Finding the joy

 It's been a hard day.  My day started with a cheerful call from my mom at 7:30 this morning.  She called me three times before noon and by the third call she had sunk into a pit of depression.  This is the roller coaster my Mom, me and Kim are on these days.  I've come to a couple of realizations: #1 - This likely is going to be a long road so although I'm anxious for a breakthrough I am relying on my motto, I know nothing, God knows everything.  #2 - My Aunt Karen told me a long time ago that you have to keep moving forward, don't focus on the sad but she admits that is hard to do when it's your mother.  Most days I'm able to look past the look of defeat in my mother's eyes.  It's not that I don't care about that look of defeat.  I just have to keep her focused on moving forward.  #3 - Take it one day at a time.  I am not in control of the situation with my mom, God is.  Mom continues to tell me (almost daily) that she has told Jesus she is ready to come home.  As each day passes she almost seems more frantic in her pleas.  These are hard words to hear but at the same time there is nothing more reassuring to know my mother without a shadow of a doubt knows this is not her home.  She also knows that although Jesus may not heal her on this earth she understands His promises and that one day, like my dad, she will have two working arms, two legs that move without pain or weakness and her speech completely restored.  These are the promises God has made to us.  I was listening to a podcast a long time ago when I heard some of the best encouragment and it was a good reminder during seasons of great difficulty.  God uses our brokeness chapter of our story to showcase His faithfulness.  Our spiritual life cannot be based on our feelings (which if you ask me this is oh so hard) but God's truth.  It's the one sure thing.   

Mike is in Texas tonight with Mike and Jenny.  In an attempt to keep myself busy I was going up and down the stairs putting laundry away when I stopped and looked at the picture frames we have lined up our staircase.  All of the pictures are from our TN vacations with the Ausili's.  I stopped and smiled on them, thankful for all the good times we had.  Faith is 22, working as a nurse in Arizona.  Curtis is a junior at Univ. of Alabama.  Jay is working a full time job on a path to become an electrician and Nick, our littlest of the crew, is now driving.  Reflecting on these pictures reminded me of the blessings God provides you with to sustain you through the hard times.  As I write this I'm at my dining room table enjoying all the hummingbirds that come to my feeder.  I've struggled to attract hummingbirds but this year Jenny gave me the perfect mix and sure enough my feeder has turned into a hummingbird sanctuary.  So although my day was heavy and I anticipate many more hard days ahead I am thankful for the gift of friendship, memories and hummingbirds.