Derailment

All this week I've wanted to write.  My mind is overflowing with thoughts, disappointments and struggles and even though I've just finished week five of doing nothing I couldn't seem to get enough energy to formulate a thought.  I can't promise this blog will be stellar but here it goes.  Almost two years ago I sat on my couch and I prayed to God.  I prayed He would intervene on Mike's behalf and He did.  Only I couldn't see how He would intervene on my behalf, after all that wasn't what I prayed for.  I was already in good standing with God and thought I had it all together.  Then on July 4 I sustained an injury.  It's an injury I'll recover from but an injury none the less - one that is taking far too long to recover from, if you ask me.  I keep remembering that when I prayed my specific prayer to God I promised I would trust Him with what he had planned for Mike and yes our family but I'm having a harder time trusting Him with my needs, even though He's proven time and time again He is faithful and His love is far beyond my comprehension.  I've learned that I can worry myself about things I think could happen and in my experience I waste too much time worrying about things that don't ever happen.  In nine months I've learned it's the things you don't see coming that hit you hard.  I like to call them derailments and man have I experienced some big derailments in nine months.  Mike's job loss was our first derailment.  Our second derailment hit us in May when we received an unexpected and huge tax bill (never saw that coming).  Our next derailment was my injury, followed by my blood clot and pulmonary embolism.  Our medical bills is another derailment.  Then this week I learned I'll be on blood thinning medication my entire life. My life derailment is that I have a chromosomial defect and as a result I'll be on blood thinners forever.  It was another derailment that knocked the wind out of our sails.  I'm telling you, friends, I've run out of energy.  I can't walk (yet), I'm uncomfortable from my pulmonary embolism, my husband is trying desperately to get his business up and going, all the while wondering if this is really what he should be doing and after this week he worried that perhaps he should find a job.  However, I saved the best for last in this story.  God saved my life from the pulmonary embolism and made it known of my defect so it can be treated and conquered.  I'm trying to come to grips with this truth.  I know His work is not done yet with my family.  I'm certain of it.  I have no idea how He plans to pull us out of the depths of our despair but I know He works all things for our good.  I am trying every so desperately to remain faithful to His plan (whatever that may be) and I reminded Mike this morning of how he felt when the Holy Spirit comforted him in his time of desperation.  I take comfort in phrases in songs such as, "In the eye of the strom, you remain in control." And Natalie Grant's song, "When did I forget that you've always been the king of the world?"  During the last 5 weeks there have been times I've forgotten God is in control.  He is still at work in my family.  Just when I think I've lost all all my energy physically, mentally and spiritually He picks me up and gives me just the dose I need to carry on so as my mom would say, we'll keep keeping on.