnessing the relationship between my mother and my husband in that season.  There wasn't a day during that project that my mom didn't look forward to seeing Mike and discussing the plans they had.  Mom's kitchen is probably one of Mike's most accomplished and proud projects.  Her kitchen was finished three months before her stroke.  Ironic isn't it?  But then I go back to Mike's philisophy, it's just a kitchen.  After her stroke Mike became her handyman.  She made countless calls to Mike to fix things.  He was always patient and kind.  Mike  installed railings on both sides of her stairs so she could easily go up and down the stairs.  Two years after her stroke he and mom collaborated once again and designed a new and improved bathroom for her, one that would be more handicapped accessible and easier for her to use.  Of course Mike designed it in a way that no one would ever know it was handicapped accessible.  He thoughtfully put in heated floors for her and installed a heated shower seat.  My sweetest memory during that time was mom calling me in the mornings and in her broken speech she would say, "Mike's here, I just love him."  Mike would always play with Walker which delighted mom.  

During seasons filled with joy and there were many in mom's house, I treasure them and tuck them away in my heart and memory.  Mom's current season of life is filled with challenges but she, her four grandchildren, Kim, Craig and Mike and I have memories of mom in that house that will always be a part of us.  If life has taught me anything it's that things change and we can't take any of this "stuff" with us.  It's the memories that make the biggest impression and shape you.  

Season of life

Life continues and it's hard but in the challenges there are blessings.  Sweet Mary got mom's house sold (blessing #1).  We close this Friday and I know once we close on the house the burden of the load Kim and I are carrying will lessen.  Mom settled into life at her rehab facility.  It wasn't without many hiccups, however.  I was worried about my sister last week.  Kim would walk into the nursing home every morning and either mom wouldn't have been fed or she'd been fed and not given insulin.  Each and every morning Kim or I are having to brush mom's teeth and get her ready for the day.  Kim goes back to work in 3 short weeks and we will both be consumed with our full time jobs which don't allow us to go into the nursing home every morning and get mom ready for her day.  We meet with the nursing home director this afternoon to develop a care plan and we've called our Aunt Karen to attend with us (blessing #2)

This past weekend our dear cousin, Amber, and my sweet friend, Sarah, helped Kim and I with mom's huge garage sale (blessing #3).  It always amazes me how God provides just the right people you need at just the right time.  Amber is so friendly and helpful.  Sarah is a wheeler and dealer and pulled things out of our sale that we had put a quarter on but were really worth much more than that.  To be honest by the time of the sale Kim and I were done.  We needed Amber and Sarah and their fresh set of eyes and attitude to come in and help us.  They were invaluable to us.  

A bright spot in the weekend was celebrating Jenna and Ryan.  We had a lunch for Jenna and the guys hung out at Joe's house with Ryan (blessing #4).  It was nice to do something "normal" in what has been a rough few weeks.  

 Kim and I laughed on Saturday, like a lot (blessing #5).  We so needed it.  I'm convinced that laughter really does soften the hard seasons of life and we are certainly in a hard season of life.  Mom is doing okay.  Her attitude is good but physically she has a big mountain to climb.  Kim and I are taking it one day at time, doing what we can do each day.  I told Kim many times last week when she was at her breaking point that for that day we did what we could do.  Another challenge I'm having right now is my recovery from Covid.  I'm struggling.  I'm exhausted and still congested.  I know the stress I'm carrying is not helping in my recovery.  Right now my phrase is one day at a time.  I'm reminded of the bible verse from Matthew 6:34, Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.