Pressure

Jay has been in Cross Country since August.  This is his second year and I'm proud of him.  Middle school children make running two miles look easy but it's not.  I am not a runner but I am a walker and I know enough to know that running is hard work and you either love or hate it.  I hate it!  I also think it's fair to say Jay is not in love with long distance running but he's almost completed his season with good times, a good attitude and I'm hoping that in the long run (no pun intended, ha) that he's gained something from his experience.  Recently Jay told me he was feeling so much pressure from people; his coach, his teammates and yep, his parents.  I unintentionally placed pressure on Jay without fully grasping the effect it would have on him.  I thought I was being encouraging, instead I was pressuring him.  I "dangled "prizes" in front of Jay, telling him if he beat his personal record there would be rewards.  Jay had a conversation with Mike that he wanted to do his best and Mike asked him if he wanted to set goals/rewards for himself and Jay said Yes, hence the rewards we set in place for Jay.  I think as the season went on, Jay realized it was too much pressure.  I apologized to Jay for ever putting pressure on him.  He juggles a lot these days; school, friends, sports and balances them all very well.  He is exactly who God made him to be and I'm enjoying seeing him morph into that individual.  Once I became aware of how Jay was feeling I started to think about the pressure kids are under these days.  Social media is everywhere.  School requirements are tougher.  The competitive edge with sports in my opinion has gotten a little ridiculous.  My 12 year old summed it up perfectly the other day when he said, "I just want to run to have fun.  I don't want to feel like I have to beat my personal record each and every time I run."  Last night I attended one of Jay's meets.  I was more aware of this "pressure" and as I walked through the course cheering for Jay I heard such comments as "Catch up to that kid, don't let him beat you," "Push yourself, keep going, you can do it."  These comments came from well meaning parents and coaches and were meant to be encouraging, I'm sure, but how are kids really internalizing these comments?  The first cross country meet I went to last year it was crazy hot and I heard a father scream at his daughter, "Hurry up, I can walk faster than that."  I was appalled!  I don't think anyone could argue that comment was not encouraging.  It's funny sometimes how kids can open your eyes to things and make you see things just a little differently.  Thank you, Jay for reminding me to not sweat the small stuff and see things through your eyes!  Love you. 

Air Soft

 Jay loves getting a group together to play air soft (hence all the air soft guns behind them).  Nick joined them so they had a nice even group of 6!  The weather was beautiful and fun was had by all!  I didn't even have any fighting between Jay and Nick. I think Jay was glad they had an even group and Nick was glad to be playing with the big boys.

Our week

 This week was busy, as usual.  The weather cooperated and one day after school I took Nick and a friend to a pumpkin farm.  The two of them had a ball.  We were there for two hours and we could have easily stayed three.  The boys loved it!

A lounge chair at a pumpkin farm, who would have thunk it?

                                          
 Doesn't this picture say it all?  Can't you tell exactly what Jay and Van are thinking?  Jay and Van have been friends since their early days at Kelson Kids; when Jay was 3 and Van was 2.  Van is in 6th grade and running XC this year.  I have truly loved every second I've spent with her this season.  Laura and I take turns picking Jay and Van up from XC and I just love her.  One day after I dropped Van off I told Jay that Van has the kind of character he needs to look for in a wife.  Jay's eyes got big and he said, "You want me to marry Savanah!"  As much as I would love that I doubt that will happen.  My point was Van's content of character is stellar!  A true mark of a Christian girl who loves Jesus and loves others.

 Two of my favorite boys!  My sister braved the heat (seriously it was hot for the end of September) and came to Jay's meet today.  Luke played football with Nick.  Pretty soon we'll be going to Luke's football games. 

Hugs from cousin Luke.  As I blog it's about 3:30 on Saturday afternoon and I'm spent.  My lips are chapped, my face is burnt and I smell.  I was at school at 7:30 this morning and just got home.  These are the days of my life and I wouldn't trade them. 

Life it's what's for dinner

My blog title might be a bit corny but I was trying to be creative.  So I may have failed miserably.  Mike and I are sure living life these days.  I like to think that our life isn't all that different from most families.  Don't get me wrong, I'm extraordinary blessed.  I have a loving husband, a good job and two healthy kids.  Life in general has a way of making things real for you - just in case you thought things were going "just right" in your life.  For example, our roof is leaking (still), our yard is filled with unopened but torn mulch bags (since May), our dishwasher burned out last night, we have a middle schooler who is going through puberty (more on that later) and a 3rd grader who has another bout of poison ivy.  We also have two dogs who not always but sometimes get up in the middle of the night and puke up grass all over the carpet (COLE!!!).  I try to keep all of this in perspective.  These issues may be annoying but this is real life.  I know a woman in our community whose husband is 32 years old and he's literally in a fight for his life.  I thought of her last night as I stood over my burned out (and smelly) dishwasher.  Mike was laughing about it (good for him) but I was mad that we had to yet throw more money into an appliance.  It is another inconvenience for us and then it hit me and I asked myself, "Is this something she would get upset about?"  I knew the answer in an instant, NO!  I'm sure this woman doesn't sweat the small stuff and a burned out dishwasher is just that, the small stuff, after all, it's life! 

The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree

Jay and I don't laugh at the same jokes.  He doesn't like people nearly as much as I do.  Jay is introverted, I am extroverted.  Jay likes late nights.  I'm asleep by 9:00 (and trust me, the same was true when I was his age).  However, as Jay has grown I've noticed he's more like me than I may have realized and unfortunately he got one of my not so appealing characteristics.  I have to learn things the hard way.  I like to think that as I've aged this character flaw has improved but with Jay I know he has a long road ahead of him.  Jay has had his four wheeler for several years now.  Mike bought him a top of the line four wheeler in the hopes that as far as maintenance, there wouldn't be much.  Well that hasn't really happened.  Mike has put many, many hours into fixing Jay's four wheeler and LOTS of money on replacement parts due to Jay's negligence.  Mike has made it clear to Jay through the years that if he notices something isn't right, like the chain rattling or the brakes squeaking, all he needs to do is tell Mike and he'll fix it.  Mike's hope was Jay would pay attention to the condition of his four wheeler and tell Mike about problems before he would need a whole new back end, new brakes, new suspension (the list goes on and on).  Most of the problems with the four wheeler have come from the abuse it's taken from its owner (A.K.A Jay).  This weekend Mike very calmly (that's what I love about Mike) explained to Jay the four wheeler is now his entire responsibility.  Mike said he's not laying another hand on the beast!  He explained that Jay will need to figure out how to fix it, figure out the cost of the parts and purchase them himself.  Yesterday Jay attempted to start the big project (notice the manual laying open on the back).  Mike was right in his decision.  Jay needs to "feel" this in order to finally figure out all the work it takes to fix it and all the money it takes to keep it running and perhaps if he's able to figure it out and come up with the money, my bet is he'll treat it like a million bucks because he'll finally "get it."  Jay comes by this "default" naturally.  My mom spent countless hours coming up with ways so I could "feel the pain."    It was the only way I truly figured things out and understood the consequences of my actions.  As a parent it's hard because it's exhausting and there are some children you can just tell them something and they understand the reason behind it and wa-la they get it but I was not that kind of kid and neither is Jay.  What can I say, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree after all!

Third grade bliss

I write this blog with hesitation.  I don't want to jinx the great start Nick has had to his third grade year but I am also very thankful for the blessing of a seamless transition.  First and second grade were challenging - each challenge with each grade were different but difficult just the same.  Now that we're through almost 6 weeks of school Nick is happy and it does this momma's heart to see my energetic, happy and know it all (however annoying this trait may be, it's part of Nick's personality) 8 year old boy back.  We lost Nick in about February of last year and didn't see him come back until about July.  I'm happy to report things are still Nick with all his Nickness!  His confidence is returning, he's making friends and is asking to have friends over.  Nick hasn't asked to have friends over since before last Christmas.  He has a dynamite teacher, he's playing football and perhaps just having another year of maturity under his belt has helped.  Lord knows I've spent lots of time on my knees praying for my boy.  Thank you, Jesus!

A really good day

 This day was so wonderful for so many reasons.  The weather was beautiful.  I got to see my family; my mom, my niece, my aunt and the Ausili's - seriously seeing all these people in one day is one fabulous day indeed.  Then Jay had the best XC meet he's ever had and he needed it so badly!  He ran 2 miles in 14.37, his best time ever.  This really boosted his confidence & proved to him he could do it.  I felt like Steve Martin in Parenthood.  Remember during the entire movie his son was mediocre at baseball until the end.  If my memory serves me correctly his son finally caught a ball and saved the game.  Steve Martin practically danced across the field!  I practically danced across the course!  XC isn't so much about coming in first - although some people may disagree with me.  XC is more about your own personal best and Jay felt like his personal best really stunk lately.  Just this week he had a conversation with me about quitting the team (which is unacceptable).  It was such a boost for him to know he had it in him, it's just been in hiding for several weeks. 

 My rockin aunt came to watch Jay run!  It was so nice to see her and spend time with her today.

 My sweet sister and Lauren came too.  She joked that Jay did so well today because he had aunt power there.  He wouldn't give her the credit (ha) but I think she may be on to something.

 And here's the runner!  Way to go, Jay.  I'm really, really proud of you!  Keep at it!!

 Seriously can this picture be any cuter?  Where Jay had an awesome day sports wise, Nick did not.  His team got smoked, 27-0.  But he got a hug from Faith afterwards which made everything better - hence the picture below.  Nick's team might have gotten beat (badly) but he got an upper from his other siblings!  And that's pretty much what Faith and Curtis are to him, an extension of his family.  Love them. 

My boys

 I cannot get a good picture of Nick these days to save my life.  It's very frustrating because he's a cute kid with a sweet smile but this is the best I can do.  Sigh.....Plus it doesn't help that Mike shaved his head last night.  Nick needed a hair cut and asked Mike to shave his head with no guard and Mike obliged.  By the time I discovered it, the damage was done. 

XC, Jay & 7th grade

Okay so here's me being real.  Seventh grade is proving to not be quite as blissful with Jay as 6th grade.  Sixth grade was perhaps the honeymoon stage and that stage is over.  We are now into we've been married 7 years stage.  I'm finding there are lots of challenges with Jay these days.  Before I start naming these challenges, let me say I know I'm not alone & nothing Jay is doing or going through is out of the ordinary.  I'm sure every mother in America who is raising a 12 or 13 year old 7th grade boy feels my frustration.  First of all, Jay loved XC last year and did fairly well at it.  This year, not so much and the ironic part is this year he has a fabulous coach.  He complains about XC and he's running his 2 miles 3 minutes slower than last year which is fine but it bothers him and as with all kids if they don't feel successful in something, it's an uphill battle.  Then I also think he's grown so much his knees bother him. Plus his best buddy, his running partner, hasn't been to practice in weeks which really effects Jay and I can certainly understand that.  Jay has asked to quit the team which is course is unacceptable to Mike and I.  He started it, he'll finish it but it makes me sad to think he may not run next year.  Problem # 2 I'm having with him, his communication or lack thereof.  Mike and I find it really hard to get information out of him and even Mike feels this way which is telling you something because communication between father and son has been seamless, up until 7th grade.  It's not so much that Jay isn't telling us the important stuff (well he really isn't) but even the silly things like field trip info, friend stuff and just 7th grade daily in and outs, it's like we are talking to Charlie Brown's teacher.  Tonight is a rare night where all of us are home and we ate dinner together around the table - what a concept.  In the three hours we've been home together, I put my armor on in order to get homework accomplished with Nick, I read through Jay's texts wherein I found a girl (a nice one at that) asked him to the school dance.  Jay had never responded to her so that prompted a conversation between Mike and I and Jay about rudeness and communication.  Jay promptly then texted the girl back, apologized for not responding but said he wanted to go to the dance by himself which is all fine and dandy but geez, don't leave the girl hanging.  Then we had a friend issue with groups being assigned for an upcoming field trip and you guessed it, Jay said all of his friends are in groups (picked by each other) and he isn't in one of them.  It's been quite a drama filled night and I have boys for crying out loud.  My husband is working on our mower that has broken down one too many times, our roof leak is back and our A/C is broke.  What does all this have to do with my blog title about 7th grade?  Nothing really except this is real life, 7th grade and all. 

Our weekend

 Nick had his first tackle football game on Saturday.  He's # 55, off to the right in both of these pictures.  Mike and I are enjoying watching Nick play.  He really gets into the game and loves playing. 

On Sunday we went to church and discovered Curtis was wearing his "Welcome Home Haiti" shirt like Jay and Nick so of course I had to use it as a photo op.  I LOVE going to church on Sunday mornings but getting there is a whole different story.  We have a 35 minute drive to church one way which is challenging.  We don't have a lot of time on Sunday mornings to "relax."  This morning I found myself picking up dog poop in the basement, getting a lecture from my husband (God love him) about how I schedule too much into one day, having the boys sound like a herd of buffalo while getting ready, then having Mike discover our closet doors aren't shutting properly (this on top of our mower not working, our yard needing excavation work and our A/C breaking).  Once we all jammed ourselves into my clown car (We drive it because it's good on gas) and start driving Mike discovered he left his phone at home so we race back to home.  Somehow we made it to church on time and with time to spare so Mike could get a soda - a much needed soda at that.  But as always I'm so glad I went to church.  It is the best way to start my very busy week. 

Labor Day weekend

Our labor day weekend was uneventful.  Mike went to TN with Ausili for a much deserved guys weekend.  We had no sporting events this weekend which was good and bad; bad only because Nick got a little bored but good because I didn't have to juggle the boys to where they needed to go without Mike.  On Friday Jay went to the high school football game.  That story is a funny one.  I'm in the thick of raising a middle schooler.  On Friday night I picked Jay up from XC.  I was on the phone trying to arrange transportation for him for the game (which by the way the game situation only came about that afternoon, heaven forbid we plan anything in advance).  While I was on the phone, Jay comes out covered in mud from practice.  Meanwhile the school marching band starts playing in the background therefore my telephone conversation was officially over.  Nick's medication had clearly worn off and he was running around like a Mexican jumping bean.  Jay gets himself cleaned up, I track down another girl I'm giving a ride home to and we were off.  I get home to my very HOT house because our A/C is broke.  My mom is waiting for me with pizza.  She watches Nick while Jay showers and I run him back to the school.  Whew, what a night.  On Saturday, Jenny and the kids came out (hence picture above).  On Sunday we took the kids to the pool and on Monday I tried to relax and I use that term lightly.  What a weekend.