A heavy heart

I was waiting for the boys at the bus stop yesterday when I heard the full extent of what happened in Connecticut.  A gunman went into an elementary school and shot 20 children and 6 adults.  It's incomprehensible.  I was numb as I  watched my boys climb off the school bus with smiles on their faces and laughter in their voices.  Over the last 18 hours not only have I been consumed with how the parents must feel but I've wondered about the society my children are growing up in.  Not once did my mom have to greet me after school knowing there had been a school shooting in another state that claimed 20 small children.  Sure bad things happened back in the 70's and 80's but something has changed and it feels really evil and heinous.  Where is this coming from?  And as a mother of two small boys it really concerns me that these shooters are boys.  The boy yesterday was 20.  When I was 20 I was in the prime of my life.  You can debate gun safety until you're blue in the face.  Everyone has a political view about it and an opinion.  Mike has taught both his boys about guns and gun safety.  I don't know what the answer is.  I do know that last night when Nick asked me to read to him I did not hesitate.  I usually take Friday nights off from reading duty.  I do know that when I tucked my children into bed last night I hugged them much, much tighter.  I know that when they woke this morning I hugged them both.  And I also know that when I prayed this morning my heart was so heavy - not only for the families who lost but for law enforcement investigating the crime.  The images they saw will forever be with them.  I also thought of the family of the shooter - surely they are grieving this morning as well.  As a Christian there are things I can't explain or make sense of.  All I know is God is forever present and you can never let your current circumstances determine the presence of God, good or bad.  Peace be with the families and our country.