Boldness & Trust

 As every year comes to a close I try to focus on words for the upcoming year rather than resolutions.  It seems like every even year since 2016 has been difficult.  I seem to sail through the odd years.  As I approach 2024 I feel like I'm bracing for impact.  It's not biblical and it's not healthy.  On my walk this morning I told God I would trust Him.  I will not brace for impact but instead look to Him for everything, trust that He has me and will work all things out for my good (Romans 8:28).  I also want to boldly proclaim the gospel.  I want my faith written all over me.  Often I hold back because I am not articulate.  I don't feel as if I know my bible well enough to speak up and speak out.  God knows this about me.  I'm a work in progress.   I reference my favorite bible verse, Philippians 3:14, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."  I sin, stumble and fall daily.  The beauty of God's love for us is I can get up the next day and keep pressing on, knowing His love for me doesn't change, Romans 8:38-39; "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God, that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

Christmas 2023

Kim and I decided to do things differently this year.  For as long as I can remember we spent Xmas eve together and then Xmas day at home with our families.  This year we switched it.  We went to church together at Song & Sword in the morning on Xmas eve.  Personally I loved going to church in the morning on Xmas eve.  After church Kim went to her in-laws and my family and mom went out to lunch.  Me, Nick and Mike spent a quiet evening at home on xmas eve and made homemade pizzas.  Jay was with Trystan's family.  

Christmas day was gloomy but warm.  Mike decided he would cut down a tree on Christmas day because who doesn't cut down trees on Xmas day?  Only Mike. 

Although I haven't known Trystan for long, I love her.  She is so easy to have around.  It was a joy to have another female around on Christmas.  My family opened their gifts late morning and about 1:30 mom and Kim and family showed up.  

We ate about 2pm and then played a game and opened presents.  Mike's prime rib was delicious, as usual. 

                                                  Have I mentioned how much I like Trystan?  

Mom wasn't her best this year.  She was not feeling well and pretty unsteady on her feet but she was all smiles with Walker on her lap and receiving this Vizsla sweatshirt from Kim.  

Sweet Lauren.  We ended the night watching "Elf" in the basement (me, Kim and Lauren).  I didn't get any pics of Luke and Nick from Xmas but I promise they were with us.  Ha.  Nick went to bed early on xmas day because he went to work at 4am this morning.  Typical Nick.  I am very thankful for my family this Xmas.  Things change and I'm glad Kim and I made some changes this year.  We will likely do the same thing next year.  
 

Bible Study Babes

 Kim and I formed this group back in 2020.  Ever since then Christmas Eve Eve (Dec. 23) we get together at Shannon's for Christmas.  This year we got together on Dec. 22 - close enough, ha.  We missed Katie this year though.  If I remember correctly we couldn't get together at all in 2021 because Covid was ridiculous.  I just love these girls.  They fill my cup every time I am with them.  God has blessed with strong christian women.  I am so thankful for them.  

Jay and his girl

 I am so excited to write about Trystan.  These two started seeing each other in October.  As October spilled into November and now December it became clear to me this girl was someone special in Jay's life and I was dying to meet her.  Over the weekend we (all 3 of us, me, Mike and even Nick) had the pleasure of meeting her.  We went out for dinner and I just love her.  She was conversational, real, down to earth and easy to be around.  She is a hairdresser (I realize I'm showing my age by using that term....thankfully I have Tryston now who can school me on the correct terminology) and is opening her own salon in January, at the ripe old age of 21.  I'm impressed.  As I told her the other night she clearly has an entrepreneural heart.  

Signs of aging

 Every so often I have moments when I crack myself up.  Last night was one of those nights.  Recently I started using castor oil on my face after my evening shower.  Thanks to an instagram influencer it is proving to be a game changer for my aging face but I digress. However, using the castor oil does make my face quite oily.  Last night after my shower I went through my usual routine.  I decided that due to how gnarly my blood clot leg was looking it was best to start wearing my compression sock to bed again.  I applied my castor oil to my face, sweated to death trying to get my compression sock on and proceeded to go about my business.  In the kitchen I met Nick who asked me what I had all over my face, just as I was warming up coconut oil to gargle with because my gums were inflamed.  It was at that moment I started laughing out loud.  Here I was at 7:30 in the evening in my jams with castor oil all over my face, a compression sock on one leg, and gargling with coconut oil to help my inflamed gums.  The moment wasn't lost on me and I laughed at myself.  Thankfully I haven't lost my sense of humor.  

As a side note, my evenings now a days are a far cry from even 5 years ago when I was spending every single December evening in a gym, watching Jay or Nick play basketball and getting beat - badly, I might add.  Sometimes I miss those nights but I certainly didn't laugh as hard on those nights as I did last night.  

Christmas Party

We had such a good time last night at our Christmas party hosted by Heather.  This group is the group of friends we made through Jay.  We sat through so many football and basketball games with these people and they became good friends.  All of our kids are adults now and we don't see each other as often as we'd like but when we do get together it's always a good time.  Lots of laughter and conversation.  

 Heather had us decorate gingerbread houses and of course Mike did all the work on ours.  I just handed him tools when he needed them.  Ha.  

Favorite Things Party

Last night Kim and I attended our friend, Chan's, favorite things party.  As you can see Kim and I went all out for our jams this year....notice our faces all over our jams.  They were a hit at the party.  

Look who made an unexpected but very nice surprise - Nick and Chase.  I loved that they stopped by.

And here's our entire group.  Picture taken by none other than Nick.  I always enjoy this party so much.  
 

My Christmas Miracle

 Last night both boys were home for dinner and we all four ate together.  It was glorious! It doesn't happen often so I appreciate it that much more.  Even though the boys still live with us, we rarely see them but we see them enough that their laughter and conversations fill my cup.  I'm acutely aware that one day the laughter and conversations will no longer be a part of my daily life.  So for now I enjoy the blessing of having them close.  

*And I promise Nick isn't as miserable as he looks in this picture.  

Happy 16th Birthday, Lauren

Today is Lauren's 16th birthday!  How can this 2 lbs baby be 16?  Lauren is one of the sweetest girls I know.  She loves the Lord.  She is humble with a quiet spirit.  She is creative, smart and kind.  I just love her.  

Kim had a jewelry party for Lauren's dinner last night.  Of course Kim and I picked the same bracelet.  

                                      And it's always a good time with favorite Aunt Karen.  

Song & Sword

Last night I attended a Christmas party at my pastor's house.  It was lovely.  The above picture is of navity scenes my pastor has collected throughout the world.  Isn't it beautiful?  I need to take a moment and blog about my church, Song & Sword.  I attended a big church for years.  I loved it.  Mike was baptized in that church.  I think that one day when my boys reflect on their own faith walk, they will have fond memories of our big church from their youth groups and trips to witnessing their dad coming out of that baptistry with his arms up in worship on that cold February morning in 2016.  In 2020 our pastor started doing what is called daily "Mike Talks."  He continues this today and it's something I look forward to watching every morning.  Listening to Mike (my pastor - not my husband, just saying) and being in the word of God starts my day off in the right direction.  My pastor started his own church, Song & Sword, in September of this year.  But this summer I attended church in his quiet home which happens to be a synagogue with my dear friend, Shannon.  God has certainly used Shannon in my life throughout the years as a vessel, leading me where I need to be (see my blog posts back from 2016 when Mike and I were trying to do following his job loss - Shannon was instrumental).  From the beginning it felt good to be there, among this small group of believers.  One Sunday while we were closing up our small service in the synagogue the holy spirit came alive in me.  It was all I could do to hold back tears because I was so happy to be a part of this new church and there was no doubt that God wanted me there.  Mike (switch back to my husband now) attends with me when he can and recently  after church one Sunday he told me he noticed how happy I seemed to be when I was at church, serving.  It's true.  I simply could not love this little church more and I am thrilled to be a very small part of how God is working through this ministry.  

Another huge bonus to my new church is I get to see Mary and Shannon every Sunday.  Being around a community of believers is such a blessing.  I've made new friends too (see below).  I love the connections and new friends.  And Oh yes, I wore my fancy boots last night!  

 

Our Aneroxic Tree

 Over the weekend Mike spent WAY too many hours trying to get our former tree lit but to no avail.  Finally after what seemed like days Mike gave up.  While lights not working on a Christmas tree is certainly a first world problem, it was still a problem nonetheless  And it's like I always say, if Mike can't fix a problem then it can't be fixed.  Therefore we went out yesterday and bought this Charlie Brown tree.  It is true that I picked it out (as Mike was reminding me of last night as I was complaining how sad it looked) but I didn't want to spend a bunch of money and I hate decorating for Christmas.  Love my Lord and Savior Jesus but decorating for the season is not my forte.  I'm a very good enough kind of gal when it comes to this kind of thing.  I put my favorite ornaments on it and decided that once Jay moves out he can have the tree and I'll divide the ornaments up between Jay and Nick.  

Both boys had a comment about the tree when they got home from work last night.  Jay walked in and asked, "What's up with the aneroxic tree?"  Nick's comment reflected nearly the same, "That tree just looks pitiful."  I figure if nothing else it will provide a lot of laughs this year.  

Thanksgiving 2023

These pictures are in no particular order.  The day before Thanksgiving, Mike, Nick and I headed out to Lake Eypgt to spend Thanksgiving day fishing.  Sadly Jay had to work so he wasn't able to join us.  Mike and Nick fished thanksgiving morning and I joined them once it warmed up.  They loved it and it was nice to change things up a bit this year.  We came home on Friday and prepared for our celebration with Kim and family and mom for Saturday (pictured above).  

Our celebration with with Kim and mom - all 9 of us.  It was such a nice day and mom truly enjoyed herself.  

This is Mike and I on Thanskgiving morning, proving that I did actually get out on the boat with Mike and Nick.  We really did enjoy ourselves and again it was nice to do something different this year.  I am so aware that things change and the older my boys get the more I adapt to the changes.  

Mom and her grands! This picture never gets old. Love our time we have as a family.  

                       Mike deep fried the turkey again this year and it did not disappoint.  

Our view from our VRBO at Lake Egypt.  It was truly beautiful.  A wee bit cold but beautiful just the same.  It felt good to do and plan something out of the box this year.    

 As usual Nick caught fish during our trip!  Mike didn't catch  many fish but had a good time spending time with Nick.  

Sunday Funday

Yesterday Kim, Lauren and I made a quick trip to visit our aunt and cousins.  Kelly was visiting from Florida so we wanted to see her and her baby.  I am so thankful for extended family.  It's such a blessing to be so connected with my cousins.  

 

The "Home"

 Mom provides Kim and I with lots of laughs from the "home."  I've done a poor job of documenting these antics.  For years my boys provided me with hilarious stories and now my mom and her activities at the home is providing us with our entertainment.  

Last week there was a break out of bed bugs (gross).  Thankfully mom didn't have them.  She has no carpet in her apartment which according to mom helps prevent bug beds.  Regardless mom told me she had learned from her friend, Doris, that using baking soda over her threshold would deter bed bugs.  Who knew?  Mom bossed  sent me out to buy a box of baking soda.  When she sends me on these errands that make no sense to me I obey but I'm rolling my eyes the entire time and usually calling Kim to tell her what crazy request our mother has bestowed on me.  When I arrived at mom's apartment with the box of baking soda she first started pointing her finger all around and trying to tell me what to do with the baking soda.  Finally it became clear to me she wanted me to sprinkle her baking soda on the carpet right outside her front door.  Again I did as I was told even though it made absolutely zero sense to me.  The next day Kim visited mom and called me and said mom's front entrance looked like a cocaine deal gone bad.  It turns out mom had misunderstood the directions and sprinkling mounds of baking soda on the floor doesn't prevent bed bugs.  The next time I visited mom she promptly directed me to take the box of baking soda home, she no longer had any use for it.  Imagine that.  

Every Friday the home hosts a happy hour.  Mom loves attending but she loves it even more when Kim or I come.  I have to give this to my sister.  Kim goes more often than I do, probably because I'm too busy running to the store to pick up baking soda.  This past Friday Kim took her kids with her to mom's happy hour.  Afterwards Luke called and said he thought Nana's friend winked at him so he had winked back at her.  He told Kim about this winking incident and Kim had to tell him that Nana's friend likely had a twich and wasn't winking at him.  These are just a few of the stories that keep Kim and I laughing these days!  

Cousins

 I got together with my sister and cousins this weekend.  We are intentional in our planning and try to get together 3-4 times per year.  Cora has moved back to Illinois so it makes it easier for the four of us to be together.  What a blessing it is to be close to extended family.  We always share a lot of laughs, memories and conversations.  

Fishing vs. Football

 Right before football season started in the summer of 2022, Nick's junior year, Nick made the decision not to play football.  I wouldn't say it was that hard of a decision for him.  His heart has always been with fishing.  His friends, especially his best friend, Chase (who has his foot on Nick in this picture) were totally supportive of his decision.  They were sad they wouldn't play their last few years of high school together but understood Nick's decision.  The football players are having a great season.  This picture was taken yesterday at the play off game (which they won!).  Just as the boys were supportive of Nick's decision not to play football, Nick is supportive of his boys also.  He was their water boy for the game.  I asked Nick the other night if he had any regrets about not playing football.  He didn't hesitate with a strong No.  He has loved fishing competitively these last two years.  Neither of us could have predicted how successful our new fishing team would be.  It's opened doors of opportunity for Nick and I have no doubt Nick will continue to coach and mentor anglers after graduation.  As far as football goes, the boys advance to their second round of play offs next weekend.  Best of luck to them!  It's wonderful to see them win. 

Midwest fall weekends are the best

I always say that there is no comparison to the summers and falls in Illinois.  They are pretty much perfection.  The springs and winters, not so much.  Summer and fall seem to carry me through the dull drums of winter and spring.  Nick started his weekend catching this monster.  The biggest bass he's ever caught.  Sadly it wasn't for a tournament but still exciting.  He finished his last fall tournament of his senior year yesterday.  He'll fish again in the spring.  It will be nice to have him home a little more over the next few months. That being said Nick doesn't let any grass grow under his feet.  He's up at 4am every morning to go to work.  He works until school starts then he attends school and after school he goes right back to work for another few hours.  The kid is a beast. 

Sweet Shannon and I at church yesterday.  Mike and I started attending a new church and I love it!  I have a mind set of "never miss a sunday" attitude.  Shannon has a pastoral leadership role and I'm so proud of her.  She is sure using her God given talents and blessing others through her kingdom work. 

 As part of my effort to be more intentional and plan my weekends better I bought symphony tickets for Mike and I.  This is us before we left for our fun night.  I bought the tickets knowing it was really more Mike's thing.  I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed it. so much so that it's something I'd gladly attend again.  It was a really nice evening with my sweet husband.  

Jay

 Once upon a time I used this blog to write about the crazy things my boys did.  They continue to entertain me, just in a different way.  I laugh way more with them these days, rather than trying to keep two steps ahead of them.  I don't blog much about Jay because he's an adult.  I try to respect his privacy.  When Jay graduated from H.S. in 2020 I could not have predicted how our relationship would evolve and how precious these past three years have been.  The truth is I've had to work harder at my relationship with Jay.  I'll just be honest my relationship with Nick comes more naturally.  That being said the Lord assured me when Jay was 13 that He had him.  I'm well aware that the Lord has Nick too but God knew I needed to hear it directly from Him about Jay.  I've worried more about Jay.  It's taken Jay longer to get comfortable in his own skin.  When Jay moved out in 2021 Mike predicted he would be back and sure enough three months later he was.  Mike said our boy just needed more time on the runway.  Fast forward to now and Jay is ready to take flight.  He is in the career he wanted to be in since he was a kid.  He's making decent money.  He has a good group of friends and God willing he plans on purchasing his first home in the next year.  The picture of Jay and Walker is from this week.  Most nights I crawl into bed early.  I mindlessly scroll on my phone or read.  Often Jay will come chat with me.  He has no idea how much I have enjoyed this time with him.  I don't make a big deal out of it with Jay in fear of jinxing it.  He'll invite Walker up on the bed with us and Jay will show me tik tok videos of recipes he wants to try.  I'll occassionally ask him a question or two.   Sometimes he'll share a work story.  We pet Walker and laugh about things he does.  Mostly I just enjoy Jay's presence.    

Mike's Visit

Mike is in town this week for work.  He came out last night for dinner.  We had such a nice time catching up with him.  Both boys were able to be home.  Many laughs were shared.  The true beauty of good friends, who are like family, is the ability to pick up right where you left off.  I thank God for the 30 plus years of friendship we've had with the Ausili's.  It's a rare treasure.  

 

My weekend

These days I am trying to be more intentional in how I spend my time.  During the day I am alone from about 6am until at least 5pm.  It's a lot of solitude.  Any opportunity I have to get out in the evenings with my friends I take advantage of.  On Thursday night me, Betsy and Laura made fall pots together.  

On Friday morning I drove out to school to take pictures of Nick making breakfast out in the parking lot.  Nick started this tradition last year and I love that the kids get to do this.  They set up their grill on the mornings of home football games and make breakfast.  I got Nick this apron which he plans on signing and passing down to the next class to keep the tradition going.  

 Sweet Lauren. Also on Friday I took the afternoon off and took my mom to her preop appointment for her upcoming eye surgery.  After the appointment we went out to my house for a light dinner and cocktails.  Cole made himself comfortable on Lauren's lap.  

The rest of my weekend was relatively quiet.  Mary, John and Erin came out for dinner on Saturday night and this morning I went to church.  The weather wasn't great and the crispness in the air is just a reminder that winter is coming.  

Lauren's Freshman Hoco

 My sweet niece is going to her first homecoming tonight.  I did her nails and got to chat with the girls for a bit while they got ready.  I loved it but let's just say it's an entirely differernt experience than with boys.  Actually with boys there is no experience.  They throw on their clothes and you snap a couple of pictures as they complain and call it a night.  I loved being able to spend time with Lauren, Kim and Lauren's friends.  What a fun time! 

The Last Time

 There have been a lot of things with my boys that ended up being the last time but at the time I had no idea it would be a last time for me or them.  Clear as mud?  Let me explain.  I have no memory of when the last time I read them a story before bed or gave them a bath.  If I'd known it would actually be the last time I'm positive I would have cherished and lingered in that present moment.  When Jay and Nick walked off the football fields their freshman and sophomore years I had no idea it would be the last time I would see them play.  When Jay walked out of school in March 2020 of his senior year I had no idea I would not get to see him graduate (thanks Covid!).  Nick went his what was his last homecoming last year.  He decided he didn't want to go this year and just like that my days of enjoying homecoming with my boys are over.  Yesterday Mike spent his entire day under Nick's truck.  Some of the time I'd find father and son together under the truck, discussing what needed to be done.  I joked with Mike that one day there will be a last time of being under a truck with his son.  Mike joked that would be a good thing.  This morning I spontaneously took my mom to church.  She was thrilled.  One day there will be a last time for that too.  What's my point in all this?  Enjoy and live each moment because you never know when that last time will be.  

Ozarks - Girls weekend

In 2020 my dear friend, Betsy, came up with an idea for a group of us to go to New Buffalo, MI.  What started as a way to reconnect in what was a terrible year has carried on.  This year, however, we went to the Ozarks.  And we loved it!  

This year our group consisted of 6 women.  Me, Brandy, Calli, Betsy, Mary (Betsy's sister) and Jami.  

We rented a boat and a driver and had a great time!  We decided for next year we're going to rent the boat for longer.  The weather was perfection too and since we went after Labor Day, it was quiet.  Perfect for a bunch of middle aged women.  

My sweet girl, Calli.  I've known Calli since our boys were in elementary school and I've always loved her.  It's been such a blessing for me to get to know her better and spend time with her.  She has a great sense of humor and always makes me laugh.  

The only hiccup in the weekend was I got poison ivy and almost didn't go but I'm so glad I did.  My P.I. didn't bother me too much and mentally I needed to get away!