Hope

Just this week I was able to ditch my boot and I've transitioned into an ankle brace and although that is great news, with the transition comes a lot of pain.  The reality is my road to recovery is going to be a long one.  Yesterday my physical therapist "taped" me because of my swelling.  My left leg looks like a spider web and I've had to resort to wearing Jay's size 10 shoes due to my swelling but I'm overjoyed to be walking again, even if every step hurts and knowing my 86 year old grandma could beat me in a "race."  Ha.  If you follow my blog it was evident that the last few weeks have been really difficult for me.  In general I'm a positive, upbeat person but this injury got to me.  This season of my life has been the only season where I was in absolute despair and it scared me.  I have "judged" depressed people before, wondering why they just can't get up and dust themselves off and go on with life.  This injury has given me a new understanding.  This past Saturday night I was at my lowest and Mike made a fire in the back yard.  He encouraged me to get outside and enjoy the outside and the fire.  I didn't want to go but a voice inside me told me that as soon as I stopped caring about my loved ones and what was important to them then I was really on a down hill slope.  Needless to say the Amy I know and love hobbled outside and sat by the fire with her husband - a glimmer of hope that I was still me.  On Monday (Aug. 8) I was given the green light to start full weight bearing and start physical therapy.  My attitude shifted then and I'm slowly coming back to life.  These past 9 months have been hard on Mike and I.  The reality is after licking our wounds from the job loss we dove into a small business which we are navigating the ins and outs of everyday.  Our faith was strong during this time and we knew God was at work, then my injury occurred, along with the blood clot and pulmonary embolism.  Sometimes it's not so clear what God is doing but I've held a few things close to my heart during this time.  Hillary Scott has a new song out, "Thy Will."  This song spoke to me the last five weeks. I'm me and God is God.  There you have it, it's that simple.  And I cannot forget my life was saved.  From my blood clot I learned I have a clotting disorder (a better way to put it than how it was presented to me; a chromosomal mutation).  As a result I will be on blood thinners for life and I will have to get my boys tested (which may save their lives as well).  What a blessing.  I'm alive and I will recover.  As my friend, Mary, texted me, I can and I will recover.  I have hope!